Prank War
by Dracling Unicorn
Summary: Five Days before April 1st, the Prank War begins. Officers from each kingdom compete against fellow officers from the same kingdom for the title of Master Prankster, one for each kingdom. Note: This will start in Wu and move to other kingdoms later
1. Prologue

A/N: Hiya! This is another Fanfiction (all the other ones came to huge writer's blocks and I never got past the third chapter, but I promise this one will be different!)

Now, for a full summary: This will start out in Wu, but later Shu and Wei will join the Prank War. Also: This Fanfiction will contain LOTS of love triangles that will eventually be resolved but I'm not telling what the final pairings are! I think you'll be able to guess a few, though!

**New Note**: Hey, I've been MIA for quite a while (more than half a year!) but I dug this out, looked it over, and thought "This is _so _lame. Why did I even _post _this?"

So now, I've looked it over a bit, taken out a few things, revised a few things, and put the names into the same format as the other chapters. That is, I'll write the full name the first time they're mentioned in the chapter. After that, it'll be the _second _name (first name in Chinese) that I'll use _only_.

Anyway, I hope this is better (I still suck at writing, but at this point, I think this is the best I can do). All reviews are welcome except for flames. Constructive criticism is wonderful, but please, no "You suck" or 2-word things like that.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story were real people during the Three Kingdoms Period. Koei holds copyright over costumes, weapons, items, et cetera. It does NOT have a copyright on anything else because the horses were real, the characters were real, and the places were real. The plot belongs to me.

**Note2: **Just so everyone knows, _italics_ mean either 'thoughts' or EMPHASIS. Usually, if only one or two words are italicized, it's emphasis in speaking. Sentences in italics are thoughts, and unitalicized words in thought are emphasis in thoughts. My goal is to write imitation of speech, so I included emphasis, and thoughts help give characters some detail, I thought. Anyway, this is for future reference, and applies to all other chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

Xiao Qiao sighed as she watched the robins flit around the trees. It was a perfect day, and she wanted to be outside climbing trees. No such luck. Instead, she and her best friend Sun Shang Xiang were stuck inside learning their lessons of arithmetic, strategy, calligraphy and other "useless nonsense" as Xiao liked to phrase it.

Apparently, Lord Sun Jian, the ruler of Wu, had finally decided that something had to be done.

Xiao and Shang Xiang were two of the few pranksters of Wu and were so alike, they'd started wondering if they were long lost twin sisters. The result was that ever since Xiao Qiao and her sister Da Qiao had come to Wu, the entire palace had been turned topsy-turvy with their little jokes, especially since the original pranksters, Gan Ning, Lu Xun, and Ling Tong, had only needed a little more encouragement for some of their more daring tricks.

Ning was a former pirate and an "ally" of Shang Xiang and Xiao whenever they wanted to pull a prank. Ning was all about fun and lazing off and was always willing to help plan any trick that Xiao or Shang Xiang thought up. Of course, that usually spelled Trouble with a capital T for everyone else in Wu.

Xun, on the other hand, was also the apprentice of Zhou Yu and Lu Meng, and, consequently, was much more serious. Always one to find faults with Yu, Xiao constantly maintained that Xun, or Xunie as she liked to call him, might be much more fun if he didn't study so much with Yu. By that, she meant that Xun might be more daring where pranks were concerned if only he didn't concentrate on "strategist stuff" half the time. Usually, it was Xun who pointed out that this prank or that plan wouldn't work due to this problem or that it was too dangerous.

Tong's arrival in Wu tipped the Prank Balance from mild to wild. Prior to his arrival, most of Ning's stranger or more dangerous pranks had been stopped by Xun's logical refutation. After his arrival, everything changed.

Of the three men, Ning came up with the outrageous ideas, Xun would shoot them down, and Tong would pick them up, change them around, and present the group with a perfectly plausible, and perfectly wicked, plan. Xiao and Shang Xiang, when they weren't planning their own tricks, often added creative ideas or odd twists.

Of course, the happy pranksters didn't get their way all the time, even when they agreed.

Although Sun Jian was the ruler of Wu, his wife ,the Lady Wu, ruled the palace with an iron fist. Jian occasionally did approve of pranks because he knew everyone needed to relax once in a while, but Lady Wu could shut them down faster than Red Hare. Many of the generals joked that the couple's only daughter, Shang Xiang, had inherited her temper from Lady Wu. But of course, this was always mentioned outside Lady Wu or Shang Xiang's hearing range.

The other damper was Da Qiao, Xiao's only and older sister. Xiao and Da ran on a "check and balance" system. Whenever Xiao got too carried away in battle, Da would call her back. Whenever Wu was attacked, Xiao would encourage Da and remind her that both Qiao's had come a long way from being helpless ladies since their arrival in Wu. Although Xiao knew they couldn't live without each other, Da's calm and quiet ways sometimes irritated her, especially when Da took Xun's side when arguing against a prank.

Anyway, the reason Xiao was currently stuck inside was because Lady Wu, although she usually sided with her daughter against what she called "male chauvinism", had finally found that she and Shang Xiang had not been learning arithmetic and calligraphy like they was supposed to.

Instead, Shang Xiang had ordered their assigned teachers to have class outside, where they'd then ditched the hapless instructors and go spar with the other generals. When said instructors were asked why they had not reported the two girls, Shang Xiang had admitted to threatening them, scolding them, and thoroughly intimidating them at ever chance.

Unfortunately for Xiao, Qiao Xuan, Da and Xiao's father, had insisted that both learn with Shang Xiang. Since Shang Xiang and Xiao usually rendered class futile, Da ended up studying on her own in the library, although she did sometimes go out to spar.

Now, however, it had come to the attention of Lady Wu that her daughter was skipping lessons. She had given Shang Xiang and Xiao a stern, concise, and short lecture on the uses of learning arithmetic.

Xiao had thought it rather unfair that Lady Wu had also scolded her since she wasn't her mother, but Shang Xiang pointed out that Xiao's father would probably make both Qiao's return home if he learned that they were shirking lessons. The least Xiao deserved was a lecture and they'd been lucky a letter hadn't been sent to Lord Qiao.

Sun Jian had readily agreed to his wife's proposal to place Zhou Yu and Lu Meng as the girls' teachers. After all, they were already teaching Xun; three more students couldn't possibly hurt.

So, Shang Xiang, Da, and Xiao were stuck inside with Xun, Meng, and, to Xiao Qiao's dismay, Yu. They were to continue their old lesson and begin learning with Xun about defense against ambush, fire, flood, and so on. Unfortunately for Xun, Da, Meng, and Shang Xiang, Yu and Xiao weren't on the best of terms due to recent history.

"Lady Xiao, would you _kindly_ stop staring at the robins and continue copying down the rules of strategy?" Yu demanded exasperatedly. This was perhaps the third time Xiao had to be reminded to not let her mind wander out the window.

Xiao scowled. "Lady" was a title that she preferred omitted, and, really, prefixes were usually left out among the Wu generals. After all, they lived in the same building, and calling everyone by their titles got old really fast. "But the rules of strategy are so _boring_! Isn't it common sense to fall back to the rear if I'm injured? Who needs an old dead guy to tell me that?"

Da mentally groaned. _Here they go again_… "Xiao, please just do it! You can go outside after you're done, but you'll need to finish first. The faster you work, the sooner you can go outside!"

Shang Xiang stifled a sigh. "Da, she's right. We've been stuck in here since breakfast! Why can't we take a break? And who needs the rules of strategy anyway? It's not like we're every going to use them."

Meng stopped them from bickering further with a wave of his hand and a sigh. "Ladies, please. You may take a break and walk outside after you finish copying the rules down. I'm sorry, Xiao, Shang Xiang, but you do need to learn them, and Lady Wu won't believe you did unless she sees written proof."

Yu rolled his eyes and decided to make a point. "Besides, Lady Xiao, the 'old dead guy' you so bluntly referred to is an ancestor Lord Sun Jian. And did you ever think that maybe the rules were made for people like you who rush into a fight without thinking?"

Xiao glared at him hotly. "That guy must have been a lot like you then. I bet he never went onto the battlefield; he probably stayed in the back just like you do! I've never seen you on the front line!"

Before Yu could retaliate, Xun abruptly stood up. "I'm done!"

Meng sighed gratefully. "Thank you, Xun. You are dismissed for today." As Xun strode to the door, Meng made sure he caught the meaningful look Xun sent Xiao before turning back to the rest of the class. "Yu, kindly refrain from arguing with a student. Xiao, please hurry and finish copying down the rules."

Yu raised an eyebrow. "Arguing? I have no idea what you mean! It was a heated conversation."

Xiao stifled a snort. "Heated conversation. Of course."

Shang Xiang giggled quietly and Da rolled her eyes. "I'm done, too." Da rose and left. Before closing the door, however, she did give Xiao a pleading glance. She knew Xiao and Shang Xiang along with Yu in a room was not good. It was a good thing Meng was also present or there would be quite a few black eyes by the end of the lesson.

Ten minutes later, Xiao and Shang Xiang were finally dismissed and out the door. Meng gave a sigh of relief. "That went quite well. Although," Here he gave Yu a reprimanding glare, "if you're trying to court Xiao, I'd say it's quite the opposite."

Yu chuckled, "Court Lady Xiao? Are you out of your mind?"

Meng raised an eyebrow skeptically. "I don't know…but I don't think it was just me who thought you two were pretty friendly when she and her sister first came here. What happened?"

Yu's expression stiffened almost imperceptibly. Cautiously, he replied, "Nothing. She was just too immature for us to really get along well. Honestly, she and Shang Xiang are always off on some strange adventure. She's going to get herself killed one day."

_Yeah…sure…liar…_Meng refrained from rolling his eyes. Sighing sympathetically, he opted instead to clap Yu on the back instead of pushing the issue. "I've no doubt that you and Xiao will make a lovely couple. Even better than Ce and Da, if my instincts are correct and if that's even possible."

It was common knowledge in Wu that Ce and Da had something going on and that the two couldn't be happier.

Yu laughed, relieved at the change of subject. "Yeah right. The only way Xiao and I could become a couple is if we have an arranged marriage, and that is _not_ going to happen. My father's dead, in case you haven't noticed."

Meng winked, "I don't know… Jian _has_ been hoping for a double marriage. Both Qiao's married off so that Lord Qiao Xuan won't have to worry about someone like Dong Zhuo or proposals from Cao Cao anymore. And you _know_ Da and Ce will get married. It's obvious for everyone with eyes, no matter how much they try to hide it. And guess who Xiao's probably going to have to marry?"

Yu shrugged, "Sun Quan? It's the most obvious choice."

Lu Meng shuddered. "Quan? I'm sorry, but that wouldn't work out. Lord Sun Jian isn't stupid. Xiao and Quan don't even talk on a regular basis."

"Well, it's going to be the same situation, if not worse, between Xiao and me!" Yu snapped.

Realizing that he was getting nowhere, Meng sighed. "It was just a thought, because you two _do_ have a lot of chemistry with the whole 'friendship to hatred' relationship. And if you really feel that way, I would lay off the staring at her, if I were you."

Yu started slightly. "I _don't_ stare at her!"

"Of course you don't," drawled a voice Yu knew all too well. Sun Ce was leaning on the doorframe. "Just like you're not an accomplished liar who can mask facial expressions like a chameleon. Pointing out that you haven't given any signs won't work, Yu. You're a politician; if you didn't know how to hide your emotions, you'd be dead."

Yu glowered, but added firmly, "I do not stare at the Lady Qiao."

"Whatever you say," Ce smirked.

Yu glared at his two friends. "I'm leaving. The stupidity level in this room is suffocating." And with that, he marched out the door.

Meng looked at Ce, "He's in denial, isn't he?"

Ce winked, "You bet!"

* * *

Yep. So, anyway, that's the first chapter! Next chapter: the Prank War is introduced! And then Chapter 3 will be the First Day of the Prank War, but in Wu. Chapter 4 will be the First Day of the Prank War in Shu. Chapter 5: First Day in Wei. And then Second Day for each kingdom and so on and so forth! So expect this to have a LOT of chapters!

Also: beginning means nothing; I'll admit that this chapter does intro a few pairings, but not all of them. There is pretty much no one with a simple pairing. And I think that's it! 'Til next time!

Dracling Unicorn


	2. Introducing the Prank War

A/N: Hiya! Back again with Capitulo Dos!!!!! Thanks to my reviewer **Wouldn't You Like to Know XD**; I was wondering if I should take this fanfic down since no one appeared to have read it, but then your review made me really happy! Thanks!

As for Shang Xiang and Xiao winning: that might be a bit difficult; read and see! Note: there ARE reasons for the teams.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story were real people during the Three Kingdoms Period. Koei holds copyright over costumes, weapons, items, et cetera. It does NOT have a copyright on anything else because the horses were real, the characters were real, and the places were real. The plot belongs to me.

Also, _italics_ can either mean emphasis or thoughts. Usually you won't get sentences in emphasis so usually more than 2 or 3 words means it's a thought. See Prologue for more details.

Now, on with story!

**

* * *

Chapter 2: Introducing the Prank War**

"C'mon Da!" Xiao whined. "Please! Just once!"

Da sighed, "Xiao, I don't want to spar! And besides, you know Father wants us to continue to take dance!"

Xiao pouted, "I don't want to dance! It's boring!!! You don't even get to hit anyone!" She sounded so disappointed when she said that, Da almost laughed.

Shang Xiang, who was currently leaning against the fence around the sparring area, giggled. "It _is _boring. What's the use of moving around if you're not going to hurt anyone?"

"Just half an hour," Da pleaded, hiding her smile at Xiao's impatience. "That's all I'm asking; half an hour. You know Father will demand that we go home if he finds that we're falling behind on dancing, singing, and our normal scholar lessons!"

"Fine!" Xiao gave in reluctantly. "But no more after this!

Da sighed in relief. Xiao could be a pain sometimes, but on the battlefield, Da wouldn't have anyone else covering her back. Unless it was Ce, of course... "Good. Half an hour of singing and dancing with our fans and then we can spar."

Xiao groaned, "We have to start the 'sing and dance at the same time' part now????"

"_Yes_," Da said firmly.

Shang Xiang jumped off the fence, "Well, if that's the case, I'll just have to start without you, Xiao. I'm sorry, but I really want to get moving!"

"Ok, ok," Xiao pouted.

Shang Xiang waved a "See you later!" as Da dragged a reluctant Xiao inside.

Xiao was sulking. Singing was alright because you could always sing and try to match a bird, but singing while dancing was a pain. Especially since you couldn't dance really fast or you wouldn't be able to sing. It was a good thing their dancing/singing lessons were always in the palace courtyard where everything was quiet.

* * *

Meanwhile, under the shade of a huge tree overlooking a peaceful creek right next to the Wu Palace, all was calm. That is, until Gan Ning got bored and started skipping stones across the creek. "Oh yeah! 10 skips! Beat _that_ Tong! 

Lu Xun, who was quietly reading a book, winced and said, "Ning, you are so LOUD!"

"Yeah. If he only had something useful to say, I wouldn't mind, but…" Ling Tong's statement trailed off as he studied his stone, aimed carefully, and let fire. "You were saying, Ning? I got 10 too!"

The pirate however, was watching something vanish into the palace. Absentmindedly, he answered, "That's nice, Tong. I've gotta go, ok?" And without further explanation he headed towards the palace.

Tong stared after him. "What was that about?" he asked Xun suspiciously.

Xun, who had put his book down when Ning left, picked it back up and said innocently (although Tong could swear he heard a trace of evil laughter in his voice), "Nothing."

Tong rolled his eyes. _Like I'm gonna believe that! _"Really?" Tong snatched Xun's book away and held it up. Xun, being very short, much to his dismay, was left sitting under the tree empty handed.

"TONG! Give my book back!!!!" Xun tried jumping to reach it and probably would have if it were only a few centimeters lower.

"Not until you tell me what's going on," Tong said in a singsong voice. Sometimes, he just loved being taller than Xun. Not that that was hard.

Xun gave up trying to get his book back and opened his mouth to speak. "Ok, ok! Ning kind of has an enormous crush on Da but you didn't hear me say that."

Tong gaped wordlessly, but was interrupted when a loud voice, which both boys identified as Shang Xiang's, said, "_WHAT_?" and stormed away from a nearby bush that was nicknamed Eavesdropper for its most useful job.

"Oh no…" _That's _not _good. I'm in _so _much trouble if she tells Ning…_Xun got up and dashed after her.

Meanwhile, Tong was still trying to make heads and tails out of what had just transpired. _Ning's gonna get it from Ce if Ce finds out about that…And what's up with Shang Xiang? I thought she and Xun…but Xiao and Xun have gotten a lot closer recently so…_

He groaned. A headache was coming on fast, but hey, _somebody _had to do the regrettable job of drama-keeping…preferably someone without a bias and without lovey-dovey emotions. Yes, that was definitely Ling Tong. _Unfortunately_.

* * *

Night had fallen upon the Wu kingdom. And this night just happened to be a _Friday_ night. To Xiao, Shang Xiang, Ning, Tong, and Xun, that might only one thing: a midnight planning party. 

And it just so happened that this Friday was the Friday before All Fool's Day, commonly known to us as April Fool's Day. The aforementioned five were seated in a circle, ready to begin planning for what they considered the best holiday of the year.

Shang Xiang cleared her throat, "Ahem. Ok. Now, we all know that All Fool's Day is coming up, and, as tradition dictates, the Prank War shall start five days before, meaning, March 28, or tomorrow. Everyone, you know the drill. Vote for captains and then choose on which captain's team you wish to be."

Xiao stood up and passed pieces of paper, ink, and a calligraphy brush to each member of the midnight planning party; namely, Xun, Tong, Ning, Shang Xiang, and herself. When everyone had a scrap of paper and a brush, she dictated the rules that everyone knew by heart.

"You may not vote for yourself, you must vote honestly, you should not let others' votes influence yours, you may not put your name on your paper, and you may _not_ chew on the end of your brush," she glared at Ning who had a bad habit of doing just that.

Ning grinned guiltily and pulled his brush out of his mouth. After a few seconds of brushes gliding on paper, Xun collected the scraps and openly read out the names. In the end…

"Captains shall be Ling Tong and Gan Ning!" he shuddered. _Oh dear…this could turn out nasty. _"Ok. Shang Xiang, Xiao, we'll pick who we want to be our captain, ok?"

Xiao smiled happily, "OK!" and promptly walked next to Tong.

Shang Xiang blinked and shook her head, smiling. Well, if Xiao wanted to be on Tong's team, then she would be on Ning's. It was only fair, after all. "So, Xiao, you're on Tong's team, huh? I guess that means I'll have to be on Ning's team just to even things out!"

"So whose team are you going to be on, Xunie?" Xiao asked.

Poor Xun was now wondering who would kill him more painfully; Ning or Tong, Shang Xiang or Xiao. "Umm…" _Why did this _always _happen to him_?

"Yeah, Xunie!" Ning copied Xiao's nickname for Xun, earning him a scowl from the Qiao. "Whose team? Better, hurry; the hourglass is losing sand!"

Xun gave up. He screwed his eyes shut, pointed in a random direction, and spun around until he almost fell over. When he was sufficiently dizzy, he opened his eyes. His arm was pointing right at the space between Xiao and Tong. "I'm on Tong's team," Xun announced.

Ning shrugged and grinned at Tong, Xiao, and Xun, "Ok! But don't expect any mercy when I crush you!"

"I never did! You better watch your back!" Tong replied smoothly.

Shang Xiang cleared her throat. "The Prank War shall begin tomorrow at dawn. Good luck everyone and may the best prankster win!"

* * *

In his room next to Shang Xiang's, Ce grinned at Yu and Quan. "Guess what, bros? The Prank War is on again! Think we should join this time?" 

Sun Quan rolled his eyes. "Why? It's their war. We're just the helpless victims."

"Exactly. I think we oughtta give them a taste of their own medicine! Who says that All Fool's Day is just for them? Anyone can prank anyone! Are you with me, Yu?"

Yu set down his book for five seconds. "It could be interesting…"

"He just wants an opportunity to get Xiao's attention," Ce whispered to Quan, who grinned. "OUCH!"

"I heard that." Zhou Yu picked up the book that had mysteriously flown at Ce. "And it's _not _true. If you want to tease, I won't join the War. I _know_ you just want to impress Da. And you've wanted a reason to keep an eye on your sister in case she gets hauled into romance for ages."

"Shang Xiang? Impossible!" Quan was starting to pay attention. "Yu, what are you talking about? Shang Xiang's _immune_!"

Yu shook his head, "Not really. I have no idea what's going on with Xun, but he likes _someone_—"

"And if that someone is Da, he's going to get his head ripped off by Ce. If it's Xiao, he's going to get his head ripped off by you. If it's Shang Xiang…" Quan trailed off.

"If it's Shang Xiang, he's going to get his head ripped off by both Ce _and _Shang Xiang," Yu finished dryly. "I feel so sorry for him."

"HAH! So you just _admitted_ that you'd be jealous if Xun liked Xiao!" Ce interrupted excitedly.

Before Yu could retort, Quan sighed. "Ce, it's not like you wouldn't be jealous over Da."

"But Da and I are _together_! Poor Yu here has a case of unrequited love, _especially_ after what happened," Ce pointed out.

"Would you keep _quiet _about that?" Yu hissed. "I most definitely do _not_ like Xiao! I hate her as much as she hates me!"

"She does _not _hate you!" Ce argued.

"Yes, she does! _Especially_ after the event you mentioned."

"Sure, Yu." Quan lost interest. "Just keep telling yourself that. I heard denial is very popular these days."

Yu wisely decided to change the subject, "So are we going to join the Prank War?"

Ce winked, "Of course! All we have to do is march over and tell Ding and Dong!"

"Ding and Dong?" Quan asked curiously. _Who? I don't remember Wu having anyone named Ding or Dong…_

Yu rolled his eyes. "He means Ning and Tong."

"Oh." _Go figure._

* * *

Shang Xiang had just finished briefing everyone with the traditional rules of the Prank War when someone knocked on the door. "Places, everyone!" she hissed quietly. In her normal voice, she called, "Hang on! I'm changing!" 

Silently, Xiao, Tong, Xun, and Ning dove into their hiding places. Xiao, as the smallest, climbed up the shelves in Shang Xiang's closet and huddled in the corner of the topmost shelf. Xun dove under the skirt of a particularly poofy dress, which Shang Xiang never wore, so that the skirt hung over him and draped him in a tent.

Tong slid into the small space between the bed and the wall, and Ning slid under the bed. In the twenty seconds it took them to do this, Shang Xiang grabbed her pajamas, flew into her bathroom, changed, and checked over everyone's hiding spots. "Come in!" she yelled and the door opened revealing her three brothers.

"A bit early for bed, Shang Xiang," Zhou Yu commented dryly.

The princess in question shrugged, "I was overly tired today. Not quite sure why, but I am."

"Aw, come on, Shang Xiang! We heard you, Xiao, Tong, Xun, and Ning talking about the Prank War! _And_ we wanna join!" Ce announced confidently. Seeing Shang Xiang's unconvinced look, he put on his best puppy dog eyes.

"Ok, ok," She sighed. She'd been expecting them to deduce that _something _unusual went on before April 1st. And, knowing Ce, she'd anticipated his wanting in on the fun. "So we were talking about the Prank War. Everyone can come out, now!" This last part was directed at her closet and her bed.

Slowly, the other four came out of their hiding spots, surveying the newcomers with dismay, amusement, or both.

"What do you want?" A very wary Xiao asked a very wary Yu.

However, before the arguments could begin, Ce intervened. "We wanna join the Prank War!"

Having overheard the conversation prior to revealing themselves, none of the pranksters were surprised. _This could be interesting._ Tong and Ning shared a smirk. _More pranksters, more pranks, more victims. _

However, Xiao folded her arms and scowled. "So? Why should we let you join? It could hurt our individual and team chances of winning!"

"_Your_ chances are none of _our _concern," Yu answered smoothly. "What you _should _be concerned about is that we now have…_information_, as it were. Information that Lord Sun Jian does not know."

That decided it for everyone. If Jian knew of the Prank War, he would probably ban it. All he knew so far was that the five pranksters were more active during the week before All Fool's Day, and that was attributed to excitement. No one really saw fit to inform him otherwise.

However, if people knew about the War, and went to Jian with _complaints_…

"Blackmail," Xiao shook her head disgustedly. "Go figure."

Yu shrugged, "If you choose to see it that way. I prefer _compromise_."

"Either way, you're in," Shang Xiang broke in before Xiao could spit back a furious retort. _It's not really a compromise, but if Xiao gets started, this meeting could draw unwanted attention. _"Do you know the rules?"

Ce grinned sheepishly. "Not really, no."

Shang Xiang sighed, "I'll fill you in.

"The Prank War shall start five days before April 1 at the crack of dawn, meaning, March 28, or tomorrow. At sunset of April 1, all of us will write a log of what tricks we did and send them to the pranksters, meaning Prank War participants, in Wei and Shu. They will decide who the best prankster in Wu was and which team from Wu pulled the best tricks.

"They, in turn, will send us _their_ logs and we will receive one from both of them. Afterwards, we'll evaluate them, choose a winning prankster from each kingdom, and a winning team from each kingdom.

"During the course of the five days, each of you will formulate plans for tricks, traps, and/or pranks. If you think of one and its execution is successful, you individually get credit for that prank. However, that prank belongs to your team and is written in your team log under your name." (A/N: I'll post the logs at the end of each "day" to remind everyone of the scores)

"Don't forget the list of Forbiddens!" Xun added. "No pranks can be executed during sparring time, but it has to be official sparring time. Sparring time is when there are at least half of the Wu officers sparring on the training grounds.

"No bribery; that's not fair. You may ask something from the maids, cooks, butlers, etc. but no bribery. Along those lines, no threats are allowed either.

"Pranks may not kill, seriously injure, or incapacitate someone on purpose. Lunch and dinner are out of bounds; the only meal during which pranks can be executed is breakfast, although I would suggest _not_ playing a prank on Jian during breakfast. Nighttime, after 12:00 midnight, is safe time. Everyone needs to sleep. Execution of pranks will start again after the sun has _completely _risen."

"Poison or things that cause allergic reactions are not allowed. Upset stomachs result in disqualification of the team who produced and/or carried out the prank. Causing an allergic reaction or causing someone to fall sick counts as incapacitating. Any questions?"

Ce blinked, "Could I get that all written down?"

"No."

"Just don't do anything really _really _bad," Quan supplied. "Don't worry; Yu and I can handle the rules."

"All right," Xiao announced. "Tomorrow, the Prank War begins at dawn. Good luck everyone!"

* * *

YAY! Chapter 2! Now, after this, the format of chapters will always be the same. Chapter three will be the official start of the actual plot of the Prank War; chapters 1 and 2 were just introductions. The format later will be as follows: 

Chapter 3: Day 1 of the Prank War in Wu

Chapter 4: Day 1 of the Prank War in Shu

Chapter 5: Day 1 of the Prank War in Wei

Chapter 6: Day 2 of the Prank War in Wu

Chapter 7: Day 2 of the Prank War in Shu

Etc, etc. All of the same days happen ON THE SAME DAY. So Chapter 3, 4, and 5 happen ON THE SAME DAY. Thanks for reading!

Dracling Unicorn


	3. Day 1, Wu

A/N: YAY, new chappie! Sorry, I was really late in posting this, but I figured that since the chapters will be getting longer, then I ought to start the next chapters before posting a currently written chapter. So I've already started a part of Chapter 4. Anyway, big, ginormous thank you to Sinny of Yellowboze, Valiowk, and Wouldn't You Like to Know XD for your reviews! I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to respond to reviews, but oh well.

Sinny: Thanks! I'm actually thinking two master pranksters in Wei who're trying to out-trick each other, but who knows?

Valiowk: Also, thanks! I honestly didn't notice calling him "Sun Jian" until I read your comment! May I ask you for your opinion? I never thought Xiao would be the respectful type, but that's just my interpretation; what do you think?

XD: Yay, you came back! Don't worry; I actually thought your review was really funny! Anyway, thanks for reviewing again, and I'll try to update again asap!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story were real people during the Three Kingdoms Period. Koei holds copyright over costumes, weapons, items, et cetera. It does NOT have a copyright on anything else because the horses were real, the characters were real, and the places were real. The plot belongs to me.

**Note**: I've altered a major section of this chapter because I honestly thought the original was kinda really forced and altogether unnatural. So now, things have been kind of revised and altered, although for better or for worse is beyond me.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Day 1, Wu**

Zhou Yu woke the next morning at dawn, as usual. What was NOT usual was that he jumped out of bed with a yelp and found, to his dismay, that he had been woken up by a bucket of some liquid that was sticky and sweet.

_Gross, gross, _gross! Yu's inner child wailed. _I _hate _sugar cane juice!_ _How am I supposed to get this out of my _hair_???? Someone's going to _pay! Yu took a deep breath and silenced the immature voice, but not before agreeing wholeheartedly with the last statement. _Someone will pay _dearly _for this…_

Fortunately for Yu, the fleeing footsteps and high-pitched giggles revealed that the source of his problem was none other than Xiao Qiao. And plus, no one liked sugar cane juice as much as Xiao did. Nor did anyone else besides his teammates know how much he despised the drink.

_Deep breaths_, Yu told himself again. Among the many discipline exercises he employed, meditation was one of the best for clearing the mind and keeping emotions under check. And what better time to meditate than after a drenching of sugar cane juice?

Unless, of course, it was after a _shower_ after a drenching of sugar cane juice, because if there was one thing Yu hated, it was being unclean. Sighing mentally, he grabbed his regular outfit and dashed towards the shower, already thinking of a plan for revenge.

* * *

Meanwhile, safely back in Ling Tong's room, Xiao wrote down the first prank of Tong's team as hers while Lu Xun explained the next trick. 

Gan Ning was sneaking down the hallway with his eyes trained on his target; the door to Sun Ce's room. There was almost no chance of Ning getting caught, (Ce was a very sound sleeper and slept late very often) but Ning did _not_ want to alert any other pranksters to his presence.

Holding his breath, Ning slowly and quietly turned the doorknob and opened the door when SPLASH! He was hit by a bucket of freezing cold water. "WHAT THE—" Ning yelped in surprise.

"WHOAH! WHO'S THERE???" Ce jumped out of bed and grabbed his tonfas. _So much for a sound sleeper_, Ning grimaced. "I'M WARNING YOU! I AM ARMED AND DANGEROUS!"

Cautiously lighting a candle, while also noting that there were three very loud laughs coming from Tong's room, Ce looked at the doorway. "_Ning?! _What are you _doing?_ It's the _crack of dawn!_"

Ning glared at the door of his "best friend's" room. "Nothing," he said sulkily, and he promptly fled the scene. Back in his room, he changed clothes and dried his spiky hair as best he could.

Then, scowling furiously, he marched into Tong's room. Surprise, surprise, Xun, Xiao, and Tong were almost crying from laughter. "WHAT WAS THAT????" Ning yelled furiously. "You're not on Ce's team, so why'd you help _him_????"

"You really _do _like Da, don't you?" Xiao squealed. "I didn't believe Xunie when he told me, but oooh, I can't _believe _this!"

Ning glared daggers at the hyper Qiao and then at the 'Xunie' in question. "No, I don't! _Xunie_ here is just being insane. As usual."

"I'm sure he is," Tong drawled sarcastically as Ning's glare aimed itself at him. "We followed you when you went inside after stone skipping yesterday. And guess what we found?"

Xun answered in the following silence. "We found you watching Da teaching Little Teensy Tiny here dance. And then you attempted to prank Ce who's Da's boyfriend."

"Oh my GOSH!" Xiao squealed again. "This is just so _cute_! Da's got a secret admirer!!!!"

Then her new nickname gave her a jolt. "LITTLE TEENSY TINY?" she shrieked. "WHERE IN WU DID _THAT_ COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Xun, Ning, and Tong started backing away slowly. "Well," Ning said very cheerfully. "I'll just leave you two to calm her down!"

Then, faster than you could say, "I'm going to kill you," Gan Ning disappeared from the room only to crash into a very grim Shang Xiang.

Glaring at him, she hissed, "We need to get another prank organized. Otherwise, we're going to fall even more behind! You realize Tong's team has already pulled two pranks???" Shang Xiang scowled. "And it doesn't help that Zhou Yu will be out for revenge against Xiao. Let's get a move on!" With that, she pushed the sulking pirate into her room for planning.

Meanwhile, back in the room, Xun and Tong were wondering how much longer they had to live. Xiao hated being tormented about her size and an angry Xiao was not a nice, polite, and lady-like Xiao.

Not that Xiao had ever been really polite or lady-like, but at least she wasn't always trying to hurt people when she was normal. On the other hand, an angry Xiao was just as bad as an angry Shang Xiang, and _that _was worse than a rampaging elephant.

"Now Xiao," Tong said nervously. "You know that we all have nicknames and whatnot…"

"I DON'T CARE!!!!!!" Xiao yelled. "Wait…we all have nicknames?"

Xun gulped, "Pretty much, yes. Why the sudden mood change?"

Xiao grinned evilly, "Oh nothing. I just got another awesome idea for the Prank War. I'll tell you guys later." And with that, she strode away from the room, leaving her teammates gaping at her back.

"D'you get the feeling that someone's going to suffer soon?" Tong asked weakly.

Xun shrugged. "Physically? Maybe. Emotionally? Definitely."

"What sorta answer is _that_? You're her best friend after Shang Xiang and Da!" Tong glared.

"That doesn't mean I can read her mind," Xun defended himself. "Besides, we're her teammates. She won't do anything to us."

* * *

"Ok. Status so far?" Quan asked. 

Yu glared at him, "Tong's team has pulled of two pranks already, and it's not even 8:00!"

"They've been in the war for a long time. They're used to it!" Ce defended their score. "And at least Ning's team isn't up to a good start either."

Yu's glare intensified, "Yes, true, but we want to win the war! We don't want to come in second!!" After almost burning a hole in the wall with his stare, he suddenly smiled. "Alright, here's what we'll do…"

After Yu finished explaining he strolled out the door with a small grin on his face. Ce looked at Quan.

Quan looked at Ce. "He's really mad, isn't he?"

Ce smiled, "Yep. But if you looked closely during his rant, you could tell that he was blushing."

"Ah," Quan nodded wisely. "Xiao's never been in his room before, has she?"

"Nope."

"That might explain it."

"It does."

A pause of silence reigned for a while. "Ce?" Quan ventured eventually. "What _did _happen between those two?"

Ce was silent for so long, Quan almost gave up on receiving an answer. At last, Ce spoke replied, "It's complicated. Honestly, I'm not even sure Ning and Tong know the whole thing. It's really…not for me to say, cliché as it sounds."

"But you want them to get back together again?"

Ce sighed, "They weren't really together to begin with; only best friends at one point. Just when we all thought they were going to start courting, they just…" He stopped.

After another pause, he continued, "All I can say is that I really thought they were meant for each other. They were…so close, and I'd never seen Yu that happy before. Truly, I don't care if they're courting or just friends. I just want Yu to be as happy as he was then."

"And you think that the reason he's not as happy now is because they've sort of drifted apart?" Quan asked.

Ce shrugged, "He was happy when he and Xiao were friends. Around the time they started drifting apart, he was moody. And he's _been _moody since then, although he's hidden it pretty well. You put it together."

"Does Da agree?"

"I don't know…" Ce shook his head. "Da's been a bit off lately, dunno why. I'm hoping it'll pass soon."

Quan patted his older brother sympathetically, "Give it a few days. If it doesn't clear up, talk to her."

Ce waved his advice away, "I will, I will. I'm sure she'll get over it, though."

Quan wasn't that convinced. Ce could be really stubborn sometimes. "But if it _doesn't_," he persisted. "Make sure to talk to her."

"Sure, sure," Ce was looking out the window distractedly. When he saw Quan's scowl, though, he smiled ruefully. "Sorry, bro. It's just, thinking about Yu's situation always puts me in a bad mood. And what with Da, I'm just feeling like it's a bit too much, you know? I kinda just wanna let it all go and not _care_."

"Don't do that, Ce," Quan advised him, obviously troubled about the heir's attitude. "Emperors have to care, whether they want to or not."

"Well, I'm not an emperor yet," Ce excused himself petulantly. "Emperors have to marry and have kids, but I'm not working on that yet either, because I'm not the emperor. So let me procrastinate a bit while I can."

Quan sighed, "Alright. If it helps, don't worry about all the drama. I'm not saying don't care about it, but don't worry about it."

Ce laughed, "Thanks, Quan. I'll try."

Quan merely smiled and left the room. After closing the door behind him, though, his smile disappeared. Yu and Ce were unbelievably close, and it made sense that Yu's unhappiness would affect Ce.

However…Yu's problems were Yu's. If he couldn't deal with them, they had no reason to go bothering people like Ce who weren't involved. And Ce…Ce knew why the Qiao's were in Wu, but he wasn't quite aware of how drastic their situation was.

Cao Cao was not a very patient man, and had been asking shifty questions about why Lord Qiao had sent his daughters to Wu, and not his friend Cao Cao and Wei. The answer was obvious, really, but one did not tell the ruler of Wei that the threat Lord Qiao was worried about was _him_.

If the Qiao's didn't find a better excuse to stay in Wu soon, they might not be able to stay at all.

Quan shook his head and walked off, wondering how everyone had gotten into this mess and, most importantly, how in Wu they were going to get out of it.

* * *

At breakfast, Lady Wu sighed impatiently. Her son, Sun Ce, was late AGAIN. Everyone was at breakfast on time for once and Ce had to go ruin the moment. Lady Wu wasn't at all surprised though; Ce was almost always late and this was the fifth day before All Fool's Day. 

Unknown to the members of the War, Lady Wu knew all about it. However, she enjoyed the pranks, especially since no one dared prank her. Oh yes, power _definitely_ had its uses. So, she didn't see the point in telling Sun Jian and spoiling the fun. She just hoped that her husband wouldn't have a heart attack as he threatened to each and every All Fool's Day.

"Good _Moooooorrrrnnnniiiinnnngggg!_" Lady Wu winced. That could only be her eldest son. Ce was notorious for being loud. Of course, that was also very embarrassing for a mother; especially one as distinguished as Lady Wu.

"My lord!" Da reprimanded quietly, "You're late!"

Lady Wu smiled inwardly at Da's use of "my lord". It had a rather endearing quality, she supposed, but could also just be brushed off as polite address. It was the perfect medium between a term of endearment and a term of loyalty.

Ce plopped into his chair and sighed, "Of course, of course. Sorry Father!" That part was addressed to Sun Jian. "I ran into some trouble this morning! I think someone spilled some water over my door and I decided to actually clean up after someone!"

Xiao gave an almost inaudible snort. Key word: almost. "_Xiao_!" Da chastised her quietly. "What would Father say?"

"Oops," Xiao answered guiltily. "Sorry, Da! Won't happen again, I promise!"

Shang Xiang giggled, "We'll see, Little Teensy Tiny."

"Hey!" Xiao pouted. _Someone's been talking to Xunie_, she thought wryly.

Lady Wu glanced out of the corner of her eye at Wu's main strategist, Yu. To her amusement and expectations, he was, once again, staring at Xiao. Yu always seemed to be fascinated with her, especially when she started pouting.

From her own experience as a courted lady, Lady Wu knew exactly what captivated Yu; a pout was the best way to convey innocence and at the same time, show off one's lips. It was really quite funny. Yu prided himself as being beyond the calls of romance, and here he was staring like a love-struck schoolboy.

Lady Wu would have started giggling if it weren't for her reputation and standing, which required her to be severe most of the time.

Jian sighed and watched his wife, for the umpteenth time, suppress a smile. Contrary to Lady Wu's knowledge, Jian knew exactly what interested his wife; Wu's main strategist staring at the younger of the two Qiao's.

Not that it was particularly surprising; the girls were known throughout the land as China's greatest beauties of the time. No wonder their father had asked Ce to guard them; there had already been two attempted kidnappings of the two girls.

Not that anyone besides Jian, Ce, and Huang Gai had known that, initially.

Jian supposed that he ought to be grateful that Ce's complaining had completely disappeared after laying eyes on Da. What the ruler of Wu did NOT like was that the _younger_ of the two Qiao's was just…not a proper lady.

And contrary to _everyone's_ knowledge, Jian knew exactly what the Prank War was about and how it had started. He had decided not to force its end after hearing that Liu Bei knew exactly what the Prank War was and actually encouraged it. After all, Liu Bei was the preferred ruler of peasants for a reason.

Grudgingly, Sun Jian had been forced to admit that the war did bring the three kingdoms to a point of friendliness every year. Of course, Cao Cao didn't know about the war, but then Cao Cao wasn't exactly a social animal.

Jian was startled from his thoughts by an impatient nudge from Lady Wu. Rolling his eyes, discreetly of course, he stood, asked the gods for good fortune, sat, and started eating.

Around the table, everyone else finally started on the breakfast that really should have started ages ago.

Da gracefully lifted her chopsticks and started on the morning's onion pancakes. However, as she reached her chopsticks towards the dish, her sister let out a shriek.

"ZHOU YU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Xiao screamed. "YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLY DEAD, YOU PATHETIC, EVIL, MEAN, EGOTISTICAL, STUPID, _COCKROACH_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And indeed, the young girl had a reason to be distressed. Zhou Yu had discreetly slipped a lot lemon juice into Xiao Qiao's milk. And how did Xiao know it was Yu's doing? Well, the rant was very long, but the absolute breakdown was that:

1. No one but Ning, Shang Xiang, Yu, Ce, or Quan could have done it because no one else played pranks on her. (Xun and Tong were on her team, after all)

2. It had to be Yu, Ce, or Quan because Ning and Shang Xiang were banned from the kitchen from former…incidents.

3. It had to be Yu or Quan because Ce was also banned from the kitchen for the same reason Ning was.

4. The maid who had served Xiao the drink was obsessed with Yu and his silky long black hair and warm, chocolate brown eyes (in the maid's words, of course)

5. Because Quan wouldn't think to bribe the maids because he just wasn't that type of person. Yu, on the other hand, was famous for using all the resources at his disposal and using them well. Mainly: the cooks' trust in him and the obsessing of the maid.

Anyway, as Yu laughed and laughed and laughed, Xiao was restrained by a puzzled Da and a giggling Shang Xiang. And after everyone was calm and started to eat again, Ce let out a yell as Shang Xian''s crickets jumped out of the pancake she had served him. Just as everyone had calmed Ce down, a tub of ink that was somehow not noticed was emptied right atop the breakfast table.

And after that, Ning's pet tarantula accidentally on purpose got loose and caused Xiao to run screaming from the breakfast hall. So all in all, no one really got much breakfast seeing as everyone was wary of the pranks played that day on food.

And plus, no one was really quite sure how the ink was made and if it was poisonous.

* * *

Xiao groaned as she, Xun, and Tong met beneath the Great Oak Tree that stood alone at the top of the hill behind Wu's main palace. It was the ideal meeting place for secret plans because there was really no way to eavesdrop or sneak up on the members as the tree was atop a hill. 

Xun sighed, sat down next to Xiao, and said, "The count for pranks so far is: We have played two pranks; one is mine, one is Xiao's. Ning's team has played two pranks; the crickets were Ning's idea and the tarantula was Shang Xiang's.

"Ce's team has also played two pranks; the lemon juice in milk was probably Ce's idea; Yu undoubtedly carried it out, but Ce hears about Xiao the most. Da is probably a wonderful source of information. The ink prank was obviously Yu's idea."

"What makes you say that?" Xiao asked. "It was black ink; anyone could have gotten a hold of it."

Xun nodded, "Undeniably true. Notice, however, that Ce, Quan, and Yu didn't get a single drop of ink on their clothes." He sighed, remorsefully thinking about his hat and wondering if it would ever be the same shade of red again. "And plus, Yu is our main strategist and he writes the most. No one would think it odd if he just happened to need another tub."

Xiao scowled, "I hope Nu Wa curses him. You realize that everyone had to take a bath after that? It wasted a _whole_ lot of time. And not to mention that everyone's going around with empty stomachs."

"Well, it's almost noon, and sparring time is safe time." Tong sighed comfortably, while taking out a few apples he'd begged from a cook and passing one to both Xiao and Xun.

Xiao took the apple with a grateful smile. As the three elapsed into silence while munching on the apples, though, she made a face, "We ought to make all meal times out of bounds instead of just lunch and dinner. Remember that last time we didn't get to eat until the third day when everyone agreed that no food was a definite no-no for that day?"

"Yeah, but the new rule about lunch and dinner should solve that," Xun said thoughtfully.

"And then there was the whole sleep issue," Tong picked up on Xiao's train.

Xiao groaned again, "Oh my gosh, that was terrible. I had bags under my eyes the entire time and I fell asleep on the seats while watching you and Meng play Go!"

Tong chucked, "Good times, good times…"

"If you like not getting sleep and not being able to eat," Xun added, making a face as he did.

Xiao sighed, "Too true, too true."

After another bout of comfortable silence, Tong sat up "Ok, people, enough reminiscing. Let's plan our next prank and then get some training done."

"Hmm…" Xiao's eyes sparkled. "Let me plan this one! I want revenge on Yu!"

Xun chuckled, "Very well, Xiao. What do you propose?"

And so, with a very evil grin that neither Xun nor Tong remembered that Xiao possessed, she explained the prank. After a bit of fine-tuning, the three decided to go prepare it and head off to train.

The land _was _in chaos, after all.

* * *

"Hey Da! Can I spar with you?" Xiao bounced excitedly at the training grounds. 

Da smiled, "Sure, why not? You'll probably win, though. You like fighting a lot more than I do."

Xiao pouted, "But you're really strong, Da!"

"So are you," Da returned the compliment firmly. "Either way, we've both become much stronger since we came here." Her eyes twinkled, "Now do you want to spar?"

"Of course! Do you have your fans?" Xiao asked.

Da sighed, "These _are_ the training grounds, Xiao." She teased, "Of course I have my fans."

Xiao and Da entered a sparring area with more than half of the Wu generals watching. In the area next to them, Tong and Ning were sparring and in the area next to that, Shang Xiang and Ce were practicing.

While Xiao and Da stretched and got ready, Xun approached Xiao. "Do you need anyone to start the duel for you?" he asked.

Xiao smiled gratefully, "Yeah. Would you…?"

"Of course," Xunie smiled back and went off to search for a duel bell.

Lu Meng, who was watching outside the sparring areas, nudged Yu. "Hey, Yu, I think you're going to have some competition!" he nodded in Xun's direction.

Yu raised one arched eyebrow. "I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about, Meng," he answered calmly, turning away.

"Oh yes you do, Yu!" Quan had joined the conversation on Yu's other side. _He's not wiggling out of this_, Quan thought grimly. "You definitely like Xiao and she definitely likes Xun."

Meng added, "The only thing is Xun now. I have no idea if he likes Xiao or Shang Xiang!"

"It could be both…" Quan murmured. "Xun is one of our youngest officers. He's practically still a boy."

"He's 16," Yu answered tartly. "He's old enough to know what he wants."

Meng sighed sadly, "It makes me feel like an old man…"

"You _are_ an old man," Yu answered indifferently. "I'm eighteen and how old are you?"

"Twenty four," Meng answered cheerfully. "Still in my prime, little boys."

Quan shook his head, "And to Zhou Tai, _you_ are a little boy, Meng."

"True enough, true enough," Meng sighed. "But one can dream…"

Before they could continue their conversation, they were interrupted by Xun starting the duel. "Remember, 10 hits are required for a win," Xun told Da and Xiao before ringing the duel bell. With a DING, the two girls started circling each other.

After about 20 seconds of testing, Xiao took the offensive and started attacking. Da, anticipating this, had her fans locked in Guard Position. Seeing this, Xiao automatically went into her third charge and whirled around in circles with her fans clashing with Da's every time Da blocked her. The purpose of Xiao's third charge was to force her opponent to lift his/her guard.

Da knew this, and was already trying to back away from Xiao's repeated attack. However, Xiao ended her charge early before Da could completely escape. The end result was that Da was forced to lift her Guard and Xiao had an opening that she could take advantage of.

While Da had her Guard down, Xiao quickly started her move set again. Xiao repeatedly attacked Da five times and then used her sixth move as a charge. Using a move she'd worked on much more than her dancing, she used her fans as a flying wheel that repeatedly attacked Da. After spinning around and hitting Da four more times as a wheel, Xiao's entire combo ended and she was forced to pause to regain her breath.

Da, who had not yet attacked, recovered faster and started her move set against the undefended Xiao. Quickly, Da started her move set and attacked Xiao four times. On her fifth move, she performed her Fifth Charge, creating a pink gust of wind that blew Xiao upward. Xiao, who was, at this point, very disoriented, shook her head and flipped upright in the air, and shot forward while spinning with her fans outstretched. A yelp from Da caused Xunie to hit the bell and declare Xiao the victor of the spar.

While all this takes time to describe, perhaps it is better to just say that the actual duel lasted about a minute. Five seconds later, Quan hit the bell and declared Shang Xiang the winner of her spar against Ce.

However, five minutes after that and Tong and Ning had _still_ not resolved their duel. Their referee was getting very worried about broken noses and black eyes. Luckily for him, the sound of Sun Jian's yelling snapped them out of their heated duel.

"SPARRING TIME IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!" Jian yelled. "IF YOU STILL WANT TO SPAR, IT IS NOT GOING TO COUNT AS OFFICIAL SPARRING TIME. EVERYONE, BACK TO YOUR NORMAL DOINGS!!!!"

At once, the two fighters broke away, panting. Ning winced, "It's still not fair." He grumbled.

"Hey, my weapon doesn't have a sharp end! All they had to do was make it out of a softer wood instead of metal!" Tong smirked. "Ah, the advantages of using nunchakus…"

"Come here, you!!!" Shang Xiang grabbed Ning's ear before he could respond.

"OWIE!!! OUCH OUCHOUCH! LEGGO!!!! LEGGO MY EAR!!!!!!" Ning wailed, cringing in pain.

Grinning, Xun and Xiao took their turn and grabbed their teammate. "Let's go, Tong!" Xiao urged. "We need to get that prank ready!!! Nobody's safe now!"

* * *

Ce moaned, "Beaten by my little sister. _Again_!" He was pacing around the room and ranting about the duel. Ce, apparently, was not a very good loser. "Honestly, it's just plain _humiliating_!" 

Quan rolled his eyes over the book he was reading, "Ce," he said unsympathetically, "you're not going to win against her if you don't hit her like you mean it."

"I _do_!" Ce protested. "She's just a _monster_! No matter how hard I hit her, she comes right back and hits me twice as hard!"

"Hey, remember that one time Xiao and Shang Xiang dueled?" Yu grinned. He was drawing something on a blank scroll that looked suspiciously like the blueprint of a complicated trap.

"There he goes; let's see….about thirteen seconds this time?" Ce whispered to Quan.

Quan nodded, with an exasperated look. They were timing how long it took Yu to bring up Xiao in any conversation. The record so far was one minute and thirteen seconds, which was really rather pathetic considering that three lines of conversation took about fifteen seconds give or take a few seconds.

After sharing a look with Ce, Quan turned to Yu and replied, "That was an interesting match. It was a draw wasn't it?"

Ce rubbed his arm where a particularly hard smack from Shang Xiang's weapon had bruised him. "That's another thing I don't believe. That little squirt tied with Shang Xiang while I get my behind handed to me!"

At this comment, Yu raised his eyebrows and Quan started laughing. Glaring, Ce added with a pout, "It's not funny!"

"Whatever you say, Ce," Quan resumed reading his book. "Whatever you say." _He can be so immature at times…_

After about five minutes in which both Yu and Quan ignored Ce's rants, and during which Yu brought up Xiao five more times, Yu looked at the sun. "Almost noon," he commented a bit too casually. "We'll need to get into positions soon."

At that moment, Quan couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for Xiao. And, as it turned out, for a very good reason. In fact, Quan would soon find himself feeling very sorry for both Qiao's, Xun, Yu, Shang Xiang, and Meng, but for a very different reason than he'd thought.

* * *

After lunch, Xiao, Shang Xiang, Da, and Xun headed towards the palace courtyard, nervously anticipating the introduction of another subject: botany. Meng was going to introduce them to a few plants, and how to use them medicinally in the field. 

Yu, on the other hand, would be teaching them which plants could be used in poisons and how. Upon hearing this mentioned, Xiao had asked Xunie rather humorously if he knew whether or not Yu wished to use them as his test subjects.

After his students arrived in the courtyard, Meng decided to begin the lesson with a question. Which plants were their favorites, and why? Meng would then give them a few uses of that plant which were to be memorized and recited the next day.

Xiao started, "My favorite plant is the sunflower because it's really tall and it really does sort of look like the sun. A lot of plant names don't really make sense, but the sunflower's does. Plus, it's got a really large middle, which is different from a lot of other flowers."

"The sunflower," Meng mused. "There are quite a few different types. Anyway, freshly crushed sunflower stems can disinfect cuts and wounds, so that's especially handy. It prevents infection and that could save your life, considering we haven't found a real cure for infections yet.

"There's also a rumor that sunflower seeds work as a stimulant and can keep away fatigue. So keep some extra sunflower seeds with you when we're going on a long march and you're without a horse."

"Wow, really?" Xiao said thoughtfully. "I always thought the seeds were only a snack."

"Wait; there's more," Meng continued. "If used a certain way, sunflowers can kill certain worms that drill into your body. Leave that to the doctors, though. Powdered sunflower leaves can be used to treat sores and swellings. Some people use it to treat snakebite, but, again, leave that to the doctors."

"That's a lot!" Shang Xiang shook her head. "I didn't know a stupid flower could be that useful."

Meng raised his eyebrows, "Flowers may seem 'girly' to you, Shang Xiang, but they can save your life. Now what's your favorite plant?"

Shang Xiang grinned and shot a glance at Xiao, who pouted and laughed. "That's not fair, Shang Xiang!" she protested. "We made a deal that neither of us could mention poison ivy!"

"Am I missing something?" Da asked amusedly. "Or does this have to do with that time Zhen Ji freaked out about several red rashes on her skin?"

Xiao shook her head, "It definitely does. That was me. I was fighting her on the battlefield and right before she was forced to retreat, I shoved some ripped up poison ivy leaves into her headdress and at her in general. Let's just say it was revenge for something…"

Xiao and Ji had some an odd sort of "friends that hate each other" relationship. It was a certain rivalry, probably because, along with Da, they were known as the most beautiful ladies of the time.

Ji, who really did care about her appearance, disdained of Xiao and was disdained by Xiao, who didn't care about appearances. While they couldn't understand each other's views, they did respect each other, in a _wary_ sort of way.

Ji and Da were a bit closer; no one in their right mind could really _hate_ Da. She was a listener who wouldn't mind just listening to problems and helping out. Besides, she and Ji could really relate, being mature enough to understand their situation as "prizes of war", but knowing that they couldn't _do _anything about it.

"I wondered about that," Xunie mused. "Whose idea was it?"

"Mine," Shang Xiang said with a hint of pride. She didn't like Ji too much, being unable to really relate to the woman or understand why beauty was an issue for anyone.

_She doesn't understand _Da thought sadly. _She couldn't possibly understand. When you're a woman without a loving family, you don't _have _anyone or anything to rely on but yourself, and sometimes not even then. _

Having corresponded via letters to Ji quite a lot, Da understood her situation a lot better than most. In fact, Da sometimes felt that Ji was one of her closest friends, and that she was one of Ji's, despite their different loyalties. _If you only have yourself, and you learn that beauty can be powerful, you tend to cultivate it and use it. Anything's worth a little control._

Oblivious to Da's thoughts, Shang Xiang continued. "Xiao dropped a sugar cane juice balloon on her head and I wanted to do something, too!"

"Really Lady Xiao?" a voice butted in. "I must ask the chief cook where in Wu you're getting all that sugar cane juice from."

Meng rolled his eyes, "Great timing, Yu. Now, Shang Xiang, if you don't mind; your favorite plant? Poison ivy doesn't really help."

"Right," Shang Xiang thought a minute as Yu seated himself between Xiao and Meng. "I guess my favorite plant might have to be the bamboo tree! They're excellent whacking devices!"

Meng nodded, "The bamboo trees are indeed very hard. If you're going to make something out of them, though, you ought to harvest them at between 3-5 years of age. You can make furniture, flutes, and weapons out of bamboo, and the shoots can be eaten, but I don't think they have much medicinal use."

"What other plants were mentioned?" Yu asked Meng after he'd finished.

"We've only gotten through the sunflower besides this one," Meng told him. "I've given them a few medicinal uses for the plant, but if you want to join in, we can do both the beneficial and detrimental effects plants can have."

Yu frowned thoughtfully, "That might work if convenient plants are chosen. Unfortunately, the sunflower doesn't have any uses in poisons. Neither does bamboo, come to think of it."

"Are you sure?" Xiao asked distrustfully. "I mean, if _some _part of it isn't poisonous or harmful, why don't we grow sunflowers instead of onions or rice or something?"

Yu rolled his eyes. "Just because a plant isn't poisonous doesn't mean it's 100 edible. Grass isn't poisonous and we don't go around planting grass, unless you're counting hay and oats, which I don't."

"I'm not! But grass, normal green grass, isn't _useful_. Sunflowers _are_." Xiao argued.

"A _lot _of plants are 'useful' in that they can be used in a beneficial manner. That doesn't mean that we grow them all."

Xiao scowled, "I'm not saying that we _do_! But we can eat sunflower seeds, just like we eat turnips or coconuts. So, since we grow turnips and coconut trees, why not grow sunflowers unless there's something dangerous about them? Besides, sunflowers have medicinal uses, too!"

"Because you can't survive on sunflower seeds! They don't offer enough nutrients to be properly considered a 'crop'," Yu explained as patiently as possible.

At this point, Meng did his best to intervene. _This is going to get out of hand really soon…_ "Alright, you two, that's eno—"

"It's not like we _only _grow crops!" Xiao hadn't even heard him. "We grow herbs and plants for dyes and medicines. Ginseng isn't a crop!"

Yu wasn't exactly helping either. "Nobody _really _grows ginseng on as large a scale as turnips or onions!"

"That's nice, you two but—"

"But people still cultivate it!" Xiao pointed out impatiently.

"Yes, now please—"

"Right, just like we cultivate cherry blossoms and other pleasing but otherwise useless plants," Yu retorted.

Xiao snapped, "That's _not _what I _mean_! I mean, why don't people cultivate sunflowers if they have so many uses?"

"I fail to see the point you're attempting to make," Yu folded his arms patronizingly.

Da winced. Xiao hated when people were patronizing. _Maybe I should help Meng…_"Could we please get on with the lesson?"

Xiao ignored her sister. "My _point_ is that there probably _is _something dangerous about the sunflower and that's why nobody cultivates such a useful plant!" she bit out impatiently.

"Yu, just drop—" Xun also tried to stem the quarrel, with just as much success.

"Or _maybe_ it's just not as useful as you think it is and it's really _not worth growing_!"Yu retorted just as impatiently as Xiao. "Now are you finished questioning my knowledge on the dangers of plants?"

Da sighed mentally. _Here we go again…Yu hates it when people question him_.

"What??" Xiao gasped indignantly. "I was _not _'questioning your knowledge'! I was just trying to clarify something!"

"I don't think 'are you _sure?_' qualifies as merely 'clarifying something', Lady Xiao! If you don't trust my knowledge, go find someone else to teach you how to poison your enemies!" Yu glared, miffed at the implication that his information was faulty.

"I never said I didn't trust your knowledge!" Xiao retorted angrily. "I was just confused as to why a completely harmless but useful plant isn't cultivated and I thought maybe it was because there really_ is _something dangerous about it!"

"Which leads to you doubting my botanical intelligence and experience!" Yu retaliated, incensed.

"It was just a question!" an infuriated Xiao rejoined. "If you're so insecure about yourself—"

Meng winced. That was dangerous ground there.

"I'm _NOT _insecure!" Yu seethed angrily.

"You are _SO _insecure!" Xiao yelled, livid. "Maybe if you actually _listened _to what I had to say, instead of just refuting everything point blank without even _considering it_—"

By this point, Yu was shouting as well. "I _DID _consider it! There is _nothing _dangerous about the sunflower!"

"Then why isn't it grown _regularly_ instead of being harvested as a _wildflower_?!" Xiao demanded furiously.

"Maybe because it's _not that important_ and nobody cares to _waste the space_!" Yu hissed back.

"We _have_ enough space for it! It's not like we've found the edge of the world or anything!"

"ALRIGHT, KIDDIES! SHUT UP!" A new voice roared as, somehow, something exploded right in the middle of the circle Da, Xiao, Shang Xiang, Meng, Xun, and Yu had been sitting in.

* * *

"I'm _so_ going to kill him," Xiao muttered to Shang Xiang and Xun while she glared grimly at Yu. Unfortunately for the class, the something that had exploded had been one of Huang Gai's war bombs. 

Or, more specifically, a toned down war bomb used in spars that wasn't as toned down as Xiao thought it should be. At least now she didn't have any urge to play with their sparkly fuses anymore.

Yu glared right back at the younger Qiao, which was very hard, considering Xiao was very cute when she was angry. He suppressed the urge to brush back the strand of Xiao's long bangs that had fallen across her face.

Yes, so he was attracted to her, _so what_? He debated with himself. It wasn't like they could get married or have any sort of relationship. For one, Xiao would likely kill him rather than marry him. And it wasn't like they hadn't had a tumultuous history.

After a brief glaring contest, both Yu and Xiao sighed at the same time and lay back down on their cots. All six of them had been seated in a circle and the bomb had exploded in the center.

So guess where these six where? If you guessed the hospital part of the Wu Palace, then you guessed correctly.

Because guess what happens when a bomb explodes? You get singed and blown backward if the bomb isn't all too harsh. The six generals had been very grateful that Gai had only thrown a spar bomb at them. Otherwise, it would be likely that quite a few of them would be dead.

However, that spar bomb had caused a lot of damage as it was. For one, it had knocked the fighting spirit out of both Xiao and Yu and thus the _brief_ glaring contest finished by both giving up at the same time.

That was one thing, in Shang Xiang's mind. What was NOT a good thing was that the innocent bystanders, a.k.a. Shang Xiang, Da, Xun, and Meng, had also been injured by the bomb. So imagine who was really getting the death glares?

Xun and Shang Xiang shared a look. Leave it to Xiao and Yu to be completely unaware that the other four would have killed them if any of them had been in any condition to move.

Da noticed Xun and Shang Xiang share a glance. That was certainly interesting. As was the tinge of red on Shang Xiang's cheeks. But didn't Shang Xiang like Ning? Da had to admit that Shang Xiang and Ning as a couple were certainly cute, but would never happen if Xun expressed interest.

Ning was a former pirate and Xun was a strategist-in-training. If Lord Sun Jian had to choose, Xun would definitely win. So perhaps she'd better alter a few of the couples in Wu. But then again, Xiao liked Xun, too.

"Now children, what have we learned today?" Meng asked tiredly, breaking the silence.

Sulking, Yu and Xiao replied at the same time.

"Teachers and their knowledge are underappreciated," was Yu's sour reply.

Xiao's was, "Close-minded teachers are a pain."

Before they could start glaring at each other again, Da whacked Xiao with her dancing fan and Xun hit Yu on the head with his hat. And thus, everyone learned a new way to keep Yu and Xiao from fighting.

_I just might keep a few of Gai's spar bombs just in case_ Da ended up thinking tiredly before falling asleep.

* * *

Sighing, Ning, Tong, Ce, and Quan entered the hospital of the Wu Palace. After a brief huddle with all the other members of the Prank War, while Da and Meng glared at their huddled backs, it was decided that the Prank War in Wu would be paused until the four of the six injured had recovered. 

This was met with some protest from Ce's team since they had only one person injured and still had two people on their team. However, when the head doctor of the hospital told the teams that everyone should recover by twelve o' clock midnight, the decision was quickly agreed upon.

And so, at midnight everyone was let out of the hospital. But that was the second day of the Prank War in Wu, for midnight struck the end of the first day.

As the members of the Prank War left the hospital at midnight, however, Shang Xiang added thoughtfully, "I wonder how the other kingdoms are doing. I personally would love to hear about their pranks."

Xiao sighed, "Me too, but we need to wait until the end of the Prank War. Meanwhile, we can only guess." She grinned mischievously, "They've had some pretty wild pranks before. That'll be interesting."

"They really couldn't have done more than us, though, right?" Tong added with some thought. "I mean, we might have lost valuable time, but seriously, Wei and Shu can't have done too much, can they? They've always pulled a total less pranks than we have and they probably will this year, too."

"They have a lot more members this year, though," Shang Xiang contributed doubtfully. "Yue Ying wrote that Zhuge Liang, Ma Chao, and Zhao Yun all decided to join this year."

"Well, we have three new members, too," Ning said before the pranksters separated for the night. "So we have the same number of pranksters."

"What about Wei?" Quan asked curiously.

Tong laughed, "They still only have four pranksters. Don't ever underestimate them, though. They're can be _nasty_…"

* * *

YAY! That's Chapter Three! Took me near forever to write, too. Now, for the absolute summary of pranks and who played them: 

Team One:

Xiao Qiao: 1  
Lu Xun: 1  
Ling Tong: 0

Team Two:

Gan Ning: 1  
Sun Shang Xiang: 1

Team Three:

Sun Ce: 1  
Sun Quan: 0  
Zhou Yu: 1

So the score for Day One is pretty much tied. Next Chapter: DAY ONE IN SHU! Thanks for reading!

Dracling Unicorn


	4. Day 1, Shu

A/N: Hello all! I'm alive! Yes, I am! Took me forever to write this…. Anyway, thankees to everyone who reviewed (and anyone reading the story even if you're not reviewing)! Review Replies (still not sure whether or not I'm allowed to reply, but I'll deal with that later)

HeartlessHitokiri: HI! Nice to meet you too! bows Sorry…I sorta took a while updating this one. Been busy; I'll do my best to write Chapter 5 as fast as possible. The Wu chapters will get up fastest, though; I'm a Wu person so I can write them better. Less writer-blocks.

Valiowk: LoL! I always fiddled w/ the idea of timing my sisters in how long they could last with a sheet of stickers before decorating the walls of our house; never actually got to it, though. But they don't last too long either! I honestly have no founding for the blessing of the meal; I just needed a transition and since there were gods in DW3, I figured gods were important in China. I have no idea myself, though. Sun Ce was an atheist? O.O I need to read more carefully; I read RotK, but it's so LONG and my edition has horrible grammar…thanks for your help, though! Do you know if I can edit chapters? Or do I have to take it down and repost it? And does that delete the reviews I got for that chapter? LoL…can you tell I'm new at this? - Anyway, about the right matchmaker? Well, Ling Tong isn't the best at matchmaking; Da is, because she's a passive matchmaker. She doesn't do outrageous stuff to force love to happen; she can see which couples will really work in the long run and she'll give them tiny pushes, nothing more.

Albertchen91: Thanks for the advice! I'll remember your words if I ever consider dropping writing!

Anonymous: I will! I love writing this story!

Mitha-Chan: LoL; I love massive triangles! You can prolly tell…Your review did help! All the reviews helped! Erm…guilty grin does three-four months count as soon? Hey, in my defense, this one's 25 pages long. I'm slower at Shu and Wei chappies, though. Anyways, hope you like the pairings in this one, too!

Lilswtchibi: I can't wait for Day 2 in Wu, either! I have to get through another chapter before that, though. Hope you like this one, too! No juice in this one, though…but lots of curry! Erm…I'm thinking Xiao is 16 and Da is 18…DW makes them look so young, though…

U'll never noe!: Here's the update! Sorry it took so long… guilty

Amy: Here it is! Finally, hmm? I know, it took a while…sad face but yeah. Ages are going to be made up, as…is most of it, actually. Anyway, how DID you guess it was this one? Did you look for my xanga username? I figured that's what made it so obvious, but…thinking Well, the title's pretty obvious, too, since the Prank War is the root of everything…

**Note**: Keep in mind that none of the marriages have happened yet. This story is based in a setting where everyone is already in their kingdoms, and it's a small time of peace. Also, please note that ages are completely made up in this fic. I know in history Lu Xun was Da Qiao's son-in-law, but it's a fanfiction. Besides, it's DW, not RotK. Anything could happen!

**Note 2:** Alright, I just finished editing this and if you've already read it before, it's undergone a MAJOR change, which you'll notice near the end. I just figured that the way it was written before didn't really make sense, so I redid it. I can only hope that it's better, not worse. Anyway, here it is!

**

* * *

Chapter 3: Day 1, Shu**

Liu Bei woke up with a splitting headache. Keeping his eyes closed in an attempt to alleviate the pain, he was struck with a sense of foreboding.

There was something he could not remember. Something he really _could not_ remember. And it was _very_ important that he remember it _soon_, or something _bad_ and _humiliating_ would occur.

After unsuccessfully trying to remember what he couldn't remember, the lord of Shu decided to get up and just face whatever he couldn't remember. Bei opened his eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Facing him were some whiskers, a pair of bright black eyes, and a worm-like pink tail. There was only one answer. "YUN!!!! LIANG!!!!YING!!!!! YOU SAID YOU WOULD WARN ME WHEN THE PRANK WAR CAME!!!!!!"

Shrieking, the dignified leader grabbed a change of clothes and rushed towards his bathroom. Finally in a mice-less room, Bei took notice of the laughter coming from Yue Ying's room. _I _really _hope someone_ _pranks her _soon.

* * *

As soon as Jiang Wei and Ying heard the shriek from quite a few doors down, they burst into laughter. Congratulating themselves on their good work, the first team of the Shu Pranksters wrote down their prank under Ying's name.

"So, how _did_ you know that Bei's afraid of mice?" Wei asked curiously.

Ying smirked, "You know Tabbie, my favorite rat catcher?"

"Of course." Becoming Ying's favorite cat had made Tabbie famous throughout the palace of Shu. Most people wouldn't have minded except that whenever he caught a mouse, he would bring it, still alive and wriggling, to Ying, as though for judgment.

The said cat was currently sitting next to Ying on a very soft rug next to Ying's bed. Wei, sitting opposite Ying and Tabbie, sent the cat a glance that said clearly, "I knew you had some hand in this!"

And, if he didn't know better, he could have sworn Tabbie had smirked and sent a "But of course!" look back at him.

Ying rolled her eyes at their silent communication and continued, "Yes, well, when Zhao Yun, Zhuge Liang, and I were discussing a few things with our lord, Tabbie just came trotting in like he owned the palace. Let's just say our lord had a bit of…an overreaction."

"So _that's_ what that fuss was about," Wei mused.

Giggling, Ying nodded. "He hates mice. That's why we have twice as many rat catchers in Shu as they do in Wu and We—

CRASH! Both of them jumped. "What was—?" Ying began, only to get cut off again.

BOOM! Wei leapt to his feet, "I'm going to take a look. I'll be right back, Ying."

"Wait, Wei! It could be a—"

"OWWW!"

"…Trap." Ying sighed and rushed outside to help her partner. A second after stepping outside the door, she remembered just why one should never walk under a door without an umbrella during the five-day period before April first. "Dam—"

Her curse was cut off as a second bucket of muddy water tipped over just as she crossed the threshold. Thankfully, the bucket didn't hit her head. The same could not be said for poor Wei.

And, as Ying changed out of her now muddy clothes, she swore she would definitely get revenge on the three people laughing their heads off in Xing Cai's room.

* * *

Prime Minister Zhuge Liang of Shu had never had so much fun. He had finally decided to join the Prank War, after debating with himself to death about whether or not putting himself in the line of prank-fire was good for him.

Because, for those pranksters in Shu, members of the Prank War could _not_ prank unwary passersby. Liu Bei himself thought that getting pranked was sometimes fun and so allowed the pranksters to prank him a maximum of two times during the Prank War.

However, the rule of Shu was that if someone who was _not_ a member of the Prank War was pranked, the team who pulled the trick would be disqualified.

Simply put, members of the Prank War are not allowed to pull a prank on anyone _not_ in the Prank War unless that person said it was okay to.

So you can imagine why some people preferred _not_ to be part of the Prank War, although everyone in Shu certainly knew about it. And so everyone made doubly sure to lock their doors at night and to wait a few seconds after opening a door.

Especially since many of them did indeed consent to being pranked occasionally to sharpen their awareness. But everyone lets his or her guard down _some_times…

Anyway, after a good long laugh with his team members, the infamous pranksters Xing Cai and Guan Ping, Liang sat thinking about a prank. For, gasp, the water bucket over the door prank was not of his doing; it was actually an older prank that both Ping and Cai knew. Except Ping thought of it first and Cai actually rigged the buckets. So that prank was Ping's.

Either way, it was obvious Team 2 had pulled the prank, so Liang started drawing up plans to override others pranks. In other words, tricks that would keep others from pulling pranks. Which was an odd idea, but no one had forbidden it. And stalling one team from making their prank was surely a good defense plan.

"Ping, Cai, I'm going to plan some defensive pranks, is that good with you two?" Liang ran by the two younger, but more experienced team members.

"Sure," Cai replied, still giggling from the look on Wei's face when the bucket hit him.

Ping added thoughtfully, "No one's ever thought of that before. At least, I haven't heard about it. What do you have in mind?"

"If we can use tricks that will keep other teams from setting their prank…"

"That's been done before, though," Cai interrupted quietly.

"It has?" Ping asked quizzically. "I didn't hear about it."

Cai smiled, "Last year, Xiao Qiao and Sun Shang Xiang were a team and no one else in Wu got a prank in. They wrote me and Ying and told us that above every door was a bucket of water, and every shoe was covered in mud.

"They also stole Lu Xun's hat, Gan Ning's bells, and Ling Tong's Go set, as well as a few other possessions from their rivals. So all in all, everyone was more focused on getting their prized belongings back, and they couldn't really do that without getting drenched or trapped or netted or some other dreadful thing. And then they had to go change before the servants yelled about cleaning up excess water and mud. So no one ever got any other pranks in edgewise."

"We could do the same thing," Liang proposed.

Cai shook her head, "Not likely. Ying read the letter, too, remember? She knows. And Xiao and Shang Xiang said it'd been a pain setting up so many traps."

"So we try something new!" Ping said excitedly.

"Yes. We'll add another prank strategy to the Defense strategy," Liang added. "And I have the perfect idea!"

"OOF!"

Cai glanced at the door, "I hope that wasn't your idea, Liang. Because merely stopping eavesdroppers isn't going to work."

Liang shook his head, "No, that wasn't my idea. Let's go somewhere else. The walls and doors around here are too thin for my liking."

* * *

Outside the Cai's door, Zhao Yun and Ma Chao stopped yelling at each other and fled to Pang Tong's room.

"You _idiot_," Yun was somehow capable of glaring even as the two tiger generals tripped over their feet in their rush. "You just _have_ to slip and fall. And if that weren't bad enough, you had to say 'Oof'? What type of dignified warrior says 'Oof'???"

Chao grumbled, "Well, _you_ fall over and ram into the wall! See how you like it!"

"Why don't you try it out?" Asked a man floating in the air, who just so happened to appear right behind them. "It would be amusing, at the very least."

"Not now!" Yun said hurriedly. "Tong, we have some news about what Liang's planning."

Tong smiled slightly, "Excellent. What is it?"

Yun shrugged, "He originally wanted to undertake a defensive strategy, but when Cai mentioned that it'd been done before, he said he wanted to create some sort of campaign plan that no one has ever used."

"In that case, it would be wise to first observe what happens." Tong noted thoughtfully. "We'll plan pranks per usual and when Liang's plan goes into action, we'll watch and see what happens. If we can find their plan, and five days ought to be long enough, then we'll be able to thwart it," Tong reasoned.

"So what are we waiting for?" Chao asked impatiently. "Let's go prepare a trap!

* * *

Huang Zhong approached the breakfast table warily. After all, he had chosen to allow pranks upon his person for the very reason of increasing his wariness.

"OW!"

…Or lack thereof. "Stupid little whelps!" Huang Zhong cursed as he got himself back on his feet. Of course he _had_ to slip on the banana peel conveniently placed next to his chair. Seriously, bananas were only served during large banquets since they were from the more tropical areas of China. Which great idiot had the audacity to eat one and leave the peel on the ground?

"Oops, sorry Zhong," Ping grinned embarrassedly as he sidled in and picked up the peel. "I was eating that. Forgot about it, actually. Cai distracted me!"

Zhong rolled his eyes discreetly and sighed, remembering the days when he was young and in love. It was slightly odd, but obvious for anyone with eyes in Shu that the two friends were falling fast.

Or, Zhong corrected himself, Ping was falling fast. Cai seemed to be fascinated by the odd Zhang He of Wei.

That definitely wasn't right. In fact, it was downright _wrong_. Someone would have to remedy that, and soon.

* * *

Ping ran back to his room, nervous about causing the elderly general to slip and fall. The doctors would open his head up if the old man was injured! Well, not really, but the gist was the same.

Just as he turned the corner, Ping suddenly bumped into something, knocking himself and the obstacle in question to the ground.

"Hi Ping!" Liu Chan smiled after wondering for a few seconds what had nearly run him over.

"Sorry about that, Chan," Ping apologized warily. He used to be very good friends with his "cousin", but as the two had grown older, the difference in their stations had also grown larger. Ping was growing increasingly aware of the advantage Chan held over him in several situations, despite his overall incompetence.

"It's okay!" Chan seemed unfazed. "I'd just watch where you're going next time. You don't want to knock Ying or Cai down."

That was certainly true. If he knocked either of the ladies down, he was liable to get hurt. Badly. They wouldn't hurt him if it was an accident, but if he kept his head in the clouds and started walking into people left and right…

"Hey, Ping, Chan!" Ping jumped. His younger cousin had approached the scene. "What are you two doing?"

To Ping's absolute fury, Chan blushed. "Nothing, really. We just stopped to chat a bit."

"Yeah. I actually need to go talk with Liang now," Ping excused himself while giving Cai a pointed look.

"I'll come with you," she replied immediately. "Let's go!"

Poor Chan was left in the dust as his two cousins raced off to find the Prime Minister. "I wonder what they're up to," he mused. Those two could be a lot of trouble if they weren't watched carefully.

And who better to watch them than their rather dim friend who had been dropped on his head by his father when he was young? Chan smiled proudly. Time for a bit of spying…

* * *

"What does Liang want us for?" Cai asked as she and Ping slowed down their strides.

Thankfully, Ping was a fast thinker…… thinker, liar, same difference! "Erm, nothing. I just got an idea that I wanted to discuss with him and I figured we ought to plan things together."

"Oh, ok…So what's this idea of yours?"

"Uh…" Ping's guilt alarm was sounding like mad. Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, LIAR it screeched in his mind. _Stupid conscience…_"Well, Zhong just slipped on a banana peel…"

Cai was always a step ahead of him, even if he'd just spouted a lie. "That won't work. All you have to do to get rid of banana peels is pick them up and watch your step. And plus, we wouldn't have any control over who fell. If someone who doesn't _want_ to be pranked slips, then we could very well get expelled."

"…well, it seemed like a good idea at first…"

"What seemed like a good idea?" Liang poked his head around the corner. "And is there a particular reason you two are discussing good ideas in the hallway, where _anyone _could hear you?"

"Actually, we were just on our way to see you," Ping said, relieved. _Yes! Someone to bail me out!_ "Zhong just slipped on a banana peel and I was wondering if maybe we could use something like that for a prank."

Cai crossed her arms, "I told you, it won't work. Banana peels aren't exactly inconspicuous, and they're way too easy to get rid of. Besides, having people fall over isn't exactly a really good prank."

To her surprise, Liang actually seemed to be considering the idea. "Maybe. But they could be good links…"

"Links?" Ping was lost, too. "What are you talking about?"

"Think about it this way," Liang started thoughtfully. "You said that banana peels are conspicuous. Fine, but the concept is someone slipping and falling, and therefore being vulnerable for some period of time…"

Ping was still drawing a blank. "But we're not trying to attack people. Pranks are subtle until execution. What good would having our victims be vulnerable do?"

"Give it a while," Liang said advised. "Maybe if we had a puddle of water? Hmm…."

Cai and Ping shared a glance. 'Wait for it,' Cai mouthed to Ping. Liang could be surprisingly creative, for a logical strategist. A few minutes later, Liang snapped his fingers triumphantly.

"I've got it!" he announced. "Here's what we'll do…"

* * *

"Why hello, Chan!"

Chan jumped. "Ying! I'm sorry, I didn't notice you!"

Ying resisted the urge to roll her eyes. This was the heir of Shu, after all. Pointing out that he was being completely obvious and was out of hearing range probably wasn't the best thing. "Are you spying on your cousins?" she asked instead.

"No," Chan answered immediately. Liar. Huge liar. He'd never appreciated the voice in the back of his head that was his conscience, but it seemed to have the annoying ability of override his protests. "I just saw them over there and was wondering if I should go join them."

"Why don't you?" Ying suggested. "It's great that the three of you are so close."

Chan sighed glumly, "I don't know about that anymore. We used to do everything together, but now it's like… they're in on some secret that I don't know about."

Ying immediately prepared to lie. Although pretty much everyone in Shu knew about the Prank War, Chan was one of the few people who did _not_. The Pranksters had decided this was for the best because Chan would likely want to join.

And while they were usually welcoming to newcomers, no one really wanted Chan on their team. He was nice enough, but the creativity wasn't there and he could act like a spoiled brat at times. Therefore, the Pranksters were always very careful not to let slip anything to Chan that might enlighten him to the War.

"Oh, I'm sure that's not it," Ying smiled at the heir. "They're your best friends; they wouldn't leave you out unless they were planning a surprise for you. You know," she lowered her voice, "like a surprise party or something."

_Perfect_ she thought evilly. _If Chan thinks Ping and Cai are having a surprise party for him, that will cover for their leaving him out. Chan will be sure to drop obvious hints to Ping and Cai about a party, and they'll figure out he expects one. They would _never _disappoint their friend, and planning a surprise party will keep them occupied and distracted._

"Wow, really?" Chan asked, wide-eyed. "That's so nice of them! I should do something for them, too…"

"That's a good idea," Ying encouraged him. _Even better! If Chan presents his "thank you" surprise first, Cai and Ping will feel obligated to have that party…_ "I wish you luck!"

"Thanks," Chan beamed. He glanced at his friends again. "Hey, is Liang in on the party, too?"

At the mention of her best friend's name, Ying blushed slightly. "They're probably asking him for advice," she replied neutrally. "Anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you at breakfast, Chan!"

Waving a cheerful goodbye, Ying walked off in the opposite direction. As soon as she was out of sight, she sighed and rubbed her head.

She'd always been more down to earth about love, not quite as into it as Cai, but definitely not as fully against it as her friend Xiao Qiao. It was very odd how these things worked.

After all, Xiao herself was a firm believer in the nonexistence of true love. Ying couldn't really blame her; from what Sun Shang Xiang wrote her, Xiao used to believe in love until someone broke her heart. Ying'd never got the full details or the name of the guy, but from Shang Xiang's reports, Xiao and the guy hated each other now.

Ah well; there was always the infamous "there's a fine line between love and hate". Ying giggled softly to herself. Xiao hated that line with a passion. In her separate letter, Da had mischievously mentioned that she suspected Xiao would fall victim to that very same line. Poor, poor Xiao.

As for Shang Xiang…well, Ying hoped, for Gan Ning's sake, that he'd figure out that Ce and Da were meant to be and that he really ought to pay more attention to the proud princess of Wu.

Or he'd be in for a lot of pain. And Ying really meant a _whole_ lot of pain.

And Xun? Ying honestly had no idea how the second-youngest officer of Wu would fare in the battle of love. Xiao liked him well enough, so maybe Xun had a chance, what with the Qiao's precarious situation.

Cai…well Cai was in a difficult position. A marriage with Chan would strengthen the Liu claim to the throne, since Cai was related to Xiahou Yuan and Xiahou Dun and therefore related to Cao Cao himself.

It would also strengthen the sense of family between the younger generation of the three sworn brothers.

Of course, there was also the itty-bitty problem that Ping liked Cai. Except Chan liked Cai too. And Cai was head over heels for…Zhang He.

Ying shuddered. Not that He was repulsive; quite the opposite. Ying had actually caught herself wondering if He wasn't a woman in disguise. Except his battle uniform left no doubt that he was a man. An very _odd_ man, but a man nevertheless.

And there was something slightly wrong in Wei, too…Ying had doubted there would be many cross-kingdom romances since they were theoretically at war, but during the Prank War…well, not to be cliché, but literally anything could happen.

Ling Tong had even stolen one of Huang Gai's bombs for a prank once. After hearing about that, Bei had immediately banned such ideas from his kingdom.

The officers not in the Prank War were relieved. The Pranksters were not. In fact, Yun had complained that the officers in Wu got all the fun. Which might actually have been true, considering that Lady Wu and Lord Sun Jian were used to odd things happening.

Especially since Shang Xiang and Sun Ce didn't really have any qualms about blowing up the kitchen. Speaking of Ce, he really needed to propose to Da soon. Ying didn't particularly like weddings and the sooner it was over with, the happier she would be.

As for her own wedding…well Ying still had to find her true love first. Cai would giggle and say quietly that you don't find true love; it finds you.

Xiao would scoff and say true love didn't exist. Shang Xiang would say that it'd be better if she married someone that would benefit her family. Zhen Ji would say love was second to power, and that an ambitious marriage would be better.

Da would tell her to follow her intuition. And, since Da had been the only one so far to actually have a working relationship with her "true love", Ying was more inclined to believe her than anyone else.

Liang. Zhuge Liang. Calm, quiet, all knowing, unpredictable Liang. Perhaps not as handsome as the debonair prince of Wei or as gentlemanly as Ying's friend Yun, but Ying wasn't attracted to looks.

He respected her, and he was one of her best friends growing up. He also knew that he could count on her in a tough situation. Ying had to honestly say that her best friends in order were probably Zhuge Liang, Da Qiao, Zhao Yun, Shang Xiang, Xiao Qiao, and Pang Tong.

Cai wasn't strictly a top best friend, although they were close. It was more being the only girls in Shu that brought them together. But then, that was what prompted all the female warriors to correspond regularly.

In all fairness, Liang really was Ying's best friend. And Best Friends could usually become more…

"Ying? Are you ok?"

She almost fell over. Why, oh _why_ did she travel around the palace without her scythe? "You're _not_ getting another successful prank out of _me_, Liang!" she hissed angrily.

So much for love. Ying honestly felt, at this moment, that she'd rather smack Liang for sneaking up on her than kiss him. But since leaving a handprint on her best friend's face was not ideal and she didn't have her scythe, Ying had one other option. _Run_.

"_Ying_!" Wei grabbed her arm before she could pelt off in the opposite direction. "It's Wei! You know, your team member? The guy who's learning from Liang but has not yet succeeded in completely morphing into him?"

Wei liked Ying. He really did. She wasn't a classic beauty, but she was smart, reliable, responsible, and logical. But Wei, being secretly very close brush pals with both Qiao's, knew that she didn't like him.

So Wei _did_ know that Ying was in love with Liang. He also knew that Liang had fallen for Ying a _long_ while back. Wei didn't want to come between Ying and Liang; they were too perfect for anything to break them apart unless it was themselves.

The problem with these two was that they were very practical and generally shy people. If you didn't push them together, they'd avoid the topic forever.

.But he didn't intend for that to happen, oh no he didn't. Jiang Wei was going to, with the help the Qiao's and possibly the three sworn cousins, set up Lady Huang Yue Ying and Prime Minister Zhuge Liang.

The only problem would be getting them together without them figuring it out. Because if Ying and/or Liang figured out that there were meddlers, even good meddlers, they would blow a fuse.

The Qiao's would be relatively safe, for the moment, since they lived in a different kingdom. Wei on the other hand…well, it was a worthy goal, wasn't it? He didn't quite wish to die for it, but it was still a good cause! At least…Wei hoped it was.

"Wei! Hello?" Ying was waving a hand in front of his face.

"What?"

"I said I was sorry for running from you…"

Wei blinked, "Umm…that's alright. Why were you so jumpy?"

Ying shrugged, "I was thinking about how much I wanted to smack Liang and then someone creeps up behind me. Who was I supposed to think it was?"

"…"

"My point exactly. Are you going to breakfast now?"

Wei grinned, "Of course! Wouldn't want to miss the special surprise…"

* * *

Ma Chao did not like to be kept waiting. He did not like it at all. Especially when he was hungry. So, it was very natural of him want very much to kill Wei right now.

Honestly, if there was _any_ justice in the world, _nobody_ would be allowed to be late for breakfast!

"Sorry I'm late! I had take care of something."

Chao discreetly rolled his eyes. Of course. "I bet he was rigging a prank for later," Chao muttered, glaring darkly.

"Doubt it," Yun whispered back. "Ying wasn't with him."

"That could be a distraction to throw us off track," Tong added thoughtfully.

Chao shifted nervously, "So how do we prevent it? The prank, I mean."

"We don't know for sure there is one," Yun countered.

"We're starting to look suspicious, you know," Tong informed his teammates.

Yun looked up, "Only Heaven knows why…"

"What's he saying?" Chao was glaring furiously at Bei.

"That's alright, Wei, just please be on time from now on," Bei was saying.

Of course, nothing could really be done to Wei. But, what ever happened to _justice_? That just wasn't _fair_! If lateness was allowed, nobody would get anywhere on time and nothing would ever get done! "Hey!"

Yun had nudged him, "…is for horses, as you well know. Speaking of which, instead of contemplating Wei's imminent death, you should be eating."

"Oh…" Rousing himself, Chao dove straight into the food.

Five seconds later…"AAARGH! WEI, YOU WILL DIE! DIIIIEEE!!! THAT LITTLE BOY WILL DIE!"

And he seemingly sensed it, too. Wei and Ying had mysteriously vanished after everyone started eating. Which was odd, since, even though he was young, Wei would usually balk at being called "little".

"WHO DID IT!?!?!?" Zhong demanded furiously. "I'll _KILL_ the little whelp!"

It was obviously a prank and not a kitchen mix-up; Wei Yan, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei were staring around, obviously puzzled as to why everyone was scrambling around looking for water.

"Who _else_ would do it?" Cai snapped. "Ying and Wei are the only ones NOT HERE!"

Bei was not happy. "WHERE'S THE WATER?" No, not happy at all. For someone, cough, had undoubtedly persuaded one of the kitchen staff to mix a _lot_ of something spicy into the dishes to be set before the officers that allowed themselves to be pranked.

Worse still, this didn't count as the second of the allowed pranks played on Bei; it was a "casualty of war" prank.

Years ago, when Bei had first found out about the Prank War, he had established the rule of "no pranking people not in the Prank War unless they say so". In response, Ping and Cai had argued that there were casualties in war.

So, it had been decided that the people who allowed _no_ pranks were not to be casualties, but the people who said they could be pranked, whatever the number of pranks allowed, _could_ be casualties.

The argument was that if they approved pranks, then they ought to be always on their guard. Of course.

* * *

Liang was not surprised. He had figured something would happen that had to do with the food. He just hadn't expected something spicy. What he _had_ expected was a few bugs or snakes crawling in the food.

Unfortunately, it seemed that his foresight for that had been slightly misguided. In any case, it seemed more like his foresight in poisonings was better thought out.

He always carried with him vials containing the antidotes to the fastest poisons. He also carried some extra water in case he was stuck somewhere for a while. WATER!

Calmly, Liang uncorked the canteen he always carried with him and let it run down his throat. Ah, the miracles of forethought!

After calming his stinging taste buds, Liang observed the table. His good friend and rival Tong had calmly continued eating, oblivious to the extra spices. Catching his eye, Tong grinned, although it was almost unnoticeable under his white veil. "Always prepared, huh?"

Liang smiled, "Yes. Although I see you have no need for it."

"Of course!" And with that, Tong went back to his pancakes, oblivious to the screaming officers around him.

* * *

Yan was surprised, to say the very least. His mentor was running around the room like a crazed madman for some reason that had to do with the food. But there was nothing _wrong_ with the food.

Not that Yan could see, anyway. He took another appreciative bite of his taro-flavored bun. Maybe Zhong was getting old. Not that Yan would say that to his face.

He gave an imperceptible shudder. Strong as Yan was, Zhong would beat him to a pulp for even implying that his age was affecting him in any way. Yes, it was much better to just let Zhong be and hope that someone else had an explanation for the other mad-warriors running around the dining hall.

* * *

Several Hours Later

"Remind me why we're stuck in a closet together, Wei?" Ying asked calmly.

Wei sighed, "Look, you have to admit it was a good idea!"

"_Not_ if it gets us stuck in a closet! And we've been in here for _hours_! We skipped _lunch_! What will people say???"

Wei sighed again. Like any sane person, he was much less worried about being in a closet with Ying than he was about being killed by the rest of the warriors of Shu.

Of course, there was also the added bonus of making Liang jealous and therefore pushing Ying and Liang closer…

"WHERE ARE THEY??" a voice raged nearby. "I SWEAR I'LL KILL THEM AND SEND THEIR HEADS TO CAO CAO!"

Yeah. It was definitely a good idea. Now if only they weren't numbers one and two on the Kill List of Shu.

Wei shook himself out of his thoughts. Time to play the silent mouse and hide from the scary hungry cats. Literally. After a long, long time, Wei decided to try to lighten the mood.

"Look on the bright side, Ying. At least this is one of the most remembered pranks. It'll be a definite bonus for us!"

"Shut up!" She hissed. "Notice that no one's screaming anymore? They'll hear us!"

"So why are you still talking?" Yes, today Wei was in an "annoying" mood. It was the child in him, he reasoned. The war had made him grow up too quickly.

"SHUT UP!"

Wei sighed resignedly. Females. Can't live with them and can't live without them. But Ying was right. There wasn't any more yelling. Relieved, he leaned against the door of the closet…

"OW!"

Just as Liang opened it. "Hello Wei, Ying." He nodded to Ying who was glaring at the fallen Wei. "Nice hiding spot. I think it was such an obvious place, no one bothered to check it."

"Except you," Ying added, scowling. "So you've found us. What's our sentence?"

Liang laughed, "The two of you spent the entire morning, lunch, and some of the afternoon in this closet. I think that's punishment enough."

"It was," Wei said from the floor. "We spent half of the time trying to be quiet."

Liang raised an eyebrow. "What did you do in the other half of the time?" he asked curiously.

"Ying yelled at me for getting us stuck in the closet in the first place."

"Go figure," Liang smirked.

"You can say that again," Wei nodded.

"Hate to break up your little discussion but what happened while we were stuck in this closet?" Ying interrupted, annoyed.

"Next to nothing," Liang said, lying through his teeth. He, Cai, and Ping had pounced on the chance to plan revenge while everyone was out to kill Wei and Ying. From the looks of things, Tong hadn't managed to calm Chao and Yun, yet, although that could be a disguise.

Likely, the three already had some sort of trick rigged and were just putting up a front. But then, that was what Liang was doing now: luring the enemy into false security. Pretending to be exasperated, Liang continued, "Everyone's so wrapped up in trying to kill you two, no one's been able to plan _anything_."

"All this over a few spices?" Wei asked dubiously, eyeing his teacher suspiciously.

_Smart boy, _Liang noted, satisfied. Out loud, he made sure to express his dissatisfaction. "A _few _spices? A **FEW**???? Our breakfast was hotter than melted iron!"

Ying sighed, "It wasn't like you weren't prepared for it!" she defended their prank.

"True. But you have to admit that you spoiled the entirety of our breakfasts," Liang told them matter-of-factly.

"Really?" asked a very dangerous voice from behind them. "I hadn't noticed."

Ying spun around, hands instinctively twirling a scythe that…

…was still in her room and therefore, at the moment, not in her hands. Ying silently cursed the Prime Minister next to her for dumping water on her and making her forget it.

Not like she didn't have any extra weapons, but seriously, what were her chances in a dagger duel with Chao?

Not much. Seriously, the guy was probably around a hundred pounds heavier, half a foot taller than her, and always wore a hard helmet that would really hurt.

And just forget the teensy fact that he and the three people who appeared behind him were really, really mad at her and the other strategist who happened to pull the breakfast prank.

Seriously, who _wouldn't_ want to stay and get beaten up by two tiger generals and two children of two other tiger generals?

Oops, scratch that, _three_ tiger generals since Zhong had finally caught up with Chao, Yun, Cai, and Ping. "LITTLE WHELPS!" He roared at Ying and Wei. "HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DEFEND AGAINST THAT?!?!?!!?"

Liang looked at the five angry generals very calmly. But hey, it was easy for him, Ying thought wryly. He didn't burn the feeling out of everyone's tastebuds.

"Perhaps by being prepared?" Liang pointed out amusedly. _Perfect timing_ he smirked inwardly. This would _definitely _convince Wei and Ying that nobody had prepared any pranks. _Unsuspecting victims_ he thought unsympathetically. _As founders of the War, you should _know _better!_

"Whose side are you on???" Cai glared at him. _All according to plan_ she thought triumphantly. _Liang's already got them convinced and off guard._

Ping added angrily, "We've been searching for these two for the entire day and you didn't tell us you _found_ them?"

Ying gulped. "Erm, Liang, Wei? Think it'd be wise to start running now?" She looked around…

…and Liang and Wei weren't there. Ying felt everyone else glaring at her and nervously started backing away. "Umm…I'll just go around and…look for them!" And without waiting for a reaction, Ying turned tail and ran.

"GET HER!" she heard Yun yell. So nice of her friend. Seriously, friendship was _so _overrated.

Ying rolled her eyes. Strange how nobody had yet asked her the infamous question: If her friend chased after her with the intent to kill, what were her enemies like?

After that, Ying had absolutely no time to think. It's easier to run if your mind zones out. She turned the corner sharply, a battle strategy that surprised anyone around the corner while making her seem to vanish from pursuing sight.

"HEY!" She felt herself yanked off her current course and did the universal "forced release". She spun around and under the arm that had grabbed her, effectively twisting it.

"Ouch, Ying, let me go!" Oops…it was Wei. Wait, never mind, it was Wei! Ying suppressed the urge to twist it further. Barely.

She glared at him. "You coward! Leaving me there alone is _exactly _what teammates do, huh? Where's Liang?"

"Up here!" Ying looked up, only to find Liang sitting calmly and on one of the crossbeams.

She looked at him and Wei incredulously, "You two expect me to get onto one of those and not worry about bringing the roof down around our ears?"

"Yep!" Wei nodded wryly. "You really can't blame me for this one. It was Liang's idea."

Liang rolled his eyes, "Just jump and grab one of the brackets and climb up. I guarantee you the roof will not fall down." _Yet_.

"How do you know that?" Ying challenged him, as some faint footsteps ran around and a voice demanded a split up of the group.

Wei looked around nervously and hissed, "Would you rather take your chances with some of the best warriors of Shu?"

"Point taken," Ying gulped. She jumped, grabbed a bracket, and swung herself onto a crossbeam. "Just make sure you get on a different beam than the ones Liang and I are on!"

Wei didn't bother to answer, but instead did the exact thing Ying had done. "How long are we going to keep hiding?"

Surprisingly, Liang answered. "Until Tong can get Chao and Yun to set up a prank that will send everyone back into the Prank War. Unfortunately, that might take a long while. They're pretty mad."

"That's comforting," Ying replied sarcastically.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" spoke someone from right behind Wei.

Wei almost fell off his crossbeam. "AAAHHH!!!"

"Hello Tong," Liang said, as though people floated in the air normally. "And Wei, do try not to give us away."

Wei glared at Tong. "It's his fault! He snuck up behind me!"

"Yes, it is. I assume full responsibility. Not that I see how it would matter, but…" Tong trailed off. "By the by, why are you three up here?"

Ying sighed. "Don't play oblivious Tong! Only a blind and deaf man could possibly have missed the reason why."

"Fine, fine," Tong smirked. "Just playing with you. But I'm guessing you don't want to be found right now? I'm usually the only one who's ever this high above the ground for an extended period of time."

"How long can you hover like that?" Wei asked curiously.

"For as long as I want," Tong grinned behind his veil. "Comes with being a sorcerer, it does! Back on topic, you three don't want to be found. What's keeping me from ratting you out?"

"Blackmail, possibly?" Liang contributed mildly. "I've known you for ages, Tong. I have plenty of things to use against you."

Tong rolled his eyes. "If anyone's going to get blackmailed it's you. My reputation is one for being strange. No one will mind whatever you have. _You_ on the other hand have plenty of reputation to uphold. If anyone were to find out…"

"Point taken!" Liang replied almost hastily. Hey, he was _the_ Zhuge Liang. Zhuge Liang was never hasty. Almost, sometimes, but _never_ hasty.

Ying shrugged, "Go ahead. Be a tattletale. See if we care."

Tong grinned. "Fine by me! HEY, YUN, CHAO! I FOUND THEM!" he called.

"You just _had_ to do that?" Liang asked her exasperatedly.

"I didn't think he'd do it," Ying grinned guiltily. "And besides, we're almost invincible for a while. Chao'd have to aim really well to knock all three of us off. Aside from that, they can only knock the columns down. Or hire Tong. But he can't really push us off while sitting on that staff of his."

Another cloud of dust rose as Yun, Chao, Cai, Ping, and Zhong raced to where Tong had yelled. After a few minutes of blinking and looking around, Tong sighed. "Up here, people!"

After a few seconds of awed silence, Cai spoke up. "So what are we going to do with them?"

"We aren't leaving them there! They deserve to be punished for the injustice they have wrought upon us!" Chao raged.

"Well," Liang started calmly. "How do you propose you get us down?"

"Hey, we're not going to kill _you_," Ping offered cheerfully. "After all, we might need some help in the Prank War. But nobody said we couldn't kill them!"

Ying grinned slightly, "Well, it does say that you can't hurt anyone _somewhere_ in the War rulebook. I'm sure it does."

Yun smiled evilly, "Oh, we're not going to _hurt_ you, really. But we _can_ make your lives miserable for a long, long time!"

"You'll have to get us down irst," Wei pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Do you mind knocking them off, Tong?" Cai asked sweetly.

Tong hovered around for a while, "Mm….maybe. But I really need to get going now. There's a book in my office calling my name…"

And he floated off.

"Well," Ping said uncertainly. "What do we do now?"

"How about we finish the Prank War without killing and/or sabotaging anyone?" Ying offered helpfully.

Zhong glared up at her, "Not on your life, missy!"

"You can't get us down. What else are you going to do?" Liang asked amusedly.

"We can leave you up there to starve!" Chao replied.

Cai, Ping, and Liang shared a glance. _Now_. "Or," Ping offered cheerily while taking out his giant scimitar. "We can cut these columns down!" With three neat slices, he slashed through the columns supporting Ying and Wei's crossbeams.

_Is he _serious? Wei thought, dumbfounded. _That's vandalism! Bei'll blow a fuse! _That was when he felt himself falling.

CRASH! _Wait_…Wei thought groggily. _We've hit the floor…why haven't we stopped falling?_

"Prank successful!" Chao and Yun announced in unison before starting to laugh.

Liang jumped down from his crossbeam. "Good job everyone," he said with a grin as Tong floated back around the corner.

"I take it went as planned?" he asked, eying the pit in the middle of the hallway amusedly.

"Perfectly," Liang smirked. "Our teams work well together."

Something snapped above the Pranksters. "Are you six _sure _the roof isn't going to fall?" Zhong asked nervously.

"Yes," Tong and Liang replied at the same time. Liang explained, "The structure of the roof won't fall unless Ping cut one of the main support columns."

Zhong raised an eyebrow. "And you're _sure _that he didn't?

That was when the roof collapsed with a BOOM on top of the pit Ying and Wei were in, not to mention Zhong, Ping, Liang, Yun, and Chao. Lucky Cai and Tong had been right outside the area of falling roof.

After waiting for the dust to settle, Cai asked quite calmly for the situation, "Is everyone okay?" Granted she wasn't very calm herself, but at least she was safe.

"Idiot here just collapsed the roof," Zhong coughed. "Is _that_ supposed to be okay?"

"OH FU XI, WHAT HAPPENED????" Bei had arrived and was staring at the mess in absolute _horror_.

Wei climbed out of the pit awkwardly and brushed the dust and wood chips off his clothes. "Ping cut down a few columns, hence the collapsed roof and the falling crossbeams," he reported. "So far, I can only confirm that Cai, Liang, Tong, and I are unharmed."

Bei sighed forlornly. "How in China are we supposed to conquer Wei and Wu if you insist on killing each other?" he moaned.

"Relax my lord!" Yun crawled out of the debris. "No one died!"

"Off to the hospital wing, all of you!" Bei shooed them away. "I'm just glad no one innocent was hurt."

* * *

Ping groaned, "I can't believe that we have to stay here for who knows how long!"

"It was your fault!" Cai reminded him. "You didn't have to cut down those three columns! The one supporting both beams would have knocked them both into the pit perfectly!"

"So now what do we do?" Liang asked. Being new to the War, he wasn't quite sure what one did in the case of injury.

Ying sighed, "We postpone the resumption of the War until everyone's healed.

"We can't wait that long!" Liang objected. "We only have one member hurt!"

Tong glared at him. "That's your team. Both _my_ team members are injured!"

"And Ying's arm is broken," Wei added. "I can't assume responsibility for the War with only myself."

Cai conceded, "True. We will have to postpone it. Frankly, I'm not too happy with Ping's injury either." She glanced at Ping's ankle which had swollen quite a bit. "But do we need to wait until Zhong is healed?"

Everyone turned to look at the veteran officer who was snoring loudly.

"We'll have to or he'll murder us," Yun stated matter-of-factly. "And plus, we don't know that _he_ won't recover before the rest of us."

"CAI! CAI, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" Fei and Yu came crashing through the door, scaring the doctor senseless.

Cai blinked, "Hello Father! I'm fine. What's wrong?"

"THE ROOF COLLAPSED ON TOP OF YOU! THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!" Fei roared. "YOU!" He rounded on Ping. "YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE _IDIOT_ IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE ROOF WOULD COME FALLING DOWN!"

"Hey, leave my son alone, Fei!" Yu said impatiently. "He's the one injured, not Cai!"

"Brothers, brothers! Please, they need to rest!" Bei had wearily followed Fei and Yu at a walk. "What's the report, doctor?"

The doctor, now a bit calmer, looked down at the bamboo sticks he'd been recording his doings on. "Lord Guan Ping has broken his left ankle. Lady Huang has a broken right arm. Lord Zhao has fractured his tibia, a bone in his lower leg. Lord Ma has a concussion. Lord Huang broke a rib."

Wei winced, "Ouch. How can he still snore like that?"

"I haven't the faintest idea." Liang shrugged. "It's not in my interest to have one, either."

Bei glared at his main strategist. "That wasn't nice!"

"But it's true."

Ying rolled her eyes, "Don't bother, Bei. His honesty will get him killed one day. But until it kills someone else, we don't need to worry about it. And even then, we won't need to worry about it unless the victim is someone from our kingdom."

Bei sighed, "True, true. Anyway, you Prank War people, all of you. Can we _please _not destroy my palace? It's a very nice palace and it didn't do anything to you!"

Chao coughed, "Well, that's not quite true, Bei. The crossbeams prevented us from achieving our goal."

"Which was very smart of it, seeing as if you'd carried out your goal, Shu would be short two of its talented officers," Bei told him severely. "_Then_ how would we unify China?"

"We could always set a bomb in the palaces of Wu and Wei," Yun grinned. "Then we wouldn't have to battle them at all!"

"We don't have a big enough bomb," Liang thought out loud. "But that _is_ a possibility…we could always just place several bombs. We would need an inside spy…and of course, bombing one palace does not guarantee the death of all the officers of Wei. Officers are usually scattered about…"

Ying whacked him with her scythe which, finally, was back in her hands. Too bad she couldn't swing it around anymore what with her broken arm…"Worry about bombing other kingdoms later. Worry about letting us get some sleep _now_!"

"Of course, of course…" and with that, the strategist left, muttering under his breath about the possible ways to finally rid himself of the meddlesome Sima Yi and Zhou Yu.

Tong stared after him, "I'm glad I'm not on his bad side…"

"Who said you weren't?" Wei raised his eyebrows. "After all, you _did_ abandon us on the crossbeams."

Tong laughed, "That was a jointed prank, Wei." He shook his head. "I was 'acting the part' as it were. Without me, you might have started questioning Liang's helping you two. Me showing up reaffirmed Liang's lie about everyone being too busy chasing you two to plan a prank. After all, I wouldn't be floating around if they weren't, I'd be planning."

Ying groaned. "So let me get this straight…all of you knew we were in the closet, Liang planned where to lead us, and you all dug a _pit _under the crossbeams you estimated we would get on?"

"Exactly!" Chao said triumphantly. "And it worked pretty well, too!"

Yun winced, "Except for the, you know, roof thing."

"Yes," Bei interfered impatiently. "And now that we know that the roof thing _does _happen, it will _not _be happening again. _Is that clear?_"

The Pranksters grumbled discontentedly. Seeing this, Bei continued, "Look where it's got you! You postponed the Prank War because of it!"

"I suppose," Ping muttered grudgingly.

"There's no 'supposing'," Yu reinforced Bei's announcement. Glaring at the Pranksters, he said, "No more vandalism or you'll be expelled from the War!"

Bei cleared his throat. "Now that _that's _clear, all of you need sleep."

"My lord is right," the doctor took over. "All of you need rest. Lady Zhang, Lord Jiang, Lord Guan, Lord Zhang, my liege, I humbly request on the behalf of my patients that you leave. Their limbs will not mend if they do not get some rest."

* * *

Wei left the hospital wing thinking about the situation with the Prank War. Bones took a long time to mend. Surely the Prank War could not be postponed for all the days it took the other members to get better.

And it couldn't be rescheduled, either. The Prank War _always_ ended on April First at sundown. There were no exceptions. Hmm…he'd have to talk to the other original pranksters to work something out tomorrow.

* * *

Current Prank War standings for Shu:

Team 1:

Yue Ying: 1

Jiang Wei: 1

Team 2:

Zhuge Liang: 1 (joint with Team 3)

Xing Cai:0

Guan Ping: 1

Team 3:

Pang Tong: 1 (joint with Team 2)

Ma Chao: 0

Zhao Yun: 0

Don't worry; the last team will catch up! wipes imaginary sweat off her forehead This one took a while! Sorry about that!

Next Chapter: DAY ONE IN WEI! dun dun DUN (I love doing that!)

Dracling Unicorn


	5. Day 1, Wei

A/N: Alrighty! I'm ALIVE! YES! It was a really close call, though. I despise Geometry. Also, apology on this chapter; it's SO late. I was expecting to have it posted about a month ago, but I added in a few scenes and elaborated the ending, so that took a while. I'm also taking summer school chemistry, but that'll be over this week…

Anyway, just remember to note, no couples have actually gotten married yet, and the only couple that isn't starting from scratch is Da/Ce. And by scratch, I mean nothing other than little crushes and/or past incidents. The point is, none of the couples in this story have actually gotten together except Da/Ce and they're going to run into quite a few problems of their own as well.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story were real people during the Three Kingdoms Period. Koei holds copyright over costumes, weapons, items, et cetera. It does NOT have a copyright on anything else because the horses were real, the characters were real, and the places were real. The plot belongs to me.

**Note:** Haha, yes, I'm alive, after more than half a year of not updating this fic. Don't worry, I'm working on it! Here's the revised Chapter 5, which is….VERY different from the old one. Seriously, I mean like rewritten half the chapter. The bets at the end are different, there are different scenes, some taken out, some added in, hopefully some grammar fixed.

**

* * *

Chapter Five: Day 1, Wei**

The beautiful morning of the beautiful date of March 26 found the beautiful Zhang He sneaking into the beautiful room of the equally beautiful heir to the Wei throne, Cao Pi.

Of course, as Zhen Ji had tiredly snapped, the morning wasn't _really_ beautiful since the sun hadn't come up yet, but both Ji and He knew that in order for his prank to work, it would have to be set up before dawn.

Technically, that was stretching the rules a bit, since the war didn't start _until _dawn, but Ji and He figured it wouldn't really matter. Pranksters were all about bending rules, anyway.

Of course, that just prompted the grumpily pessimistic Ji to point out that Pi could have spent the night somewhere other than his room in order to avoid being pranked. _Women_, He thought with a sigh. They could be extraordinarily beautiful, but their moods often weren't.

He silently opened the door to Pi's room. Unlit candles, Check. No sunlight through the windows, check. Lump in the bed, check. Emergency Weapon: Pure Havoc, Check.

Cautiously, He opened his package of bamboo leaves. Using some sticky rice from the package, he attached a string to the ceiling right above the Wei heir's face.

The other end of the string was hurriedly tied to a large, fake spider, complete with eight eyes, eight hairy legs, and viciously sharp teeth. Barely containing his laughter, He crept back out the door and back to bed.

Right before He fell asleep, he remembered one more thing and jolted awake. Silently cursing and berating himself, he got up and fixed the problem.

After all, it would be the end of the world if the beautiful Zhang He went to bed without combing his long, beautiful hair. Oh, and locking his door. But, of course, that wasn't as important as his beautiful hair.

* * *

Cao Pi loved his warm, soft, comfortable, fluffy bed. It always left him feeling perfectly happy. Pi's favorite time of day was when he'd just woken up, nestled in his wonderful bed.

Awake now, Pi kept his eyes closed, savoring the last minutes he had with his wonderfully warm bed before he had to face another boring pointless day. He sighed, wishing he could just spend the day in bed. Unfortunately, not even the emperor-to-be could do that.

Reluctantly, Pi opened his eyes.

Ji and He covered their ears with Ji's pillows as soon as they heard the shriek. "I love how he's deathly afraid of spiders," Ji smirked smugly, ill humor all but forgotten. "Good work, He."

"Of course," He replied. Oh, there was absolutely no point pretending to be modest. He was good, he knew it, and he didn't bother hiding it. "Did you really expect anything less from me?"

"No, I suppose not," Ji said thoughtfully. "Anyway, remember to watch your step. Yi's very tricky and he'll be _very_ irritated that his beauty sleep was interrupted. Especially since it was by his teammate screaming like a D.I.D."

She was met with a blank look. "A D.I.D.?" He asked. "What's that?"

Ji rolled her eyes. "Damsel in distress, duh! Humph, men…" And with that, she sauntered towards the door, making sure to give He the custom reminder whenever he was alone in her room. "Don't you dare touch any of my makeup!"

"And risk your wrath, beautiful as it is?" He asked loftily. "Perish the thought!"

* * *

Breakfast seemed rather cold today. That was Cao Cao's morning observation. He sighed inwardly. He hated these days. For some strange and unknown reason, on certain days, his officers would be unusually silent and, in Zhang He, Zhen Ji, Cao Pi, and Sima Yi's case, colder than usual.

It was very irritating. Especially since strange things had a tendency to happen on these days. Like the time the cooks had run out screaming that a mystic must have cursed the hens since there were no eggs.

Except when Cao had consulted the experts on hens, there was nothing wrong. And the next day, there were eggs again. Needless to say, he had the cooks take a day off, which made everyone mad at him. Well, he couldn't very well just let them continue with their madness! What if it was contagious?

Oh, and never mind that the four officers mentioned above would scream out randomly, and then say it was nothing when Cao went to investigate.

As it didn't happen all too often, Cao usually decided to just wait the phase out. But this time, he would find out what was going on. After all, one does not expect one's heir and son to scream like a girl and then deny anything happened.

Especially if the screamer was one Cao Pi. Seriously, the guy was a literal ice cube. Cao had been so proud the day that Pi had actually glared stonily at him for ordering him to retreat. The glare had been so intimidating…

Which was why Cao was going to find out what made Pi scream. The fact that Pi _had_ screamed was disturbing enough. The scream _itself_ had been so high-pitched and loud, everyone had thought the palace was on fire.

And nobody expected it to be Pi, of all people. Pi screaming? If someone had told the officers of Wei that Pi knew how to scream, he'd be sent straight to the asylum and banned from wine for a year.

In fact, most everyone at the breakfast table seemed to think they were still dreaming. His cousins, the Xiahou's, were still blinking stupidly at their onion pancakes.

No, wait, that was his fault for keeping them up in a discussion on an attack on Shu. Nothing had actually clicked for them, and all three ended up going to bed at sometime around three a.m.

Cao sipped his coffee calmly, mentally praising whoever had first thought to make a drink from those strange beans from the jungle.

* * *

Cao Pi glared moodily at his breakfast, all the while imagining Zhang He stuck in a spiderweb. Seriously, if the guy liked spiders so much, why did he insist on obsessing over butterflies?

Well, one might argue that He didn't particularly like spiders and it was Ji's knowledge that gave him the idea in the first place.

But whatever. Pi said He was supposed to be stuck on a spiderweb, so He obviously was supposed to be stuck on a spiderweb. Of course, now Pi would have to find a web big enough for "butterfly boy" but, there was always the alternative of making one and dropping it on him. Along with a lot of spiders.

_But Yi might have to do that part_, Pi admitted sullenly, glancing at the quiet strategist. After all, Pi was scared of spiders. He hated being scared of them, but he was.

Plan idea equals complete. Pi smirked confidently. _Revenge is _so_ sweet!

* * *

_

"Not a bad idea," Sima Yi acknowledged thoughtfully. "We create a net, use sticky rice to glue some spiders on, and drop it on him. Simple, albeit slightly uncreative."

Pi scowled, "We can find a good, creative prank to win the 'Best Prank' award later! Let's get them back _now_!"

"Fine, fine," Yi held up his hands in acquiescence. "But we'll need to find a way to keep your father from noticing that He's caught in a net…"

"Or we could just have Ji let him out ASAP," Pi contributed, idly twirling a leaf. The pair was currently lounging under a tree outside the main complex of the palace. Yi always insisted that fresh air helped him think.

"True, but that would take the fun out of it."

"Point taken."

After a pause, Yi asked suddenly, "What about Ji? Do you have a vengeance plan for her?"

"I have another idea for that…" Pi smirked.

* * *

"Oh, no they didn't." Ji was glaring at her room in very desperate dismay. "No. No, this is all a nightmare and this is not, absolutely _not_ happening to me."

He held up his hands fearfully. "I swear I had nothing to do with it. I swear."

Ji closed her eyes, took a deep breath, grabbed her flute, and walked calmly outside. "I know, He. If you'll excuse me, there is a certain strategist and a certain evil heir of Wei that I need to kill."

"It's alright, Ji," He patted her cautiously. "It's just some makeup. We'll just get some maids to clean this mess up, wash your bed sheets, and we can buy some more. Just breathe. Remember to breathe. Breathing is good. Breathing is very good. In…out…in…out…"

Ji glared her very evil, angry, death glare at him. "He, unless you want to die a painfully horrid death, I'd advise you to get out of my way and let me kill those two people. _NOW_!"

He was by no means a coward. No, He was one of the best fighters of Wei! Yes, He was very proud to say that he was one of Wei's best warriors, right up there with Pang De, Dian Wei, Xu Zhu, and the Xiahou's. But that didn't mean he was _stupid_.

Without another word, He fled.

* * *

Yi was in big trouble, and he knew it. No, Sima Yi wasn't _worried_, gods forbid, but he knew when he had to be careful. And now was the time, because Ji in a fury was possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.

Well, right up there next to all the other lady warriors in a fury, anyway. Most women were quite intimidating when they wanted to be, which was why Sima Yi had absolutely no plans to marry. Absolutely not.

"Remind me again why we're in the chicken coop, Yi?"

Yi sighed, "You're not stupid, Pi, and you don't need me to answer that."

"You can't tell me that, in the entire palace of Wei, there is _no where else_ that Ji and He would be less inclined to look. I know chickens are messy and disorganized, but wouldn't someplace like the stables be better?"

Yi rolled his eyes. "I suppose you wanted to hide in a stall or a haystack?" he asked sarcastically. "They'd check there; it's not as if they don't tend to their own horses! But there _really_ is _no_ place to hide in a chicken coop."

"Exactly my point!" Pi argued. "If anyone came in, there'd be no place to hide! So why are we _here_?"

Yi sighed. "Since there is no place to hide in the chicken coop, Ji and He won't check here. They'll do a mental sweep of the coop, figure out there's no place to hide, and dismiss the idea of checking it.

"Or, at least," he amended after a pause, "Ji will. Remember, we're expecting He to find us first since he's more likely to be less analytical and just search each place systematically. Besides," Yi changed the topic, "I thought you said hiding was undignified."

"It is, but that's only when the Prank War isn't going on."

"…Whatever you say…"

Pi smirked, "Exactly. As heir of Wei, I'm _always _right."

"Even if you say the sky is pink?"

"If I say the sky is pink, then it _better_ be pink!"

* * *

Ji stomped around the Wei palace, asking left and right if anyone had seen a Lord Sima Yi or a Lord Cao Pi. If anyone _had_ seen them, they weren't telling. Ji mentally cursed their importance to Wei.

If she were the empress, then at least, _Yi's_ hiding spot might be revealed. But _no_! Seemingly, threats from Cao Cao's heir and the Lord Strategist were too intimidating for anyone to help the _only _female of high status in Wei. If _only _she had more _power_!

Scowling, Ji stared into space, mentally scanning everywhere they could possibly be. After a few minutes, during which the Xiahou brothers gave her several confused looks, she smiled evilly and stalked off.

* * *

Pi was bored. Very, _incredibly_ bored. "How much longer do we have to stay here?" he demanded.

"Depends," Yi replied shortly. "Depends on how long Ji decides to search for us, when she gives up, when she calms down, and/or when He finds us here. Depends on a lot of things."

_So _reassuring. "So how are we supposed to know if she's given up?"

"We don't."

Pi _really_ could have killed himself there. Remembering to take deep breaths, in and out, in and out, he asked calmly, "So why are we still here?"

Yi gave him an incredulous look that Pi didn't appreciate _at all_. Finally, Yi said, "Do you _really _want to go out there and risk Ji's wrath? I'll bring black roses to your funeral."

Pi winced, "Point taken."

"Oh really?" asked a voice from the door. "So I guess I shouldn't go tell my teammate that her victims are hiding in the chicken coop?"

Pi whirled around. Yi just closed his eyes and sighed, "Don't bother. It's He and the question is rhetorical."

"I know _that_!" Pi snapped, glaring at He. "What do you want?"

He raised a delicate eyebrow. "Want? How about your dead bodies sent on the fastest messenger horse to Ji? It would certainly keep her from snapping at me every five seconds."

He looked at Pi's unmoved and unsympathetic face and sighed. "No? Fine. I suppose I should go find her with the news that you're hiding in this _very_ undignified spot." He made a point of looking around disgustedly.

"That won't be necessary," Yi replied lazily. "Now would be nice, Pi."

With a sinister smile, Pi took his dagger and cut the rope holding the giant spider net above the butterfly general.

* * *

Unfortunately for Ji, when she arrived at the chicken coop after her brainstorm, He had only been despairing of his appearance for five minutes. And that was nowhere near enough time for him to wail about his clothes and the spiders that had fallen off the net because there wasn't a lot of sticky rice.

"What _happened _to you, He?" Ji asked, appalled and somewhat surprised. "And why haven't you gotten out of that yet? Surely you can cut the ropes. And even if you can't, it's just a net. Lift it off yourself!"

He glared at her. "Weapons tear at my clothes and are horribly inconvenient. I do keep daggers hidden, but moving would get the spiders even _more_ caught in my beautiful hair!"

Ji rolled her eyes, lifted the net off of him, and, at his insistence, picked the spiders out of his hair. "You could really do this yourself, with the help of a beautiful maid, you know," she told him, scowling. "I could be using this valuable time hunting down Pi and Yi!"

"Or mooning after the beautiful Lord Zhou Yu?" He asked shrewdly, effectively shutting her up about his inability to clean the spiders out of his hair.

"_NO_!" Ji retorted sharply. "And if you stop fooling with these absurd notions, you could hurry and help me get these spiders out so that we could kill those two idiots!"

He smirked, "You know, I might be willing to help you with Yu. It would be amusing and give me something to do."

"I want nothing to do with him!" Ji snapped irritably. "He's beneath my interest."

"But _not_ beneath your station," He pointed out. "He's sophisticated, and the sworn brother of the heir of Wu. He's young, but already he's one of the main strategists. If you could get him to fall in love with, and possibly _marry _you, you would gain quite a bit of power."

When Ji opened her mouth to retort, He added smugly, "Besides, you may be a great liar, but _I'm_ one of your best friends. I _know_ you've got your eye on him, and I don't blame you. He's beautiful _and_ talented. Not bad."

(A/N: That was totally a quote from DW5 Empires. Sorry, I couldn't resist!)

Ji gave up protesting and, instead, opted to turn the tables. The best defense was, after all, a good offence. She raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "And what's in it for you?"

"Me?" He asked innocently. "Why, _beautiful_ me just wants to help out my beautiful friend."

If Ji hadn't been a lady of elegance, she would have snorted. "Of course. I'm sure this has _nothing _to do with your obsession with the little Qiao. An obsession that even _I_ can't understand."

He looked scandalized. "Why not?" He asked indignantly. "She's beautiful, and she reminds me so much of a beautifully delicate little butterfly!"

Ji wasn't impressed. "Just because she can fly?"

"And her fans are even _more_ beautiful than butterfly wings!" He added rapturously.

"I'm sure." Ji said, unconvinced. But then, He was attracted to a lot of beautiful girls. He never did anything about his various attractions and Ji figured this, like all the others, would just pass.

"Do you want my beautiful help or not?" He asked impatiently.

Ji considered it for a moment. "Very well. After all, what have we got to lose?"

"Our beautiful reputations?"

Ji glared at him. "Well then we better not mess this up!" After a few moments' thought, she added, "And we still need to kill Pi and Yi with a monster prank! Hurry! I've got this awesome idea!"

"Wait!" He protested. When Ji gave him an impatient glare, He said petulantly, "My beautiful hair isn't done yet!"

* * *

Xu Zhu munched happily on his meat bun in the place he loved best: the kitchen. Floating in the bliss that was his daily life, Zhu almost didn't notice one harassed-looking cook being soothed by the perpetually calm and cool Pi.

Almost. Besides, Cao had asked Zhu to make note of any strange behaviors and conversations about his son, his strategist, Ji, and He. So, Zhu obediently followed his order and eavesdropped on the conversation. With his delicious meat bun, of course.

"…Imperial Majesty would wish to know! It will be on my head if something is wrong with the chickens!" That would be the cook.

"Don't worry." That had to be Pi's soothing voice. The boy would make a great politician, Zhu noted. "I'll take it up with my father and nothing will happen. Just make sure that nothing about me and chickens gets out, understood?"

The cook bowed, "Yes Imperial Highness!"

With that, Pi left the kitchen. Zhu would have gotten up and followed him but there were bound to be more meat buns somewhere and that eavesdropping had made him hungry all over again. Catching sight of the maid who'd given him his previous bun, Zhu smiled happily. Cao would be _so _pleased.

* * *

Yi sighed, annoyed. Pi wasn't easy to read, but if something was on his mind, you could tell if you knew him well enough. One sign was the overuse of "Politely Disinterested Agreement".

Simply put, that was smiling politely and giving answers like, "I see" and "Oh really?" and "Interesting…" without paying attention at all.

Yes, Pi was very good at that. Pi was also very good at hiding his feelings, even disdain. Except Pi never had a reason to hide his disdain at all, which sort of rendered the ability useless.

Anyway, most of the time, the only way to get Pi to spill what was on his mind was to interrogate him. As this could be dangerous, interrogation should always be conducted in a polite, civilized, and submissive manner.

"Alright, spill," Yi snapped at Pi.

Pi blinked, slightly bemused. "Spill what? There's nothing to spill!"

Yi rolled his eyes, "You almost right walked into the wall and you clearly haven't been listening to my latest plans for the Prank War. So spill. What's occupying what little mind you possess?"

"Hey," Pi frowned at him. "I may not be as smart as you or any other strategist, but I'm _not _stupid. _I _have _much_ more promise than that stupid heir of Shu, Liu Chan. You should be glad_ I'm_ the heir and _not_ some empty-headed little boy!"

Yi raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Seems to me that, from my position as strategist, an 'empty-headed little boy' would be easier to manipulate."

Pi scowled, "So? A leader needs _charisma_. And _I _happen to have a _lot _of charisma!"

"Ji seems to think otherwise," Yi pointed out, taking a stab in the dark as to what was bothering Pi. To his satisfaction, Pi's scowl deepened.

"That's _completely_ off topic!" Pi glared. "Ji just has _problems_!"

"You're doubting that," Yi stated matter-of-factly.

"I am _not_!"

Yi gave an exasperated sigh. "Let me take a guess at what's on your mind. Ji, from all looks of it, disdains of you. You've always been looked up to and worshipped as heir of Wei and, conveniently, one of the most eligible men in China. Except Ji's immune to all that and, actually, is swearing to see your head roasting over a fire. That's bothering you, especially since you're attracted to her."

The last sentence caused Pi to yelp. That's right. Yelp. "I am most definitely _not_ attracted to her, you blithering idiot!"

"You know, an overly reactive denial is a definite sign of a lie. You'd do well to remember that."

Pi glared at Yi. "I'll remember," he said coolly. "And _you _had best remember that you _cannot _manipulate me. Remember that when I am sitting on my father's throne!"

Yi blinked, "Are you _still _stewing over that? You must be _paranoid _that I'll take over your throne!"

When he was met with silence, Yi looked at him incredulously. "I was _kidding_, Pi!" he rolled his eyes. "I'm not about to steal your throne from you."

"Really?" Pi looked at his partner suspiciously.

"Of course!" Yi wasn't lying. He wasn't _about_ to steal Pi's throne. His descendants were another matter, but by that time, it wouldn't be _Pi's _throne. It'd be someone else's.

* * *

After giving Pi specific instructions as to their next Prank War move, Yi quickly slid back to his room. Setting up their next prank was their top priority, next to not being killed. And the key to setting up their prank was not getting caught setting it up.

That normally wasn't a huge problem, since most officers in Wei knew to give the Pranksters a wide berth during the Prank War. Unfortunately, with Ji and He hunting him and Pi, Yi had figured the best way to set up the prank was in disguise.

Hence, the two partners had split up to find suitable disguises and would meet up at the site of the planned prank an hour later. Yi focused on his situation.

Half of Ji's recognition would be in the color of the clothes he wore. His normal purple robes did match the Wei theme, but was blatantly obvious since its sweeping layers shouted "_strategist_" to the world.

Yi glanced around his wardrobe, searching for something that wouldn't scream "_SIMA YI IS HERE!"_ Nothing. Alright, so maybe something else might be needed. After thinking about it a moment, Yi headed to He's room, confident that He was still out searching for him with Ji.

* * *

Pi would have jumped when the door opened if he had less self-control. "What are you doing here?" he asked as Yi slid into He's room silently.

"The same thing as you, if I'm not mistaken," was Yi's cool reply. "Stealing some of He's clothes and mixing it with mine." After a moment of thought, he added, "And perhaps using a bit of makeup. Apparently you can do wonders with it…maybe we can make ourselves look like servants or something."

"I'm _not _impersonating a servant," Pi replied flatly. Honestly, did Yi have no dignity? "And no servant would dress like He and put on makeup."

Yi rolled his eyes. "Sorry, that was two separate ideas. We could impersonate the normal visiting nobles or we could impersonate servants."

"I'm _NOT _impersonating a _servant_," Pi repeated disdainfully. "And those visiting nobles get on my nerves."

Yi sighed exasperatedly. "It's your head. Myself, I think I'll go get some of Ji's makeup. Whatever's left of it after we pulled that prank, anyway. With luck, I'll be able to put some fake scars on my face and imitate Lord Zheng."

"Good luck with that," Pi said absently. "Hey, do you think cross-dressing would be effective?"

Yi stared at him incredulously, then shrugged. "You can try, although I think people would notice that you're not a girl, even if you were in a dress."

"What about the makeup, though?" Pi asked thoughtfully. "If I stole one of Ji's plainer robes, used a bit of makeup, and put my hair up…"

Eying Yi speculatively, Pi continued, "You ought to let your hair down. Nobody's used to seeing you like that, so it would work really well as a disguise."

Yi immediately rejected the idea. "I refuse to degrade myself into imitating Zhuge Liang or Zhou Yu's hairstyles."

"Well, maybe _you _should be the one to cross-dress then." Pi suggested. "I mean, your robes already resemble a lady's, so..."

"Absolutely not."

Pi scowled at him, "Stop being so stubborn! Do you want to get caught or not?"

"I can have a good disguise _without_ dressing like a girl, thank you very much!" Yi snapped.

"Look," Pi explained patiently, "Ji and He might eventually suspect that, since they can't find us, we're in disguise. They will _not _expect us to be dressed as _girls_. Therefore, the best disguise would be a female's. Got it?"

"We don't need the 'best disguise'," Yi retorted. "We just need a _good _one!"

"A girl would be a good one!"

"Somehow, I don't think two girls in the palace that no one has seen before would go unnoticed."

"But we're _not _going as two girls," Pi elaborated. "You'll dress as the girl, and I'll a bodyguard or escort of some sort!"

"Why do _you _get to be the bodyguard?"

Pi rolled his eyes, "Because I can actually _fight _normally. Seriously, what _male _bodyguard fights with a feather _fan_? Now let's get you dressed!"

* * *

He sighed for the umpteenth time. "Ji, how long do we have to keep searching?"

Ji glared at him from the closet she was searching in. "What would you _rather _do? We've already set up a prank, but we need to find our victims first! How can we lure them to the trap if we don't know where they are?"

"Can't we just wait next to the trap, wait for them to walk by, and then set it off?"

"No," Ji retorted. "That would take forever."

"So will checking every single spot in the palace!" He persisted. "It'd be so much more efficient if we set up even more traps!"

"And what happens if someone steps into one that _isn't _in the Prank War?" Ji asked rhetorically, leaving the room they'd been searching.

He sighed and followed his teammate. "Well they don't have to be automatic traps. We can set manual traps that _we _have to set off."

"We can't be in more than 2 places at once," Ji argued. "More than two traps is out of the question, and even two is shifty. What if someone spots it? Cao Cao will be rather…interested in why there are nets and other…questionable items hanging above random spots in his palace."

He scowled irritably. "Fine, fine. It's just, we've been at this for forever and Wei's already at a disadvantage because we've only got four pranksters. Wu and Shu have eight or nine. We can't possibly hope to out-prank them if we don't make the best of our time."

Ji rolled her eyes and sighed. "Got a better idea?" she asked, opening the door to the next guestroom.

Reluctantly, He followed her in. "No, but this is getting old. Not even beautifully old, like antique statues in age-old temples, but just _old_."

"Deal with it," Ji snapped crossly. "Now help me search!"

Biting back a tired sigh, He acquiesced and started checking all the customary hiding spots.

Five minutes later, a daring idea flitted across his mind. "Ji?"

"What?" Ji's muffled voice asked from inside a walk-in closet.

"I've got prank plan!"

Ji poked her head out curiously. "It's not a trap-prank, is it?" she asked suspiciously. "We've been over why we can't have more than one trap-prank at a time."

"I know, I know, automatic trap-pranks are no good, and more than one trap-prank would risk exposure to Cao Cao, I know. But this isn't a trap prank," He said smugly. "This…is a shot at the Master Prankster title!"

* * *

"Not like _that_, Yi!" Pi said exasperatedly. "Honestly, have you ever seen a girl walk like _that_?"

Yi scowled darkly at his partner. "You know very well that I don't pay attention to any females besides Ji." Seeing his partner still, Yi hastened to add, "And even with Ji, I don't _notice _these things!"

Pi raised an eyebrow, still suspicious. "Why not? You're not usually unobservant."

"I'm not _unobservant_. These details are just…not useful. How would noticing the difference between a man and a woman's gaits be of _any _use to me? I'm not courting anyone!"

"You might in the future."

Yi scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous. Women are far too troublesome and there aren't that many benefits from one. I won't be needing an heir any time soon, since I don't plan on dying for quite some time."

"Mores the pity," Pi smirked, temporarily appeased. "However, now's your time to learn. Who knows? Maybe this will come in handy when you _do _decide to court someone."

"Somehow, I doubt it," Yi grumbled, glancing dismally at his attire.

"Look at the bright side," Pi offered consolingly, noting Yi's despair. "The only real difference is that as a girl, you have to wear your skirt under your yi instead of over it. And the yi hem is curved, but that doesn't make _that _much of a difference. It can't be _that _uncomfortable"

Yi's scowl deepened, "Comfort is not the issue. _Dignity _is. Not only am I dressed as a _servant_, I'm also dressed as a _girl_. And _why _did I end up as a serving girl and not a regular serving _male_?"

Pi shrugged, "You'll blend in more with your hair braided. A little bit of unnoticeable makeup and your disguise will blend in _perfectly_. Besides, I'm not going to disguise myself as a servant if you don't."

"Let me get this straight," Yi sorted out the last half hour as best as he could. "We're disguising ourselves as servants so that we won't be questioned or stopped while we're setting up our prank.

"The reason I'm dressed as a female is because I'll be less recognizable. The reason you're _not _is because people are used to seeing you with your hair down or in a ponytail. And….we're supposed to be…siblings? New sibling servants for the castle," Yi rolled his eyes. "Good Fu Xi, we are _not _going to get out of this alive."

"Yes," Pi retorted firmly. "We will. Now let's get the materials and move out already! That prank won't set itself up!"

* * *

After stopping to speak with a maid about something, Ji returned to the room she and He were currently searching.

"What was that about?"

Ji shook her head innocently, "Nothing much. I was just preparing a little something in case things get out of hand. Find anything?"

He sighed wearily, "Nothing."

"Your room is next, then," Ji said simply. Upon arriving at the He's room, however, she found it…blocked. By two…servants who were meddling with the door. "What's going on here?" she asked impatiently.

Both servants turned and quickly bowed. "Forgive us, milady," the male servant said. "There's a problem with the door and it won't open properly."

Ji frowned. That voice was…strangely familiar. But then, so would most of the servants' voices. "I see. That's a problem. Is there anyone in the room currently?"

"No, milady."

Ji bit her lip, slightly suspicious. _Maybe Pi and Yi tampered with the door as their prank and these servants found out and had to fix it_. Turning to He, she asked, "Did you notice a problem with your door earlier?"

To her surprise, He didn't answer. He was staring at the female servant, who was steadfastly focusing on the ground. "Girl, what is your name?" he questioned, keeping his voice neutral.

"Zhu Ying, milord," she replied timidly. Ji winced, hopefully unnoticeably. The girl's voice was almost unnaturally high-pitched.

He was still staring at the girl. "He, what's wrong?" Ji asked, puzzled. He didn't pay much attention to servants, regardless of gender. Ji glanced at the servant girl. _Rather pretty_, she noted, doubting that was the reason for He's scrutiny. _Besides that, she really isn't out of the ordinary. So why is He _staring _at her?_

This development was…odd, to say the least. _I hope the pressure of the War hasn't finally made him lose whatever sense he had_.

"You're very tall for a girl," He said, suddenly grinning from ear to ear.

_Oh, he's _definitely _lost it_, Ji thought despairingly. "That's not very nice, He! And _what _was gotten into you? Why the sudden evil smile?"

"Take a closer look, Ji," He smirked triumphantly. "I think we've found what you were looking for."

Ji was incredibly confused. "What _I_ was looking for? And _what _are you going on about?"

"Just look at the girl, Ji."

Ji glanced at the poor serving girl. "What about her, besides that you're scaring her to death?"

"Look _closer_."

"What…" Ji looked at the girl hard. Long black hair, brown eyes that wouldn't look at her, taller than she was, long eyelashes, and…was that _makeup_? _Wait a second…_ "Yi?" Ji gaped. "Is that _you_?"

"Who?" the girl looked confused. "I'm Zhu Ying, milady."

Ji couldn't tear her eyes away from the servant. _I could _swear _that's Yi! But…she's a girl. A servant girl. Why is Yi a servant girl?_ "What……what's going on?"

He grabbed the servant girl to prevent her from escaping. "This, Ji, is our dear strategist Sima Yi."

"_What_?" Ji stared at her partner. "That means…" whirling around, she managed to grab the other servant before he could run off. "This is Pi?"

The servant let out a sigh, "I take it back, Yi," Pi's undisguised voice said. "You make an _awful _girl."

Ji couldn't believe her ears. "Wha…" Thunderstruck, she staggered back. "I…I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRETTY!" she wailed, pointing an accusatory finger at the cross-dressed strategist.

As soon as Yi heard Ji's shocked exclamation, he rushed to do damage control. Pi was definitely stupid enough to become jealous over a simple comment. "Why not? Your teammate certainly thinks I am. There's nothing wrong with noticing my beauty." 

_This is killing whatever dignity I ever had_, inner Yi moaned. _I'm going to _kill _Pi for ever thinking up this cursed idea_!!!

"_Finally_!" He exclaimed joyfully. "Yi, I am _ecstatic_ that you have finally accepted the true beauty you possess!"

Yi held back his wince. _It's for the good of our team_, he told himself firmly. "Of course," he replied smoothly. "Worry not, Ji, my beauty draws notice from _everyone_. It is only natural that even someone not in the least romantically inclined towards me, such as yourself, make passing note of the greatness of my beauty."

_That was long_, Yi worried mentally. _I hope Pi actually understood that_. Noting the puzzled frown on Pi's face, Yi sighed. Fortunately for him, Ji was particularly well-versed in long, flowery sentences about beauty.

"He means that even though I'm not attracted to him, it's natural that I noticed his _beauty_," the lady explained, having overcome her shock. Seeing Pi's surprised look, she added wryly, "Hanging around He has its uses sometimes."

"I see…" Pi nodded thoughtfully. "Well, now that Yi has discovered his inner beauty, I think it's time we got changed before his head starts swelling. Again."

He waved good-bye to them tearfully. "Appreciate your beauty, Yi! And if you need Pi to help, I'm sure he would be most willing!"

Unfortunately for He, his tirade was cut short by Ji's crashing into the ground. "He," his unfortunate teammate moaned, "you have _no _idea how _wrong_ that sounded."

* * *

As soon as Yi had gotten the rival team out of earshot, he turned to Pi and hissed, "If you _ever _mention that _ever _again, I'm going to _kill_ you!"

Pi blinked, slightly bemused. "Come on. It wasn't _that _bad! Besides," he smirked, "you got in touch with your inner beauty!"

Yi had to persuade himself not to kill his teammate on the spot. "That episode _completely _destroyed whatever dignity I had left. We are _not _repeating it and we are _never _going to mention it. _Ever_."

"Sure, sure," Pi waved a hand dismissively. "Luckily for us, we got the prank set up just before Ji and He walked by, so it wasn't a complete waste."

"Luckily for _you_," Yi said disgustedly. "If we hadn't gotten it set up, you definitely wouldn't be standing here right now."

"The disguises did serve a different purpose, though," Pi added thoughtfully. "If He and Ji hadn't been so distracted, they might have wondered _why _we were dressed as servants. And if we hadn't been disguised in the first place, they'd have been immediately suspicious."

"Hmph," Yi scowled. "Regardless of its degree of success, we are _never _repeating that escapade, or anything _remotely _similar, _ever _again."

Pi sighed and acquiesced, "Fine. Next time we'll try something else."

"Assuming there _is _a next time," Yi retorted.

* * *

After dodging Ji, He, and Yi for the rest of the day, Pi silently entered his room. Immediately, he checked that everything was in its proper place and no one "unexpected" was lurking around. Having confirmed that his room was safe, Pi relaxed and prepared for bed.

Unfortunately for him, just as he'd changed into his midnight blue sleeping robes, a roar sounded from Yi's room.

Seeing as it was Yi, Pi prepared himself for the worst. Yi didn't roar. Yell, definitely, shout, absolutely, but never roar. It just wasn't a Yi Thing. Tentatively, Pi cracked his door open and peeked out.

Five seconds later, Yi came storming across the hall to He's room. "YOU EVIL, CONNIVING LITTLE WORM! HOW DARE YOU?! _HOW __**DARE **__YOU?!!?!?!??!_ HAVE YOU _NO _SENSE OF _PRIVACY_??? I'LL _MURDER_YOU!!!!!!"

He emerged from his room and looked at Yi calmly and reproachfully. "Yi, _don't_ raise a fuss. It's not _beautiful_ to rage about! You must be _elegant_! And storming around is simply _not_ elegant!"

Yi looked ready to strangle him. "I'll give you _five minutes_ to set my room right again. If it's not back to black, blue, and purple in _five minutes_, I'm going to massacre your _beautiful_ hair and then proceed to rip you _limb _from _beautiful _limb!"

"_Really_, Yi," He continued with the all-too-familiar lecture known as the Beauty Lecture. "If you continue frowning and scowling and threatening to kill beautiful people, your beautiful face will get some _horrid _wrinkles and _then_ what will become of your beauty?"

"GAH!!" Yi was definitely ready to kill himself. Taking long deep breaths, in, out, in, out, Yi tried to retain his grip on sanity. "I'm _not _sleeping in a flaming pink room and I'm _not _sleeping in anyone else's room. My dignity has been infringed upon _too much_ today! Get my room back to its _normal, __**sane**_ colors and _maybe_ I won't have to disembowel you!"

He was not at all fazed. "You know, Yi, the original colors _were _rather beautiful, but you need to be open-minded about change!"

"I. Don't. _Care_. About. Stupid. _**Change**_!" Yi gritted. "Change it back _now_!"

"I'm afraid that's impossible," He shrugged. "You see, Ji and I used fabric dyes. It's not an odd variation of calligraphy ink. And, while the color might come off of the less absorbent items, your clothes and bed sheets will forever be that beautiful shade of pink."

"………." Yi's eye was starting to twitch rather violently. Deciding to do something selfless for once, Pi decided to make an entrance before He dug himself into an even deeper a hole.

"What's going on here?" Pi asked, doing his best to look unconcerned.

Yi glared hatefully at He. "Everything in my room seems to have turned pink, Pi. A very bright, flashy, vivid, _flaming_ pink. I refuse to sleep in a room that will burn the retinas of my eyes when I wake up!"

"I see…" Pi pretended to think about it. He shrugged and continued dismissively. "Well, get the maids to clean it up and let me get some sleep."

"It's not that easy, Pi," He smirked. "We used fabric dye to color everything in Yi's room, including all his clothes, hats, sheets, and…" He trailed off.

Yi narrowed his eyes. "And? This better not be what I think it is!"

For the first time since the beginning of the conversation, He looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well…it has to do with…your…fan, Yi."

Dead silence. Pi couldn't describe it as anything other than absolutely dead, not even a mouse moving, silence. Pi slowly started backing away. Yi was easy to annoy, true, but Yi _rarely_ completely lost his temper.

But then, no one had ever dyed Yi's weapon bright flashy pink.

* * *

Ji frowned anxiously. She'd never admit it, but right now, she was feeling very worried, both for herself and for He. The silence outside her room wasn't helping at all, either. Deciding to try to rescue her teammate, Ji opened her door and interrupted the silence outside the room next to hers.

"Hello, boys," Ji greeted, feigning disinterest. "You know, my room is still completely unacceptable. My bed sheets haven't finished drying yet, and it doesn't make sense to move those coarse guest sheets to my bed and move them back again once mine are done."

Pi glanced her, equally disinterested. "That's your problem, not mine." He turned towards Yi and continued. "There are some spare guest rooms available. Find a servant and have him or her take you to one. No pranks until tomorrow at sunrise; Day 1 is officially over." With that, Pi turned around, clearly intent on going to sleep.

Ji rolled her eyes at his retreating back. _Arrogant git. Who declared _him_ the leader of the Wei pranksters?_

* * *

Yi surveyed the guest room with distaste. Considering that the guest rooms in general were reserved for visiting nobles, he supposed it was passable. Although, honestly, if it wasn't, most of the visitors would be horribly offended and be more susceptible to defection.

Giving the room a final once-over and making note of the quality of everything, Yi nodded once and was changing for bed when the door opened.

"What do you mean there's only one spare guest room?" That would be Pi. "We can't _possibly_ have that many guests! It's _March_!"

"Just because it's March doesn't mean that we don't have visitors!" Ji snapped back. "And…oh, not _AGAIN_!!!"

Lucky for Pi, Ji, and the maid who'd brought Yi to the guest room, Yi had only removed his shirt and let his hair down. Yi, however, didn't seem to notice his lack of clothes before furiously asking, "What in Wei are _you _three doing here?" He glared at the maid. "I already have a room, thank you very much, and you can get _her,_" he pointed to Ji, "a _different _one!"

The terrified maid quickly dropped a curtsy. "Begging your pardon, milord, but there _aren't_ any other guest rooms. The other ones are occupied and there are simply _no _other rooms available!"

After a minute, Ji asked warily, "How long will it take for my room to be completely cleansed?"

"About four days, milady."

Yi digested the information. "And what of my room? How long will it take for my wardrobe and bed sheets to be replaced? How long will the repainting of the walls and furniture take?"

"At least four days, milord. If both the rooms need to be fixed immediately, the fastest either can be returned to normal is four days."

"I see." Pi wasn't happy. Pi wasn't happy _at all_. "And you're _sure _there are no spare rooms?"

If the maid hadn't feared for her life, she would have glared at him exasperatedly. As it was, a wrong look could get her fired from her job or sent to the executioner's sword. "I'm sure, Your Highness."

"Absolutely _positive_?"

"You know, Pi," Ji said exasperatedly. "She already answered your question. And unless _you _want to go check all the rooms for sleeping nobles, I suggest you stop _asking_! It's _annoying_."

Pi looked at her strangely. "Do you _want _to sleep in the same room and the same _bed_ as Yi?"

Ji flushed but held her head high. "Why do _you _care?"

"Who said I did?"

"If you _didn't_ you wouldn't have _asked_!"

"I'll ask whatever I want. It's not like you can stop me."

"My, my." He smoothly glided into the room. "Was that a _beautiful_ challenge I just heard?"

"No." Pi and Ji's flat responses were simultaneous, identical, and completely devoid of all emotion.

He ignored them. "You know, the most _beautiful _way to stop someone from saying something you don't want him or her to say is a beautiful kiss." Seeing Pi and Ji's glares, He sighed and looked at Yi exasperatedly. "At least _you _will side with me, right Yi?"

Yi looked at him oddly. "Side with you on _what_?"

"Why, that Pi and Ji could be in a beautiful and romantic relationship except they are so in denial they can't bring themselves to _ouch_!—"

Ji had wisely decided to shut him up in the most effective way possible: hit him very hard on the head.

Yi winced. _That sounded _very _painful_. Immediately, he made a mental note to step very, _very _carefully around the topic of Ji and Pi in a relationship.

He, meanwhile, was distracted from his earlier train of thought and was now reprimanding his teammate indignantly. "Ji, that was clearly uncalled for! While I know you're jealous of my beauty, _maiming _me is _not _going to lessen my beauty."

"No, but it shut you up," Ji retorted shortly.

Pi rolled his eyes. "Amusing as this is, if you two are quite finished, I'd like to get some rest. I thought you two needed beauty sleep!"

"We do!" Ji retorted. "But I am _not _sleeping in the same room and _bed_ as Yi!"

"You think _I _want this?" Yi snapped. "If you hadn't dyed my room _pink_, this wouldn't have happened!"

"_SILENCE_!" Pi hadn't yelled that loud since his brother Zhi beat him in the height department. He was still getting over that, actually. _My bookworm brother, taller than me? _Pi bitterly scoffed in his mind. _What god decided _that? _As the heir, I should _clearly _be taller, more imposing, cleverer, and generally more _useful _than _he _is._ _Of course, I already am more useful, more imposing, and cleverer. _Pi sighed ruefully, _I'm just lacking the height right now. Curse you, whatever god decides how tall we grow! _

Out loud, Pi scowled at his fellow pranksters. "I don't care _what _happens, but I'm going to bed. Have a _wonderful _night." With that, he wearily stalked back to his room.

He, Yi, and Ji looked at each other. "I truly think that Pi's jealous," He thought out loud.

Ji almost snorted. Almost. "Yeah, right. And pigs fly."

"No, only horses, butterflies, and hobos do," He replied.

Seeing Yi and Ji's skepticism and bemusement, He sighed and elaborated. "Out of the great generals of China, only Lord Ma Chao, Lady Xiao Qiao, and Lord Pang Tong can use their air charge and literally fly somewhere."

"I see. And this is significant how?" Yi asked, tired and deeply annoyed.

"Anything concerning the beautiful Lady Xiao Qiao is significant!" He glared at Yi.

"That's wonderful, He," Ji consoled him. "But you cannot fully appreciate Lady Xiao's beauty without beauty sleep, alright? And what would she say if you lost your own beauty because of lack of sleep?"

"I suppose…" He trailed off thoughtfully before he shrugged. "Have a good night, you two! Beauty requires a good amount of sleep, so sleep well!"

After He left, Yi sighed. "Finally. Two problems down, one left."

Ji glared at him. "Alright, since we're going to have to share a room, here's what we'll do. You'll take the rug and I'll take the bed."

Yi scoffed, "That's what a gentleman would do." When Ji looked at him, surprised, he continued, "But I'm not a gentleman. So sorry, but either we're both on the bed or you're off it."

"Fine," Ji acquiesced reluctantly. She hadn't expected him to agree. "But no pranks until after breakfast. I'm not a morning person."

Yi nodded, "No pranks from me and no pranks from you. I can't vouch for Pi or He, though."

"Fair enough."

Cue awkward moment. While Ji and Yi weren't exactly just "acquaintances", they weren't exactly best friends. "Allies" would probably be the best term, although "between allies and friends" would be better.

After a moment of silence, Yi asked, "What's with He and Lady Xiao Qiao?"

"Oh," Ji blushed almost unnoticeably. "Well, He's _obsessed_ with her—"

Yi rolled his eyes, "Obviously. And you're obviously going to help him with that, which means he's doing something for you in exchange. Care to elaborate on that?"

Ji eyed her new roommate suspiciously. "Not really. Why do you want to know?"

"I'm bored," Yi shrugged. "And He gets himself into some of the most amusing situations."

After a pause, Ji nodded. _It's not like he's involved at all, so he won't have any reason to mess it up_. "Fine. He and I are planning to break whatever relationship Xiao and Lord Zhou Yu have so that He will have more of a chance when he finally meets her."

"Are you sure it's not 'him'? I would think that Zhou Yu would be more He's type…"

Ji shook her head. "No, he's not. Lord Zhou Yu is _far _too sophisticated for He. And plus, Xiao reminds him of a butterfly, especially with her orange-white battle outfit and fans."

"I see…" Yi stretched. "And how is He supposed to meet Lady Xiao?"

Ji shrugged, "Da Qiao and Yue Ying both mentioned something about an inter-kingdom Prank War in their recent letters to me."

"Really?" Yi asked, interested in spite of himself. "That should prove…interesting. You are aware that Lady Xiao and Zhou Yu hate each other?"

Ji was offended. "My best girlfriend is Da Qiao! How could I _not _know? Besides, that only makes their relationship more dangerous." Ji shook her head, "Love-hate relationships have a huge tendency to work out, not to mention that they used to be completely attracted to each other until there was this huge fight. He and I aren't going to let them get back together. Especially since Lord Zhou Yu and the Sun brothers have joined the War."

Yi raised an eyebrow. "So what do _you_ get from all this?"

Ji turned away from him, clearly meaning to end the conversation. "I may not like Xiao for many reasons, but she's still a friend—"

"Really?" Yi asked, surprised.

"Yes, really," Ji answered, smiling slightly. "Ours is an odd friendship. We're so different that we can't help but admire each other. I'm ambitious; I took advantage of my beauty to raise my rank and station. Xiao's a beauty, too, but she honestly feels she would have been better off without it. After all, there would be no threat from Dong Zhuo or Cao Cao.

"She's also so…innocent and carefree. She's always looking at everything optimistically, and I can't help but wonder how she can, with the war and the attempted kidnappings. Likewise, she admires me because I can focus myself on reality and get what I want."

Yi, waiting for her to finish, realized that she had. "So what's your point? Somehow, I don't see ruining Lady Xiao's turbulent relationship with Zhou Yu as a very friendly action."

"Lord Zhou Yu is…cold." Ji's eyes were sad. "He doesn't give in to emotions very well and that annoys Xiao, who wants to enjoy life to its fullest. If she can't crack his ice barriers, then it could hurt her even worse than it did before. If that's the case, I want to know that she, at least, will have someone who cares for her and will take care of her no matter what."

Yi raised an eyebrow, "While that's all very touching, do you really expect me to believe you're in this for your friends?"

Ji bristled, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because, like you said, you're ambitious. You'd want something to gain from this as well, before risking your reputation. You _do _know that's what you're doing, right? Risking the reputation you've built up so far? After all, interfering with Lady Xiao and Zhou Yu's lives isn't going to fly well with Lord Sun Jian _or _Cao Cao."

Ji thought about it and relented. "Yes, I do know that, and fine, I _am _in this for something else. What's it to you?"

Yi smirked, "Nothing. I just wanted to know if you're after Zhou Yu for yourself."

Ji _almost _openly gaped at him. Almost. "Well, of all the—"

"Don't bother denying it," Yi interrupted her disinterestedly. "Zhou Yu could help you gain even _more _reputation. It would also be directly marrying into the family that possesses the Imperial Seal, as Zhou Yu and Sun Ce are sworn brothers."

Ji snapped her mouth shut and glared at him. "Whatever. I'm going to go change for bed." Giving his naked chest and long hair a disapproving look, she added, "And you'd better change to. You are _not _sleeping without any clothes on!"

"With you here?" Yi shuddered. "I'd rather die by Zhuge Liang's fan!"

Ji raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you really not hate him that much?"

Yi thought about it. "Never mind; I take that last statement back. I'd rather forfeit the Prank War."

Ji smirked, "You totally should. He and I are going to _kill _you and Pi!"

"Hmph, are you _challenging _me?" Yi asked her contemptuously.

"Of course! If we win…" Ji paused, searching her mind for a suitable punishment. "You have to dye your hair pink and Pi…has to tell his father that his life's ambition is to become a eunuch."

_Ouch. _Yi grinned evilly. _We better not lose then_. "And _when_ wewin, you have to…cut your hair ear-length and He has to proclaim his undying love for Xiahou Dun."

_Never_! Ji thought wrathfully. _Cut my _hair?! _As if! Yi must be _mad! "You've got yourself a bet!"

* * *

A/N: Btw, I just have to say I _loved _writing this chapter! That surprised me a bit, since Wei is really my least favorite kingdom b/c most of the characters seem older. For some reason, I work easier with Wu characters than Shu and Wei, and I thought I'd have a bit of trouble in this chapter. But I had _so _much fun writing this, it's unbelievable!

Also, I'm guessing this fanfic _will _have around 20 chapters total. You have the two beginning chapters (I should really combine them into one and make it a prologue…), 5 days per kingdom, and 1 epilogue per kingdom. When that's done (It will be, I promise! I'll never get tired of Dynasty Warriors), I'm hoping to make a sequel _about _the inter-kingdom Prank War that Ji mentioned. It'll give me a _huge _chance to spice up the relationships and _that_ should be interesting.

Also, here's the ending score for Wei Day 1:

Cao Pi: 2  
Sima Yi: 0

Zhang He: 1  
Zhen Ji: 1

Dracling Unicorn


	6. Day 2, Wu

A/N: WOOOT! Yes, a new chapter in about a bit more than a month! I feel SO good! Of course, this is summer, after all, and school's starting tomorrow. Drat. Ah well. Anyway, usualness stuff. You get a little more of the romance here (sadly, mostly Xun/Xiao/Yu, though. I promise the next Wu chapter's gonna have a huge thing for Ce/Da, though it's probably _not _what you're expecting…)

Also, apology on the diminishing of the pranks in Day 2. I reckon (lol, reading too much Harry Potter here, but I really can't think of a better word) teamwork stuff is gonna slow down a bit b/c of the pairings and stuffs.

Anyway, thanks to Anonymouse, HypernatedRikku, SC/DQ-, Amy, and Xx Lady Xiao xX for the wonderful reviews! If it was signed, I replied in an e-mail, if it wasn't, here are your replies!

Anonymouse: Nah, I can't have Zhang He _dying _on me…not yet anyways! Plus, He's a fast runner…and thanks for the review!

SC/DQ-: LoL, I had the most fun with He in that chapter. He's such a cool character, and he's so original! Thanks, and I hope you like this next chapter!

Amy: You already got yours via e-mail!

I also owe Chapter 4 reviewers a huge apology; I forgot the review replies! Anyway, here they are!

Maidengirl: No, Cai and He aren't going to be a couple in this, although Cai's little crush on He's going to be a bit of a problem for Ping and Chan…

Eni: LoL, you got it! Thanks for the review!

Justinian 14: The Shang Xiang/Lu Xun thing didn't come out as planned so don't worry about Ning. It's looking to be quite Shang Xiang/Ning in this story, although I'm not going to confirm that just yet ;-P

KisakiQueenie: Oooo…Zhuge Liang, Xiao Qiao, and Pang Tong…that's _very _interesting. Do you mind if I use that? I haven't decided the teams for the International Prank War (the sequel that I _know _I'll write…) yet, but I'd love to do that! Can I use it if I remember to cite you?

Amy: Again, you should have already got yours!

Nobodies can't become some bodies: Erm…right, we talked about this a while ago…

Disclaimer: The characters in this story were real people during the Three Kingdoms Period. Koei holds copyright over costumes, weapons, items, et cetera. It does NOT have a copyright on anything else because the horses were real, the characters were real, and the places were real. The plot belongs to me.

**Note**: Alright, so Chapter 6 has been officially edited (finally) so the entirety of this fic until the new Chapter 7 is done. My sincerest apologies for this loooong wait, but Chapter 7 is on its way. Previous readers (if any are left…) will note that a small section of this chapter has been edited out due to awkwardness of flow. It might reappear in later chapters, but that remains to be seen. And now…the new, and hopefully improved, Chapter 6!

**

* * *

Chapter 6: Day 2, Wu**

Xiao woke to scuttling noises around her room. Judging from her internal clock, it was perhaps an hour past sunrise, and she didn't want to open her eyes. For one, Xiao wasn't a morning person and she was quite sure that a few more hours of sleep would be very nice.

For the other, there were a lot of scuttling noises around her room. She didn't really mind rats and mice, but bugs were another thing. Xiao was an insectophobic, arachnophobic, and pretty much anything-bug phobic.

But surely no one would be _that _cruel. With a sinking feeling, Xiao opened her eyes cautiously.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Xiao's shriek could have woken the dead. Whimpering and near tears, she wrapped her blanket around her completely and cowered against her headboard, hoping that someone would get her out of her cockroach covered room _soon_.

Almost immediately after that, the door slid open. "Xiao, what—CE! Ce, _help_!" The door slammed shut again, most likely to prevent the bugs from fleeing the room and spreading all around the palace.

Unfortunately, the first one to arrive was Da, who wouldn't be able to do much except alert everyone and try to get help. The door slid open and closed again. Footsteps; someone was coming towards the bed.

"Xiao, are you okay?" That was Xunie. Xiao would have smiled if she hadn't been sobbing at that point. Of course he'd be the next to arrive. Her immediate room neighbors were Da and Xunie and Xunie was _always _around for help. A hand touched her shoulder. "I'm going to carry you out, alright? We can't kill them all, and we need to get you out of here."

Xiao sniffled, nodded and, reluctantly, moved away from her headboard. Immediately, strong arms wrapped around her and picked her up, blanket and all. The door slid open again, and Xiao was rushed out.

"Xiao?" Da uncovered her head as Ce got rid of the cockroaches on the blanket and the ones that had escaped from her room. "Are you okay?"

Xiao shook her head and clung to the nearest solid thing. In this case, it was Xunie. Da noted the young strategist's blush and hid a smile. The two would be cute together, although Da had originally been hoping that Yu and Xiao would make up. Now, however, the older Qiao wasn't so sure she wanted Yu _near _her little sister.

Da frowned. Xiao wasn't just afraid of bugs; she was downright scared to _death_. She'd tried curing Xiao of the fear and Xiao was completely willing to try…until it meant that she had to be able to touch bugs.

Xiao's phobia wasn't like anything that Da had read about; and Da read a _lot_. Her father, Lord Qiao Xuan, was a noted scholar, and had made sure that both his cherished daughters could read and write better than most nobles. So, it wasn't a surprise that Da's favorite place was the library.

Da sighed sadly. Xiao _hated_ being scared of bugs, and had done her best to try to cure herself. Nothing worked. Xiao couldn't look at a bug without flinching and if she wittingly touched one, she'd be in tears about it and, more often than not, have nightmares for a week afterwards.

And, honestly, Da admitted that she'd thought Yu above such things. He was so gentlemanly, she'd thought that Xiao and Yu could get married once they got over their war. Never had she thought Yu could do such a thing, and she was quite sure Yu _had _done it. After all, who else?

Shang Xiang was too close to Xiao to do something like that and Ning had always had a soft spot for the younger Qiao. Quan and Xiao respected each other for their different personalities, and Ce and Xiao were pretty good friends. Only Yu had a "hate" relationship with Xiao. It also didn't help that Yu was _fiercely_ competitive. _And hated sugar cane juice_, Da added mentally.

A hand on her shoulder shook Da out of her thoughts. She looked up at Ce and smiled slightly at him. "I need to go talk to Yu, alright?" she asked quietly. Turning to Xun, she told him, "Take care of her for me, ok? I need to have a _talk _with our 'teacher'."

Xun nodded and Da and Ce left. Glancing down at his best girl friend (Shang Xiang was closer to Ning and her brothers than to him), he smiled when he noticed she'd fallen asleep.

Sighing, he carried her to his room and set her down on the bed. However, as soon as she felt him moving away, Xiao opened an eye sleepily and pleaded softly, "Don't leave now, Xunie. Please?"

Looking down at his friend, Xun felt himself smile gently and nod. "Sure."

Quietly taking off his shoes, Xun lay down next to her and felt Xiao immediately snuggle against his arm. Unconsciously, his other arm wrapped around her and, before long, both were sound asleep.

* * *

Unbeknownst to them, Shang Xiang, Ning, Tong, Yu, and Quan were just outside the door, which was conveniently left open a sliver. "That's so _cute_!" Shang Xiang squealed quietly. "Make sure you're taking notes!" This last part was said to Quan, who rolled his eyes. 

The middle Sun sibling had been forced to attend the little spying session because Shang Xiang wanted to write a book about Xiao's love life. She figured it would be entertaining to write, twice as entertaining to read, and annoy Xiao to death.

Unfortunately for Quan, Shang Xiang hated taking notes and he wrote faster anyway. _Of course, _Quan thought sourly, _the _only _reason I exist is to serve my younger sister. At least, she thinks so, anyway._ Quan shook his head, despairing his fate as the middle and neglected child.

"Make sure you also take notes on Yu, ok?" Shang Xiang whispered in his ear, making him jump slightly.

Meanwhile, Tong watched Shang Xiang's reaction closely. Despite his expectations, the princess of Wu seemed to be unaffected by a possible relationship between Xiao and Xun. If anything, she was rather…gleeful. _Guess that means she _doesn't _like him after all,_ Tong puzzled.

Before Tong could observe the Sun siblings closer, however, Da showed up, wearing a disapproving scowl only reserved for…well…miscreants. And the group gathered around Xun's room door was certainly looking guilty enough to be classified as such.

"Leave them alone, you guys!" she scolded softly. "Let's go to Ce's room!"

Tong expected Shang Xiang to protest, but when she just sighed and followed the elder Qiao, Tong ushered everyone away. After all, his teammates needed a little "bonding time"…

* * *

Da closed the door quietly behind her and turned to glare at the Prank War Pranksters, minus Xiao and Xun. "Was it _necessary_ to spy on my little sister?" 

Shang Xiang, Ning, and Tong looked at each other and answered at the same time.

"Of course!"

"Absolutely!"

"Would we have been spying if it wasn't?"

Da glared at Shang Xiang, "Yes, you would have."

Shang Xiang grinned guiltily, "Alright, so maybe we would have and maybe it wasn't necessary, but you have to admit, that was _cute_!"

Da smiled dreamily, "It was." Both girls shared a Squee Moment and giggled.

"Seriously," Ning added, chuckling. "Who knew Little Xunie had a way with girls?"

"He doesn't," Yu replied flatly. "That's why no one knew."

Ce grinned evilly, "What, is Yu _jealous_?"

"Of course he is!" Tong answered before Yu could open his mouth. He winked, "Did you _see _the look on his face when Xunie set Xiao on his bed?"

"Quan has it in his notes!" Shang Xiang announced proudly. "Show them the notes you took!"

Quan, however, was looking at Tong skeptically. "Shang Xiang, it's _not _in my notes."

Shang Xiang's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Why _not_?"

"Because there _was _no look on his face!" Quan replied, annoyed.

"What are you talking about?" Shang Xiang wasn't exactly happy. "Of _course _there was a look on his face! He was completely, absolutely, positively, totally _jealous_!"

Ce shook his head. "I wasn't there, but I'm gonna vouch for Quan here. Yu can hide his emotions really well."

"The most you could _get _out of his expression was probably just discomfort from watching something that romantic," Quan said critically examining Yu's face. "I'm sorry, Shang Xiang, but there wasn't anything out of the ordinary there."

Shang Xiang huffed a "Fine!" but immediately brightened up. "I can't _wait _to interrogate Xiao about her feelings for Xun as soon as she wakes up!"

"Yes, that's another thing…" Da trailed off. Seeing her friends' curious glances, she shook her head and smiled. "Never mind. You guys go plan whatever pranks are running amok in your evil minds. I just need a quick word with Yu, ok?" She gave the strategist a very pointed look.

Shang Xiang and Ning traded glances, but when the pirate shrugged, both left. Tong followed, smirking. He could practically feel Mission: Shang Xiang and Ning working itself to completion. It was _great_ that the two were on the same team. A stroke of luck, really. Or fate. Or…something.

When Da gave Ce and Quan looks that said clearly, "Get out. I need to talk to Yu alone," Ce raised his eyebrows and said, "Whatever you need to say to Yu, you can say to us, you know. We _are _on the same team."

"It's not just about that," Da blushed. "It concerns Xiao, so, please…"

Ce took one look at Da's puppy dog face and felt his resolve melt into a puddle on the floor. "Aww…that face isn't _fair_, Da!" When Da just pouted even more, Ce sighed and pulled Quan out the door.

Da smiled, but, when she turned towards Yu, she felt it immediately disappear. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Yu's face was completely impassive.

"Why did you put ten thousand cockroaches into my little sister's room, knowing full well that she might have fainted from fright?"

His expression didn't change. "She's an enemy general in a war. If Lord Sun Jian found a weakness in the form of a phobia of a general, he'd still use it to his advantage."

Da took a deep, calming breath. "But this isn't a _real _war, Yu. I ask that you be more considerate when dealing with Xiao."

"Why should I? It's still a war."

Da was silent for a moment, preparing for what she was going to say next. "Because it's making Xiao hate you even more," she countered carefully.

"So?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Da asked, slightly irritated. "You know what I'm getting at!"

Yu raised an eyebrow. "No, I don't. Please, by all means, enlighten me."

Da sighed, "Look, just because Xiao hates you now, doesn't mean she always did."

"…I'm supposed to care about this?"

"Yes, you're supposed to care, and you _do _care!" Da glared at him. "Especially since I _know _you never hated Xiao, and you still don't! You're just _convincing_ yourself that you do, so you won't have to deal with your feelings!"

Yu's gaze was starting to unnerve her. Seriously, didn't the man need to blink? "If you think I have ever had any affectionate feelings for your sister," he answered coldly. "You are sadly mistaken. I apologize for anything that might have misled you to this assumption."

"You liar!" Da would have been mortified if she hadn't been so angry. "I know you liked Xiao when we first came here! _Every_one could tell! And I know she liked you, too!"

When Yu didn't answer, she continued, "You're just _scared_ because love is something you haven't _felt _before. Love requires giving up a bit of control to your partner, and you're so used to being in control, the feeling freaked you out. You tried to close yourself off from everyone, and, when Xiao confessed she had feelings for you, you pushed her away and told her not to live in daydreams!"

Yu still wasn't answering, so Da plowed on, this time pleading with him. "I _know_ Xiao doesn't really hate you. She's just using that to cover her hurt at you pushing her away like that. And I know _you _don't hate _her _either, don't bother denying it!" Da cut off Yu's attempt at interruption. "You're a coward, you know? Everyone says you're a brilliant strategist and a good warrior, but what would they say if they knew the great Lord Zhou Yu was afraid of opening his heart to an innocent girl?"

Yu was staring at her, bored and uninterested. "Are you finished? Because, clearly, you have no talent as a psychologist and you're wasting my time."

Da opened her mouth to retort and snapped it shut, ashamed. Ladies weren't supposed to lecture men! "I'm sorry," Da said, finally. "I didn't mean to offend you, but I'm just trying to help!"

"Well, the best way to help now is to just leave things alone," Yu answered, shrugging. "You have the event right; Xiao and I did have a little fight at the beginning of her stay, but I assure you that had nothing to do with our current hatred." He got up and turned to leave.

Just as he reached the door, Da's voice stopped him. "You know, I always thought that maybe you were the one Xiao was looking for. But after that little display, I'm not so sure it's _you_ anymore…"

Without a word, Yu slid the door shut behind him.

* * *

As soon as Yu was out the door, Ce grabbed him and dragged him back to Quan's room. "You idiot!" Ce scowled at him once they got there. "She was dead on and you lied to her!" 

"She was _not _dead on," Yu replied shortly. "I never _have _had any feelings for Xiao, nor is my aloof nature her doing."

"Lies," Quan answered bluntly. He looked out the window, watching the cherry blossoms in the garden outside. "You liked her when she first came here, period. Everyone could tell, and even _you _can't deny that."

It was Yu's turn to scowl. "Yes, I can. Alright, so maybe I felt a _little _attraction to her, but who wouldn't? She isn't famous for nothing!"

Ce closed his eyes. "She's right, Yu. You're scared. You're scared to _death_ but you won't admit it."

"I am _not_!"

"Yes, you are," Ce retorted. "Love is a feeling; one you can't control. That's why you're scared. You're always so used to being in _control_, so when Xiao came and you almost lost it, you got scared. That's why you closed yourself in, that's why you and Xiao had that giant argument, and _that's _why you try to hate her, but then find out you _can't_!"

Yu rolled his eyes, "What are you talking about, Ce? I _hate _her! None of you can deny that! I. Hate. Lady. Xiao. Qiao. Is that clear enough for you?"

Quan and Ce were silent. "Yeah, that's clear enough," Ce sighed disgustedly.

"Good!" Yu stormed towards the door and, just like before, was stopped by someone's voice.

"Well this at least solves _one _thing." Quan said thoughtfully. He'd been staring out the window since his last comment about Yu's lying and his eyes were still glued there.

Ce craned his neck over to see what had captured Quan's attention so well. His eyes widened as he too stared at the scene. "Whoa. What the…"

"Solves _what_?" Yu asked impatiently, albeit curiously. He started walking to the window.

Quan answered quietly, "Solves the problem of you being jealous if you see this."

Yu could only stare out the window and marvel at the amount of hurt he felt. All from the one simple kiss Xiao and Xun were sharing under a cherry blossom tree .

* * *

Lu Meng could hardly contain his shock when, while observing some plants and their effects as medicines, he found two of his students on a leisurely walk through the garden. Well, it wasn't so much the identities of the students or the fact that they weretaking a walk. It was more of the garden they were walking in. 

Garden Number 4 was the only garden that was rarely visited and usually only for study purposes or for privacy. The reason for this was that Garden Number 4 contained some of the plainer and less attractive plants and was only viewable from the window in Sun Quan's room.

Generally, the more aromatic and blossoming plants were in Gardens 1, 2, and 3, and that was where most garden visitors went. So, you can imagine Meng's surprise when his two pupils were just walking and chatting in Garden 4. Especially since it was quite obvious that their chatting wasn't about studies at all.

"Are you sure you're alright, Xiao?" That was Xun's voice. Meng quickly hid in the bamboo forest, which was conveniently close enough to allow him to both watch _and _eavesdrop.

Now that he could watch, he noticed that the two had stopped, and were seated on the elaborately carved stone bench, beneath the sole cherry blossom tree in Garden 4. It figured that the only bench would be beneath the only blossoming plant in the garden.

"I'm much better now!" Xiao smiled at her friend. "Thanks for your help, Xunie. I mean it!"

Xun shook his head and looked at her knowingly. "Any time. But you avoided my question; are you ok?"

Xiao's smile faded and she stared at her knees. "I just _hate _being scared of them, Xunie! I've tried to not be; you _know _that! But I'm still afraid and people are always making fun of me for it!" She bit her lip. "Da tried helping me too, but it doesn't work. I can't even look at _pictures_. I've fought in battles and bandaged wounds; I've seen dead bodies, and I've killed people, but it doesn't matter because I'm still a little girl who's scared of tiny little _bugs_!"

A tear trickled down her and, soon, others followed. "Sometimes, when nobles visit, their daughters come up to me and say, 'You're a hero! You fight to try to make peace in the land and you're always putting yourself in danger to help your family and friends! I want to be just like you when I grow up!' And then I think that if they knew I was afraid of bugs, they wouldn't say that. They'd call me a wimp, a scaredy-cat, a coward, and it's not _fair_!"

Before he knew it, Xun was hugging her, letting her cry into his shoulder. "It's alright, Xiao." Xun told her firmly. "Everyone's afraid of something! Even Ning!"

"How do you know that?" Xiao asked, sniffling. "He used to be a _pirate_!Pirates aren't scared of _anything_!"

"That's not true," Xun chuckled. When Xiao looked at him questioningly, he continued, "Let's just say that Ning doesn't eat the pickled jellyfish or calamari that's usually part of banquets. He also avoids the octopi that Lord Sun Jian imports from Japan."

Xiao giggled, "That's funny! I'd never think he'd be afraid of _sea_ animals." She looked at him. "What are _you _afraid of, Xunie?"

Xun was sorely tempted to lie. After all, what self-respecting warrior would be afraid of the _dark_? And, like Xiao, he was worried about how others would think of him if they knew. However, one look at his friend's face, and he found himself answering ruefully, "The dark."

"No way!"

"Yeah. I'm scared of the dark."

He expected her to laugh, and maybe say he was silly for having such a childish fear. He wasn't expecting her to hug him and say quietly, "Thanks, Xunie. You always make me feel better."

"Any time," he answered softly. He lifted her chin up so he could look into her eyes and said, "Just don't _ever _think that you're a coward because you're afraid of bugs, ok? There's nothing wrong with being afraid."

"Okay." Xiao was drowning in the gold of his eyes. _So warm…_she sighed…_so wonderful…so…_safe.

For a moment, they were frozen, staring at each other. Then he was kissing her, and she was kissing him back.

Unnoticed by either of them, Meng gathered his notes and equipment, and silently crept back into the palace.

* * *

Lady Wu observed the Prank War Pranksters over breakfast under lowered lashes and fought to hide a smirk. Word traveled fast in the palace and Lady Wu already knew the cause of Yu's pale face, Xun and Xiao's traded smiles, Da's soft glance, and Shang Xiang, Ning, and Tong's smirks. 

_Poor, poor Yu_, Lady Wu thought, smiling secretly into her teacup. She spared a glance at Ce who, for once, had been on time for breakfast. It was strange that he hadn't proposed to Da, yet. They'd been courting for quite some time, and it was common knowledge that both her husband and Lord Qiao were hoping for a marriage. Lady Wu was positive that Da herself was hoping for it soon.

Unfortunately for her, Lady Wu was starting to think that Ce might have commitment issues. Men! There were definitely times when Lady Wu thought that Zhu Rong had the right idea about them.

Starting on her onion pancakes, Lady Wu made a mental note to give her maids a raise. If information was power, then Lady Wu was determined to be empress in more ways than one.

* * *

Tong smirked viciously. He'd called a team meeting as soon as breakfast was over since, thankfully, no pranks other than the cockroach prank had been performed yet. Tong wanted the next prank to be _his _team'sinstead of, say, Ning's or Ce's, or any of the other Pranksters. 

Speaking of Ce, the heir was unusually quiet today. If that was because of Da, then he was more smitten than Tong had previously thought possible. If that was because Yu was glaring at his breakfast as though _it _was the cause of his displeasure, then Tong really didn't know what to say. Ce and Yu were unbelievably close; way past the point where either would die for the other.

In fact, Tong was willing to bet that if Ce couldn't marry Da without Yu marrying Xiao, then Yu would do it, for Ce's sake. And that was certainly a _very _interesting idea…

Moving his gaze to the strategist, Tong's smirk disappeared. Mission: Xiao and Yu was going _very _badly indeed. Perhaps he should change it to Mission: Xiao and Xun. _That _was much more probable, especially given that Xun was Xiao's best boy friend and vice versa.

And with the events of this morning…well, who _knows_ what happened in the garden? Tong had heard about The Kiss from Quan after Yu had stormed out of the room with Ce following. _That _had been very unpleasant.

_Flashback_

Tong was looking for Xiao and Xun, both of whom had disappeared from Xun's room. Fortunately, he could always rely on Tong's Set of Rules for Hide and Seek to find anyone in Wu.

Usually, to find Xiao, one looked for Shang Xiang, Xun, or Da. To find Xun, one usually asked Ning, Xiao, or Tong himself.

Shang Xiang and Ning were in Ning's room "planning a prank" and laughing themselves silly over the new turn of events, so Tong decided to leave them alone. Mission: Shang Xiang and Ning was turning out rather well, fortunately. Tong didn't know if he could handle all the Missions if they were all as obstinate as Mission: Xiao and Yu.

Anyway, back in search of Xiao and Xun. At this point, Tong doubted he could find Xun; Ning was occupied with Shang Xiang and Tong didn't know where he was. And the only way to find Xiao was to look for Da since Shang Xiang was occupied with Ning and you couldn't find Xun without Xiao and you couldn't find Xiao without Xun.

Sighing, Tong knocked on Da's door. No answer. Figuring that she might still be in Ce's room talking to Yu, Tong headed to the door opposite Da's. Nobody there. Tong rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. He absolutely _hated_ treasure hunts as a child and he didn't particularly like the people version of it too much. Well, to find Da, you looked for Ce or Xiao. Xiao being the _original_ subject of his search (along with Xun), Tong could only search for Ce.

And Ce, not being in his room, was either in Yu's or Quan's. Since Yu's was across from Xun's and all the way back down the hall (Xun's room was next to Xiao's whose room was next to Da's whose room was across from Ce's whose room was next to Quan's whose room was next to Yu's whose room was across from Xun's), Tong tried Quan's room first.

As luck would have it, just as Tong raised his hand to knock, the door slammed open. Tong jumped and flung himself out of the way, just in time to miss getting trampled by Yu in a very, _very_ bad mood. Oh dear.

Before Tong could gather his wits, Ce dashed out and almost knocked him over. Luckily for him, Ce wasn't as oblivious to the world as the anger-blinded Yu. After a quick apology, Ce dashed off again and Tong apprehensively entered Quan's room. After all, an explanation _before_ rushing after Ce in order to find Da in order to find Xiao and Xun would be nice.

"What was _that_?" Tong asked Quan. The Sun in question was staring out the window with a smile that was half _a_mused and half _be_mused. He gestured for Tong to come see.

Tong walked over and peered out the window, seeing the backs of Xiao and Xun as they left the garden. "What about it?"

Quan said quietly, "They were kissing under the cherry blossom a minute ago."

"Oh." Tong's eyes widened. "OH! So _that's_ why Yu almost ran me over!"

"Yep," Quan replied. "Ce rushed after him and I'd guess they're talking it over now."

Tong closed his eyes thoughtfully for a minute, and then snapped them open again. "Wait. I need to talk to Ce!"

"Why?"

"I'm looking for…"Tong trailed off. "Never mind. I just found them. I gotta run! Thanks, Quan!"

_End Flashback_

Sneaking another peek at Yu, Tong concluded that he was jealous. Either that or he was mad over how the scholarly Garden 4 was being misused as a private meeting place for couples. You never knew with strategists…

He sighed, wondering who Xiao should be paired with. She and Xun were best friends, but her relationship with Yu could be described as love/hate. Ultimately, it depended on Xiao, which was what made it complicated. Fortunately, one didn't have to look far to find Xiao's preference.

To find something out about a Qiao, just ask the other. Tong grinned. He and Da needed to have a little chat. With luck, the elder Qiao would be willing to help solve Xiao's complicated love life.

* * *

Xiao sighed happily, watching the clouds roll by. It was partly sunny, partly cloudy, just the right temperature, and the grass was perfectly soft for lying on. Her two teammates were sprawled beside her and the Prank War was in its second day. Perfection. 

"What's our next prank?" Xun asked conversationally.

Xiao grinned evilly, thankful her sister wasn't here to see it. "I've got one, actually. It might take a while to get it ready, but I honestly think it'll be worth it."

"So… care to share this big idea?" Tong asked interestedly. "Or do you want us to just keep Yu away from his rooms for a while?"

Xun chuckled, "Didn't even need to ask to know the prank's for Yu, huh?"

"Kinda obvious, really…"

Xiao giggled, "I know. But please, just keep him away from his room and his study for about an hour."

"And I don't suppose you're going to tell us what the prank is?" Tong asked hopefully.

Xiao shook her head and Xun answered for her. "No such luck."

* * *

"Hey, Yu!" 

Yu turned around. "Hello Xun. Can I help you?"

Xun caught up with him. "Yeah. Could you help me with this?" He held up a scroll. "I don't understand Master Sun Tzu in one of the passages."

"Really?" Yu asked, surprised. "You've never had trouble with The Art of War before. Which passage?"

"Well, it's in chapter Fire Attack and…"

Yu felt himself involuntarily zoning out. Xiao and Xun. Together. Not possible. No way, that was _not _possible. They were best friends! Them, together just…wasn't…_right_. He shook his head, mentally berating himself. Strategist Rule #107: _Never _get distracted. You never know when you're missing something important.

"Yu, are you alright?" Xun was looking at him concernedly. "You seem a bit dazed."

Yu shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Sorry, Xun. I'm just a bit distracted right now. Could you ask Meng for help? I need to go clear my head."

Xun nodded sympathetically. "Meditation?"

"Yeah. If anyone asks, I'm not in Garden 4 hidden in a curtain of weeping willow branches."

"Of course," Xun answered. "I hope you feel better!"

Yu waved him off, "Thanks. See you later." Without waiting for an answer, Yu walked determinedly to Garden 4.

Xun watched him go pensively. It _would _be a good idea to follow him and make sure he didn't go to his room. On the other hand, it'd be sorta hard to follow him without arousing suspicion. Although, really, Yu hadn't looked like he'd been able to do anything _but _sit and sort out his thoughts.

After thinking for a minute, Xun went to find Tong and Xiao.

* * *

Shang Xiang squealed for what Ning thought was the hundred and sixty-second time. Sure, Xun actually getting a kiss _romantically _was actually quite funny, but this was going a bit far. 

"But, _wow_ Xiao and Xun! I can't _believe _it!" Shang Xiang squealed again. One hundred and sixty three. "I need to talk to Da! I need to talk to Xiao! I need to talk to Tong! I need to talk to Ce about Yu! And, oh my gosh, someone needs to tell Lord Qiao! And mmph!—"

Ning waited until her muffled speech stopped before removing his hand. "You know, we kinda need to start planning our pranks. We've spent the entire morning spying on Xiao and Xun, laughing at their expense, and plotting matchmaking schemes. We're behind Ce's team and the entire morning's gone! We've got ten minutes 'til lunch and there's _no way _I'm missing lunch!"

Shang Xiang glared at him and huffed. "Fine. We'll think on pranks during lunch and exchange brief notes before training/sparring time. After washing up, meet in my room to discuss."

Ning jumped up and saluted, "Yes milady, Commander!" He paused, confused. "Hey, wait, I'm the captain here!"

Shang Xiang just smiled sweetly. "So?"

* * *

For once, Quan wasn't reading. No, instead he'd opted to plan his team's next prank. After all, _someone_ needed to do it; Yu was brewing storm clouds and Ce was talking to Da and Tong for some reason. Oh, Quan could _definitely _guess _why_, but he wasn't about to get involved. 

That was why he was currently walking towards the clearing in the center of the bamboo forest. It was a nice, peaceful place and was one of the two places that was usually visited in Garden 4 (the other place was the bench under the cherry blossom).

So, it really wasn't much of a surprise when Quan found Yu meditating in the center of the clearing (which, if one thought about it, was the exact center of the bamboo forest…). Hmm…Garden 4 was becoming unusually popular. Well, Yu wouldn't bother him; the steady breathing and closed eyes told Quan that much. He sighed and sat behind Yu. Time for some serious planning…

SPLAT! SPLAT! Quan was jolted out of his thoughts by an egg that had broken against its head. Judging from the previous "splat", Yu had suffered the same fate. Above him, he could hear Shang Xiang and Ning laughing and hustling down the trees, hitting the ground and taking off in order to escape Yu's wrath.

Yu sighed and got to his feet. "C'mon, Quan, let's go clean up. Then we need to argue our case that it was only one prank and not two."

"What?" Quan rose, too, and tried his best to wipe the yolk out of his eyes.

Yu was determinedly trying to salvage his loose casual robes. "That was one prank and not two. There were two victims, but the prank itself was the same one. That is _not _two different pranks!"

"You know," Quan said thoughtfully. "I think that may have given me an idea…"

"Good one or bad one?" Yu asked, smiling slightly.

Quan grinned, "That depends whose point of view it is. C'mon, we need to go find Ce and plan a prank."

* * *

"You can't be serious!" Ce looked at Tong and Da disbelievingly. "Xun and Xiao? Get _married_? As in, _for life_?" 

Tong rolled his eyes and grinned. "That's usually how long marriages last, Ce."

"That's not the point!" Ce persisted. "Why Xun? Why not Yu? I mean, he likes her too! And Xiao liked him first!"

Da sighed, "I don't know. Xun seems to be able to make her happy, and if she's happy, then I have no objection."

"Well, you don't know that Yu doesn't make her happy!"

Cue long awkward silence. Ce squirmed a little as Tong and Da stared at him. "Ce," Tong said slowly. "Think about what you just said."

It was Ce's turn to sigh. "Alright, so she hates him, and he's in severe denial. But still, love overcomes all obstacles, right?"

"There'd have to be a spark of love first," Da replied. "And somehow, I can't see the two of them in love after the prank Yu pulled this morning."

"Give him a chance! It would have been a good prank on anyone else!"

"But it _wasn't _anyone else!" Da retorted firmly. "It was Xiao, it was _not _funny, and—"

"And Lady Huang Yue Ying and Lord Jiang Wei of Shu did the exact same thing, except to their _ruler_," Tong cut her off. He'd decided to do his best to stay neutral in the argument.

It figured that when he asked Da for advice on Xiao, Ce would immediately be suspicious. Everyone knew that Da and his family were Ce's only weaknesses, and it was reasonable that Ce would be wary of a member from another team talking in whispers to Da.

Fortunately, that worked well for him; Ce was obstinately proposing setting Yu and Xiao up, while Da was favoring Xun. Understandably, seeing as Yu had probably emotionally scarred Xiao for life this morning. Tong also couldn't argue that Yu deserved it. It was, after all, _his _prank that had actually gotten Xiao and Xun together.

On the other hand, Yu and Xiao had a "history" of sorts. They'd been close friends when the Qiao's first arrived in the palace. That had all changed when Yu started noticing changes in his feelings for Xiao, and, when Xiao admitted she'd had those feelings for a long time, Yu panicked. One fight led to another and, when all the dust had settled, Xiao claimed she hated Yu for being an arrogant prat, and Yu claimed he hated Xiao because of her naive personality.

Tong rubbed his hand. What a _mess_. The only bright side was that, with Da and Ce _both _onboard, he'd get both pros and cons for both Xiao/Xun and Xiao/Yu. And if he managed to _finally_ get Ce to propose to Da, well, that was just an added bonus.

Oh, sure, marriages were supposed to be conducted by the parents. That was definitely true. Luckily, Lord Sun Jian and Lord Qiao both doted upon their children. When Da and Xiao had vehemently protested marrying Mr. Moo Moo (and living in his supposed harem) when he brought up the issue, Lord Qiao had agreed to stall for time. Time for Da and Xiao to find husbands they _wanted _to marry.

Unfortunately, that time was growing very short. It was widely accepted by everyone in Wu that Da and Ce would get married. The problem was that Ce just didn't want to get married yet. A wife would mean obligations, less freedom, and more responsibilities, as well as the pressure of having children. And Lord Sun Jian, being the kind father that he was, wouldn't start arranging the marriage until Ce was ready and had accepted the concept of getting married.

And _that _was why Tong had to get Ce to willingly and wittingly propose to Da. Easier said than done, of course. But then, weren't _most _things?

"—and Tong, are you _listening_!?"

Tong shook himself out of his thoughts. "Yes, of course!"

Ce was unconvinced. "Great, so mind telling us who _you _think would be Xiao's perfect match?"

Tong blinked. "How should I know? I'm not her sister! I'm not _anybody's _sister!"

"I'm not too sure about that," Ce smirked.

Tong was about to retort when Da cut in. "Please, you two! Let's get _back _on subject!"

"I still say give Yu a chance. He's scared of love, but if he can get over it, he and Xiao will be absolutely _perfect_!" Ce persisted. "Just give him a chance, Da!"

Da thought about it. True, Yu and Xiao had a chance, but after today… "Fine. He gets one last chance. If he does _anything_ to harm Xiao again, I'll oppose it completely."

"What can _you_ do about it?" Tong asked, clearly not believing she could influence Xiao's love life beyond Xiao's opinion. "Tell your father?"

Da's smile was absolutely demonic. "That and tell _his _father," she pointed to Ce.

"What's _that _got to do with anything?" Tong was still puzzled.

Ce, however, stared at her, clearly impressed. "Da, that's evil. You _know _how Father is about treating ladies!"

"_Exactly_."

_Oh_, Tong remembered. _That._ Tong shuddered. "Ce's right; that _is _evil. Who knew you had it in you, Da?"

Da's answer was immediate. "No one but Xiao."

"Well, of course _she'd _know. I just wonder that she didn't tell me _before _we got involved…" Ce chuckled.

"Maybe she wants you dead," Tong offered helpfully.

Ce laughed at that, "Now _there's _a cheerful thought."

"What's a cheerful thought?" asked a curious voice from the door.

Ce, Da, and Tong took one look at the two people who'd just walked in and started laughing. Hey, it wasn't every day Yu and Quan walked in covered in eggshells and goo.

Yu glared at Quan. "I _told _you we should have changed first!" He glanced down at his ruined robes. "No one's going to take us seriously when we're covered in eggshells, much less Ce! He's got the attention span of a five-year-old!"

"No," Da replied through fits of laughter. "It's a two-year-old. Ce's got the attention span of a two-year-old."

Quan ignored both of them, "Da, Tong, we need to talk to Ce privately. Would you mind finishing your talk later?"

"Actually, we're done," Tong nodded at Ce and Da.

"We are?" Ce asked, surprised. "We haven't even decided what to do yet!"

Tong shrugged, "Watch and wait. What else _is _there to do? Say, Da, have you seen Xun and Xiao lately? I think they've had enough bonding time."

Yu rolled his eyes. "Any _more _'bonding time' and we're going to have little baby Xun's and Xiao's running around," he huffed, annoyed.

Da glared at him before asking Ce and Tong, "Can _that _be his last chance?"

"No!" Ce protested. "It's just him in a bad mood! Yu's not _used _to being laughed at!"

If Da had been Xiao, she probably would have snorted. "He'd better _get _used to it if he wants that chance!"

"Let's go, Da," Tong cut in hastily. Stupid people, blathering about private talks! If Yu found out what they were planning, the best Tong could hope for was a fast and painless death. And even that wasn't likely; Yu didn't tend to be merciful without good reason. "I'm sure Yu and Quan have a _lot _to talk about with Ce."

With that, Tong dragged Da out the door while mentally noting _never _to mention Xun and Xiao around Yu. Stupid denial and jealousy and hatred and ugh…

Back in Ce's room, Yu shut the door behind Da and Tong.

"Man, you are _so _jealous!" Ce smirked smugly.

Yu decided to ignore such an outrageous comment. "What was _that _about?"

Ce shrugged, "You know Da. She's usually calm and all, but when it's about her sister, she's like a mother tiger!"

"I know _that_," Yu rolled his eyes. "You forgot the lecture she gave me this morning before breakfast. I meant, what was with all that secret talk?"

"Nothing," Ce said vaguely. "So, what's so important that you couldn't change before coming to see me?"

It was Yu's turn to shrug. "Quan has an idea and insisted it couldn't wait or he'd lose it."

Ce laughed, "I see. Well, spit it out so you two can go change. If anyone else sees you like that, I don't think you'll _ever _live it down!"

* * *

Mission: Find Xiao and Xun in progress. Tong sighed. Why was _he _always looking for _them_? Recounting back, after Xiao had ordered him and Xun to preoccupy Yu, she'd slipped off to find some "stuff". When Xun volunteered to distract Yu, Tong had mentioned some unfinished "business". 

That was how Tong had had time to find Da, who'd been discussing Yu with Ce. Anyway, the point was, if Xiao had finished the prank, she should have gone looking for him and Xun. _Not _the other way around. And if she _hadn't _finished, well, she and Xun should _both _be working on the prank in Yu's room.

Tong braced himself and opened Yu's door…

To find absolutely nothing wrong with it. No Xiao or Xun in sight, no strange discolorations, no upended furniture. No nothing!

So much for a prank. That didn't make sense. If Xiao wanted Yu away from his rooms, then that meant there _was _a prank. But if there wasn't anything _wrong_,then…

And so much for finding Xun and Xiao. Honestly, it wasn't easy being Tong…Now, where to find Xiao and Xun? _That_ was the question. And a very good question it was.

He'd asked Da if she knew were the two were before sending her off to spy on Shang Xiang and Ning. Obviously, she didn't know or Tong wouldn't be wandering around like this. Perhaps Garden 4…

* * *

"Xiao, are you absolutely _sure _about this?" Xun was more than a little nervous. 

Xiao giggled. "Of course, silly! Would I have dragged you into this if I wasn't?"

Xun's answer was immediate. "Yes." Xiao had broken more than one leg climbing up a tree before, and Xun didn't want the next one to be his.

"Aww…c'mon, Xunie!" Xiao pouted adorably. "Half the fun of eating a peach is climbing the tree! And plus, falling off is just like jumping off a castle wall! We've _all_ jumped off castle walls before!"

"While anchored with _ropes_, Xiao! To jump _without _one is called _suicide_."

"Well, this peach tree isn't as tall as a castle wall, anyway," Xiao shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Xun looked at her incredulously. "A broken limb that would mean you can't participate in the Prank War anymore? A concussion that makes you forget who you are? A broken neck that means you're paralyzed forever or dead?"

"Fine," Xiao sighed. "I give up."

He blinked, surprised. "So you're not going to climb up that tree?" he asked hopefully.

Xiao laughed and started up the tree. "No way! _I'll _climb up the tree, _you'll _get a basket, I'll pick some peaches, and we can go eat them under the Great Oak Tree!"

"But you might _fall_!" Xun protested. "At least get a rope or something!"

"Don't worry about me, Xunie! Just go get a basket we can use!" When Xun hesitated, she sighed exasperatedly. "I've been climbing trees since forever, Xunie. Don't worry! And besides, if I don't have a basket, I'll have to hold the peaches in my hand while I get down. _That _will make me fall off!"

Xun gave up. When it came to her favorite fruit, Xiao was as stubborn as a mule. With a mental sigh, he took off towards the kitchen.

Xiao watched her friend run off with a smile. It was really cute how he worried about her. _Just like Yu used to_…Xiao shook herself before the familiar emotions could swamp her. _What's past is past; the only thing to do is look forward and be strong_. Determinedly, Xiao climbed a bit higher, up into the thick branches heavy with peaches.

Usually, peaches ripened around August, but each kingdom's palace had a single fruit tree that gave ripe fruit all year. Yes, impossible normally, but with Zuo Ci, nothing was impossible. Besides, warriors needed Vitamin C year round, right? It's not like one's body didn't need Vitamin C just because it was winter.

Whatever the reason, suffice to say that Wu's fruit tree was the tall peach tree Xiao was perched on. However, as she got to her favorite, branch, Xiao noticed she wasn't the _only _one perched on it.

"Hello! Who're you?" Xiao asked curiously.

The monkey (was it a monkey? Xiao thought so, but then, it was about as big as a squirrel. The face looked like a monkey face, and the tail was long and not particularly bushy) stared at her with large eyes.

(A/N: Btw, this is an inspiration from another picture from the same website I found the butterfly pic on. This one's in the same place except under Xiao Qiao art from the Dynasty Warriors 5 Artbook)

Xiao watched it stare at her. It was holding a large peach and seemed to be quite young. There wasn't a collar, though, so she wasn't sure if it was a pet. It _did _seem odd that a baby monkey would be so close to civilization…

Then, without warning, the monkey dropped the peach and lunged at her. Startled, Xiao backed away and lost her balance. Stifling a shriek of surprise, she felt herself start to fall.

* * *

"Hey, Da!" 

Da started and looked up from the book she'd been immersed in. Yeah, so she was supposed to be spying on Ning and Shang Xiang, but she couldn't find them. When she'd decided to check the library to see if they were hiding among the bookshelves, a book caught her eye and, well, she'd been there ever since.

"Whatcha reading?" Ce asked innocently. His meeting with Quan and Yu had ended rather quickly when Quan had told them his plan. It was a simple enough prank, but funny, especially when Ce imagined the looks on the victims' faces. After a quick run through of the plan, the three had departed; Yu went to take a walk, Quan started implementing the plan, and Ce had come to find Da.

Da held up her book. "It's a romance novel," she said sheepishly. "Not, you know, _deep _romance, but it's about a girl and a boy on an adventure. On the way, the girl finds out the boy's a prince, but they still love each other."

"Oh, that's interesting," Ce replied. "But I think you've been here long enough. Wanna go for a walk?"

"Of course," Da smiled, blushing.

Ce grinned, "Let's go!"

* * *

When Yu sensed someone above him, his reaction was the one drilled into his mind and muscles through hours of training. With no time to look up, he grabbed whoever was attempting to air-attack him and slammed him/her onto the ground, making sure to pin both of the attacker's arms and legs beneath him. It was only after the dust settled that he got a good look at his attacker. 

"_Xiao_?!" he asked, shock reverting him back to the times when he'd always had to get her out of trouble. "What…what were you _doing_?"

His student was shaken, that much he could tell. She was breathing heavily and still slightly dazed. "Xiao, are you alright?"

"Fine," she gasped. She looked up at him, "What happened?"

The situation was a forceful reminder of their friendship before the big fight. Yu found himself grinning crookedly, remembering how he'd first met the odd person he'd just counterattacked. "Shouldn't _I _be asking that? _You're_ the one who air-attacked _me_."

"What?" Xiao asked incredulously. "I fell out of the peach tree! I wasn't _attacking _you!"

"Oh…" Yu blinked. _That makes sense_. "I suppose that's possible."

Xiao looked at him exasperatedly. "Of course it's possible! It _happened_!" Under her breath, she muttered, amused, "Talk about _paranoid_…"

It was one of their oldest 'arguments'. 'Back in the day' when the two were good friends, Xiao would always make fun of him being paranoid and he'd always deny it. For some reason, Yu decided to play along. "_Paranoid_?" he asked mock-indignantly. "I'm not _paranoid_! I'm simply…aware of all possibilities!"

"And it didn't occur to you that someone could have fallen out of a tree?" Xiao laughed at him.

"Well, better safe than sorry," Yu retorted teasingly. "Besides, only you and Shang Xiang climb trees nowadays, and neither of you fall often."

Xiao shrugged, "Of course not." That was when she remembered the monkey. "Hey, do you know if anyone has a young pet monkey?"

Yu raised an eyebrow, "Lord Qin used to have one a year ago. A rhesus monkey, from the rainforest. Apparently, it cost a fortune, so you can imagine how mad he was when he lost it here. We thought it'd escaped, but that didn't stop him from turning the palace upside down and inside out looking for it."

Xiao laughed weakly, "Well, I think I found it."

"What are you talking about?"

She took a deep breath. "Well, I was climbing the tree to get some peaches and when I got to my favorite branch, this baby monkey was there holding a peach!"

"What did it look like?"

"Erm…red-brown, with a tail about a foot long. It was definitely a baby one, since it was about the size of a squirrel. Black eyes and head was red-brown too."

Yu thought about it, the teacher part of him taking over. "It sounds like a rhesus monkey. If it was, I'm not surprised it was in the peach tree; although rhesus monkeys eat almost anything, they will eat fruit…" he trailed off when he noticed Xiao was looking at him strangely. "What?"

"Yu," she asked plaintively. "Why are you on top of me?"

"Now that's a _very_ good question, Xiao!" Ce's voice said from somewhere beside him. When Yu turned to glare at him and Da, Ce smirked and continued, "Unless you two were talking about something _else_, something _much _more interesting than monkeys."

Yu didn't even attempt to control his blush as he hastily got off of Xiao. After helping her up and smoothing his robes, he looked around, noting that Xun and Tong had been watching as well, both with odd looks on their faces. "We were most _definitely_ talking about monkeys," Yu glared at Ce.

"Right," Tong smirked. "Monkey _breeding habits_. We understand."

Yu scowled, but mentally noted the strangeness of the atmosphere. Ce looked mischievously delighted, and Da was watching him closely, scrutinizing his every move.

Tong seemed normal enough but, oddly, Xun didn't hit him for the comment. Usually, he would do so, blushing at the insinuation.

Sure, Yu admitted it looked suspicious, but Xun couldn't _possibly _believe that he would take advantage of Xiao like that. Even Ce and Tong knew it was an accident. "No, actually. Xiao said she found Lord Qin's missing monkey, and I believe she may be right." _That it, when in doubt, change the subject. Covertly._

"Really?" Ce asked, surprised. "But it escaped a year ago! There's no way it'd still be around…"

"What's that?" Xun cut in suddenly. He was staring at something at Xiao's feet.

Da was looking at it, too. "I think that's the monkey."

"Interesting…" Yu knelt down to look at it. It was indeed a rhesus monkey, although whether or not it was Lord Qin's was anybody's guess. He looked up at Xiao, "You said it was in the peach tree?"

Xiao nodded, "It was holding a peach too." She knelt down to join him while Ce, Da, Tong, and Xun crowded around.

Suddenly, Xiao found herself tackled and hugged by a hysterical Shang Xiang. "_I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!_" The princess wiped an imaginary tear from her eyes. "It's _happened_! _**You're going to get married**_!"

The impact was tremendous. Da and Xiao blanched, looking more like ghosts than human girls, and traded looks of despair. Tong gaped at the collapse of his hard work and planning while Xun, Yu, and Ce did their best to swallow their shock.

"Wh…what are you _talking _about, Shang Xiang?" Xiao asked shakily. _Please say it's not true, please say it's a really, _really _cruel joke._

"Did he already propose?" Da added, more composed but still white as a sheet.

Shang Xiang looked at them both strangely. "Of course!" She waved a hand, oblivious to Da's swaying or Xiao's tear-filled eyes. "Didn't he just _do so_ right _in front of you_?"

Something wasn't right. Yu's mind was working at top speed. Xiao was getting married? And what did Shang Xiang mean "right in front of you"? Suspicious, he asked, "What are you talking about, Shang Xiang?"

Shang Xiang looked at him incredulously and said slowly, "You just proposed to Xiao. You and Xiao," she made some hand motions as though speaking to a young child, "are going to get _married_. Then you two are going to have hot sex and make lots of babies."

Silence. Complete and total silence, besides a few cricket chirps. Then…

"You have _got _to be kidding," Tong doubled over laughing while Da and Xiao glared at him. Shuddering, Xiao grabbed the monkey and cuddled it in her arms, feeling someone else's arms wrap around her. She glanced up shyly, verifying that it was indeed Xunie, and snuggled against him.

Shang Xiang's "news" had given her quite a scare, Xun noted. Unbidden tears trickled down her face from closed eyes and she'd unconsciously started to shiver. Da wasn't fairing much better; she'd almost fainted when Shang Xiang had said Xiao was getting married. Now that everything as clearing up, she was holding onto Ce for dear life.

Tong, Xun noted, was also observing the scene subtly. _I wonder what _that's _about…_

As Yu explained things to the confused and embarrassed Shang Xiang, Tong contemplated the spectacle. Da and Ce were hugging, Xiao and Xun were hugging, Xiao was holding the monkey, and Yu was explaining things to Shang Xiang and Ning.

Apparently, the team of two had been watching from far off and noticed Yu kneel down and Xiao nod. It was, in all fairness, a very understandable mistake.

Ning? Oh yes, Ning had followed Shang Xiang when she'd rushed to hug Xiao, but he'd held back, watching and laughing. Jerk. And, as Tong surveyed the place once more, he couldn't help thinking, once again, _what a __**mess**_.

* * *

Dinner that night was a quiet affair, with food for thought as well as body being processed. Tong's mind was whirring 120 miles per hour, anyway. Yu had called Xiao "Xiao" instead of "Lady Xiao Qiao" or "Lady Qiao" when they'd been having that monkey discussion. Tong had heard them, clear as day, and from the looks on Ce and Da's faces, they'd heard, too. 

Of course, it wasn't a coincidence that Tong, Ce, and Da had wound up at the same place. Tong had decided finding Xun and Xiao could wait and spying on Ce and Da would be _much _more productive.

It had been, but not in the way he'd hoped. There was still no sign of a proposal from Ce and the scene with Shang Xiang had painted a stark picture of how desperate Da and Xiao's situation was.

Not pretty. Although honestly, the Yu/Xiao thing had been rather nice. Tong could only hope that the two were friends again, for some reason. It wasn't likely, but it was possible…

* * *

After dinner, Yu was researching in his room when a knock on the door woke him from his stupor. "Come in." 

The door slid open and Xiao walked in, closing the door behind her. "Lord Zhou Yu, may I talk with you for a moment?"

"I suppose so," Yu wasn't surprised to see her. He already knew what questions she had, having asked himself the same ones during dinner. "What do you wish to talk about?"

Xiao fidgeted, finding her shoes very interesting. "You called me…Xiao today. Under the peach tree. For the first time since…" she trailed off.

Yu decided to feign indifference. He'd noticed the same thing, but old habits were hard to break, after all. "What of it?"

"I…" she faltered and took a deep breath. "I just want to know if…you still hate me."

The question threw him off guard. _I wasn't expecting that… maybe an "are we friends?" but not this_. He chose his words carefully, tiptoeing around the subject as best he knew how. "We are not _friends_, Lady Qiao. Our banter earlier was due to the lack of my meditation this afternoon. I would never have acted that way under normal circumstances, but I had a severe headache today. It seemed easier to humor you than to brush you off and have your sister on my case again."

"You didn't answer my question," Xiao retorted. "My question was if you still hate me, not if we're friends or not!" His answer stung, but she'd expected something like it.

_Didn't work…_Yu watched her contemplatively, knowing what he had to say. "Hate' is a strong word. Dislike might fit better. I personally find your personality annoying and painfully naïve. And I know _you _find me cold and boring. And," he held up a hand to forestall the argument he _knew _was coming, "just because today reminded you of how we used to be is no reason to think anything has changed. When we first met, you didn't know me, and I didn't know you. We were friends, yes, but not true friends because we didn't truly _know _each other."

"But today proves that we _can_ get along even if we _do _know each other!" Xiao protested. "I knew who you were when we were talking! And I didn't really mind talking to you when you were all nice."

Yu sighed, "And, like I told you, I had a severe headache today. Had I not been distracted, that conversation would never have started."

"Fine," it seemed Xiao didn't have too much of a problem returning to their original formality. "But can we please be civil to each other instead of arguing every five seconds? I know you don't like me, and I don't like you all that much either, but, for everyone else, can we not fight as much?"

Yu smiled sadly, "As you wish, Lady Qiao." He turned back to his scrolls before the temptation to just gather her in his arms and soothe her overwhelmed him. "If there is nothing else you wish to discuss, you may leave."

She nodded and left. Outside, Da was waiting for her. "How'd it go?"

Xiao smiled bravely. "It went fine. We still don't like each other but we won't be snapping at each other every available second."

Da wasn't falling for it. "Xiao, what's wrong?"

She did her best to shrug it off, "Nothing. I just want a husband to protect me and stay by me. I guess I just always thought it'd be him. It doesn't matter; as long as my husband cares for me and I care for him, I'm happy." Xiao looked at her big sister. "What about you? Ce hasn't proposed yet…what will _you _do if he doesn't?"

Da looked at Ce's closed door. "I don't know, Xiao," she sighed sadly. "I don't know."

* * *

Sun Jian sighed and rubbed his temples. Another anxious letter from Lord Qiao had arrived and the news was _not good_. 

"What'd he say?" his wife asked concernedly.

Jian sighed tiredly, "Lord Cao Cao is starting to get impatient. He wants the two girls _very _much. Lord Qiao is concerned that not even marriage could keep him away from them."

"It's the best precaution," Lady Wu pointed out. "If he takes them while they're married, he'll have to deal with the _husbands_, too. If we can't find suitable husbands for them in Wu, it'll have to be from Shu. Wei's out of the question."

This was undeniably true. Marrying officers of Wei would be a useless maneuver in evading Cao Cao. After all, if the husband refused, Cao Cao could have him executed for some false accusation. Of course, the problem was _getting _a husband, not whether or not he was from Wei.

"Wei's not completely out of the question," Jian defended. "If they marry officers of Wei, they could always persuade their husbands to defect to Wu."

Lady Wu raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Good luck getting _that _to happen."

"We _could_ send them to Shu," Jian continued thoughtfully. "It's not an ideal plan, but the generals are honorable, and if their matches aren't here…"

"Who says they aren't_ here_?" Lady Wu asked, offended. And besides, send the two Qiao's _away_? It'd be easier, and safer, for the potential husbands to come _here._ "You know perfectly well that Ce—"

"—has commitment issues," Jian cut her off. "And while Xiao and Xun look promising, Da and Xiao _vow_ one won't do something without the other. If only _one_ finds a husband, she'll swear him off and follow the other to Lord Cao Cao."

Lady Wu sighed, "Well, we can't send them off now!"

Jian didn't hear her, completely lost in thought. Absently, he remarked, "No. Zuo Ci mentioned an International Prank War soon. If that's true, and the teams won't be force-divided, then it's quite plausible that a match could be made then."

"…" To say Lady Wu was shocked was an understatement. "You knew?" she asked incredulously. "_You knew_?"

Jian looked at her amusedly, "Yes, I knew. I finally took your advice and questioned the servants. You're right; they _do _know everything."

"…I don't know whether to be shocked that you know or shocked that you actually followed my advice regarding gossip."

He laughed, "It's not that surprising. I knew there was something different during these days. I've never been so wary of food in my life before. Even _poisons_ are nicer than the pranks those kids pull."

"So what's our plan?" Lady Wu decided to get back to the point. "What will we do with the Qiao sisters?"

Jian shrugged and sighed. "Lay low for a while, I suppose. Zuo Ci's working on the International Prank War, and he's said it will be immediately after this one. Internationality could potentially push the relationships farther, especially with rivalry between forces. I know for a fact that Lord Cao Pi and Ce hate each other with a passion."

Lady Wu chuckled, "Yes. But did you know that Lord Zhang He is smitten with Xiao? You've got a potential match there."

"Great," Jian muttered, rolling his eyes. "Bring the beauty freak to Wu. All we need is for Lord Cao Pi to fall in love with Da and we'll have a lovely little paradox of wrongness."

"Now _that _is _very _wrong," Lady Wu laughed. "I can just imagine Lord Cao Cao and his son lusting after the same girl. Imagine if they tried to form a threesome."

Jian quickly covered his ears and said disgustedly, "Disgustingly _wrong_. On several different levels."

Lady Wu's eyes sparkled mischievously, "I know! But wrongness can be _very _interesting…And just think. I haven't even told you that Lady Zhen Ji wants to snare Yu for herself!"

"_WHAT_?"

"Oops, my tongue slipped."

Jian stared at her mutely. "Let me get this straight. Lady Zhen Ji is after Yu and Lord Zhang He is after Xiao."

"Yep," Lady Wu nodded sympathetically. "I feel so sorry for those two; they don't have a chance at this rate."

"No they don't," Jian said, furrowing his brow. "And unless they realize they're head over heels for each other soon, Lady Zhen and Lord Zhang are going to rip them apart faster than a tiger can."

His wife was silent for a moment before offering helpfully, "Well, there's always Lord Jiang Wei."

Jian groaned, "What more disturbing news do you have for me?"

"Plenty," Lady Wu answered, half grim, half amused. "Lord Jiang and the two Qiao's have been very good brush-pals for a while. The situation is quickly turning dire, and I'm sure he'd be willing to help as a last resort. And neither sister would object too much, I'm sure. It's better than Lord Cao Cao."

"Very true."

Lady Wu paused, choosing her next words carefully. "And what of our daughter, Jian?" (A/N: I know there were two Lady Wu's in history, sisters who both married Sun Jian, but for the story's sake, I'll just combine the two. I love her personality, though! She's a stern mother and a mischievous older sister in the same person!)

Jian sighed, "What do you mean?"

"Do you plan to use her in a political alliance? Or is she free to choose her husband?"

He closed his eyes briefly. Marriages were a big deal in politics, but if there was one thing Jian couldn't stand, it was his children being unhappy. That was the reason he'd allowed Ce to choose if he was ready for marriage, despite the urgent circumstance. "That depends on her choice. If it's a peasant, then I'd have to say no. I doubt anyone could fault me for that."

"Of course not. But what if he's a pirate?"

"It would depend on which one. We have a lot of pirates turned loyal officers."

"What about Ning?"

Jian thought about it and sighed. "I'd prefer if she met other nobles with whom a marriage alliance would prove beneficial before making her decision. Will you tell her that?"

"Of course," Lady Wu smiled. "If anyone else did, they'd end up sliced in half."

He chuckled, "That's our Shang Xiang."

* * *

A/N: Soo...didja like it? Hate it? Clickee the Go button and let me know! As always, flames will be given to Xunie to play with, but Con. Crit. is valued muchly. And wow, one month. True, about a week more than a month, but still. Also, Prank War has hit the 100 page mark in Microsoft Word! WOOT WOOT! 

Per usual, the Prank War results, INCLUDING Day 1's pranks. Btw, Xiao's second prank and Quan's first prank are NOT counted here b/c they haven't happened yet. The planning's done and they've started working on the pranks, but the pranks might not be successful. So until someone is actually pranked, they won't be counted:

Xiao Qiao: 1  
Lu Xun: 1  
Ling Tong: 0

Gan Ning: 2  
Sun Shang Xiang: 1

Sun Ce: 1  
Sun Quan: 0  
Zhou Yu: 2

Thankees for reading and see ya next time!

Dracling Unicorn


	7. Day 2, Shu

A/N: Wow, I'm back! I've decided to discontinue reviewer replies (Sorry!!!) because the site doesn't allow them. But know that all readers and reviewers have my heartfelt thanks for taking time to look over my work and/or offer input.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story were real people during the Three Kingdoms Period. Koei holds copyright over costumes, weapons, items, et cetera. It does NOT have a copyright on anything else because the horses were real, the characters were real, and the places were real. The plot belongs to me.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Day 2, Shu**

Ping was having a very odd dream, yes a very odd dream indeed. In his dream, he and the rest of the Prank War Pranksters of Shu were sitting in a semi-circle in front of the mysterious mystic Zuo Ci. Yes, thevery _mysterious_ mystic, Zuo Ci.

"Hello, people of Shu!" Ci nodded cheerily to the pranksters. "I've invaded the privacy of your dreams in order to tell you that, in the morning, you shall all be healed of any injuries. You will all awaken at the same time, right in time for breakfast. Any questions?"

Yun blinked. No beating around the bush, apparently. "Umm…yeah. We know, or at least I know, that you're Zuo Ci. But what the Wei is going on? Why are you helping us?"

Chao added, "You're not a _spy _for that accursed Cao Cao, are you? I'll rip you in half if you are!"

"No, no," Ci shook his head. "No. I'm helping for reasons that are for me to know and you to not know. And what's happening is," he added patiently, "I'm healing you all and repairing all the damages done to the castle. I think I've explained that already."

"So are you arranging for that International Prank War?" Ying asked, interested.

Ci chuckled, "Perhaps. That's not for you to know yet either. Now, go away! I have work to do!"

* * *

Ma Chao woke up expecting massive amounts of pain and a very annoying headache. After all, fighting in a war _did_ cause crazy dreams, and seriously, why would a _mystic _want to heal a few insignificant officers? 

"I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!"

…Alright, so maybe it wasn't a dream. Chao opened his eyes and sat up. The screamer was one Huang Zhong, no surprise. But then, a man of his age getting smashed by the roof, no wonder he was worrying about whether or not he'd die.

"That's wonderful, Zhong, but would you mind not screaming in my ear?" Ying groaned. "I was having a lovely dream, too…"

Yun chuckled, "Was it about Liang?"

"No," Ying glared at him. "It was about not having to worry about what to do with the Prank War because Zuo Ci took care of it."

"He _did _take care of it," Chao grunted, examining himself. "Nice job of it, too."

"Wow!" Ping still couldn't seem to believe it. "We're alright!"

That was when Pang Tong floated in. "Guess what?"

"I know, isn't it great?" Yun grinned. "We're healed!"

Tong blinked. "Really? That's nice."

Everyone glared at the floating strategist. "That's it?" Ping asked, irritated, "That's all you have to say, is 'That's nice'? The Prank War can continue now!"

"Somehow, I doubt that unless you can persuade Cai's father to not be paranoid," Tong remarked casually. "Zhang Fei's convinced the Prank War is going to kill Cai."

Ying giggled, "Well, at least if that happens, she won't be killed on the battlefield!"

Chao chuckled, "That's an interesting way of looking at it."

"Yes, very cheerful," Yun offered dryly.

"Quite," Tong coughed. "Anyway, Fei's adamantly protesting the Prank War because of the roof collapsing. It doesn't matter that the roof's miraculously back now, apparently."

"The roof's back?" Chao blinked. "That…isn't as odd as it sounds, actually…" he trailed off thoughtfully.

Ping rubbed his head, "Did anyone else have this really weird dream about Zuo Ci and the Prank War?"

Everyone's hand went up. Ying looked around and shrugged, "I guess we're all healed then. Zuo Ci must really need this Prank War."

"Or else he just finds it funny," Wei arrived, chuckling. "I know I would."

"You wouldn't if you'd broken a rib!" Zhong snapped irritably.

"How are things going out there?" Tong asked Wei, completely ignoring the veteran. "Is the War still on?"

Wei sighed tiredly, even though it was early morning. "No idea," he answered, rolling his eyes. "You know, I think the only reason those three became brothers was because they argue like brothers."

Ying laughed, "Why else would they swear brotherhood?" she asked rhetorically. "Anyway, that aside, I'm more interested in what sort of arguments they're giving. Who's mediating?"

"Liang. Who else?" Wei replied.

"How about someone who can hold back three very competent warriors?" Yun answered half-sardonically. "Liang won't be able to keep them from brawling!"

"Isn't that _your _job?" Ping asked his "uncle".

Yun glared at him and hopped off his cot, grumbling. "It's not a job if I _volunteered_," he sighed. "Sometimes, I hate my job."

"You just said it _wasn't _a job," Ying pointed out mildly.

"It's close enough!" Yun snapped, put out. Without another word, he jumped off his cot and ran out the door.

Ping blinked. "Well, at least we know Dad and Uncle Fei aren't going to rip Uncle Bei and each other apart. Hey, where's Cai?"

Wei grinned guiltily, "Helping Liang restrain your Uncle."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Ping jumped out of his cot with a "WHAT?" and raced out the door after Yun.

Chao watched the cloud of dust settle and winced. "_That's _not good."

"No kidding," Ying commented dryly.

Zhong whistled. "Why doesn't he ever run that fast on the battlefield?"

Tong shrugged, "You know how he is about Cai. And I'd have to say that Bei, Fei, and Yu arguing is a lot scarier than _any _battlefield."

That was when the door burst open revealing the three brothers, Liang, Yun, Cai, and Ping. "IT ABSOLUTELY DOES _NOT _RELIEVE STRESS IF PEOPLE GET HURT!" Fei roared.

"_CALM _yourself, Fei!" Yu snapped back. "You don't even have a _right _to complain! Cai wasn't even _injured_! _Ping _on the other hand—"

"Brothers, please!" Bei interrupted. "The war _must _go on! What will the other kingdoms say if Shu drops out because of a few injuries?"

"You said _yourself _that injuring each other and fighting against each other are detrimental to our kingdom's unity!" Yu retorted. "If our officers are fighting each other, who's fighting Wei and Wu?"

"And what about our _officers_?" Fei added furiously. "If half of our force's major generals are in the hospital, what will we do if Wei or Wu _attacks_?"

"They _won't_," Bei countered. "The other officers have sworn to advise their rulers against attack!"

"But their rulers might not listen!" Fei rejoined. "It's not like that hasn't happened before!"

"My lords—" Yun attempted to interrupt but Bei's reply cut him off.

"All the strategists are in the war!" Bei insisted. "No good ruler disregards the advice of his strategist! Not to mention the _heirs _that are in the war…"

"A fat lot of good those brats do!" Yu snapped. "War is war and this children's imitation is going to be the death of our kingdom!"

"If I may interrupt—" Liang began.

Fei interrupted Liang's interruption. "Yeah! And what happens if Mr. Moo notices that half our officers are wounded? He's not going to listen to that pet snake of a strategist! And his son's as much of a threat to him as Wu is!"

"Please my lords—"

"EVERYONE. SHUT. UP!"

* * *

Wei Yan watched the three brothers thoughtfully over the rim of his bowl. After screaming at them to shut up, Yan had pointed to Zhong and told them to listen to him since he wasn't _in _the War, but was a victim. 

And, fortunately, crotchety Zhong condoned the Prank War even after his broken rib so the War was back on. Although there _was_ a serious lack of Pranks since the members were all still marveling at their healed injuries.

_Seriously_, Yan rolled his eyes. Zuo Ci was pretty close to being a demigod. _You'd think they'd have learned by now_…

Apparently not. Yan closed his eyes and savored his breakfast with the sinking feeling that soon, things were about to get a lot more chaotic.

* * *

Steady….slowly…just a bit…more…almost… 

"Hey, Cai! What are you doing?"

Ohhh no.

Concentration broken, Cai felt her hands start to slip. "Ping!" she wailed furiously. "Shut up!"

"Why?" Ping asked puzzled.

"Just _do it_!" Cai snarled menacingly. Focusing all her energy on climbing up the column was difficult enough without distraction. Stupid Ping, breaking her focus! Okay, deep breath. Left foot. Right foot. Good. Push up, reach with right hand. Good, reach with left hand…

"Ping! Cai!" The young prince ran up to his friends.

Cai groaned, "Chan! Can't you two idiots shut _up_?! This is _hard_!"

"Why?" Chan sulked. "I don't want to shut up!"

Cai sighed despairingly as she felt her hands and feet start to slip. _And I worked so hard to get up this far, too_. With a vow to make Chan pay dearly, Cai pushed off the column and landed solidly next to her friends. "Chan, I'm going to give you five seconds," she said gently.

Ping gulped. Cai was _never_ gentle with them unless they were either hurt or going to get hurt. _This is _not _good_.

Chan apparently realized this too. "I'm sorry, Cai," he said nervously, backing away. "I'll be quiet from now on, I promise!"

Cai just held up five fingers. "Five."

Ping backed away. "Chan, I'd start run…" he looked around, but Chan was no where in sight. "…ing." It seemed even Chan knew what the smart thing to do was.

"Four." Ping glanced at Cai, who was steadily counting down. Why was she climbing a column in the first place _anyway_?

"Three." Maybe she was planning to hang a trap on the crossbeams? That would make sense. Maybe she and Liang had talked about it…

"Two." But that didn't excuse her from not telling her faithful teammate Ping about it! Nothing could excuse her from _that_.

"One." Almost there. Ping backed away so he wouldn't get trampled when Cai went on her impending rampage.

"Zero." Ping closed his eyes and waited for the dust to settle. After counting very slowly to ten, he opened his eyes, dusted his clothes off, and strolled off to find Liang, humming under his breath.

_

* * *

Well, isn't this interesting…_ Tong scratched his head curiously while surveying the repaired hallway after lunch. "Do either of you remember which columns Ping cut down?" 

"These three," Chao pointed the guilty columns out. "They each support one side of a crossbeam, as well as the internal structure of the roof."

Yun inspected each column interestedly. "There aren't any marks where Ping cut them down. The columns are definitely the exact same ones as before, though. See this chip here? That's from that time when Chan was playing with his dagger."

"I remember that, actually," Tong said thoughtfully.

Chao rolled his eyes, "Was that maybe because you were the one teaching him how to use it?"

"Yep." Tong grinned. "That was fun." He turned to Yun, "Found anything?"

Yun sighed, "Nope. There aren't any slash marks at all. It just looks like Ping never cut them down."

"Interesting…" Tong stored the information into the Intriguing but Currently Useless folder. After all, if Zuo Ci was involved, it often meant that the smallest details were important. The old coot was just like that…"Huh. Well, this tells us one thing, at least."

"It does?" Chao asked skeptically.

Tong nodded sagely. "Oh yes. This means Zuo Ci…went to Hogwarts!" (1)

Yun blinked. "He _what_?"

"Went to Hogwarts!" Tong repeated as if it was as sane as saying the grass was green.

"…Where in China is Hogwarts?" Chao frowned. _I know I'm no military genius and I wasn't particularly good at geography besides Tactical Advantages of Geography but I'm pretty sure Hogwarts isn't in China. Or anywhere else, for that matter. What a gobbledygook name. I bet he made that up. _

"Hogwarts," Tong explained knowingly, "is a magical school where young witches and wizards go to learn magic! They do magic with wands! And if Zuo Ci can repair objects that can't be repaired by normal means, he must have used the _Reparo_ spell!"

_Oh he's definitely lost it_, Chao sighed gloomily. _We are _so _doomed_. "Tong, I'm pretty sure mystics don't go to 'Magic School' when they're little kids. That stuff is learned through intense individual meditation."

Yun rolled his eyes. "Chao, give it up. He's obviously read too many books for his own good. Zuo Ci must have some divine power from Nu Wa or Fu Xi that lets him fix random things."

"That would explain our rapid healing, too," Chao agreed thoughtfully. "Healing is a form of fixing, if you think about it. Fixing the body. So Zuo Ci's powers include fixing things."

Yun sighed, "It sounds really stupid when you say it like that. The Great Mystic Zuo Ci can fix things! Wow, takes a talented mystic to do that…"

"It would take more than a talented mystic to fix this country, though," Chao sighed. "That's what we're for. Maybe he's just helping us out. He can't fix the country, so he's fixing us so we can fix the country."

"What the Wei are you two talking about, I wonder," Tong interjected cheerfully. "No matter. We must go inform Bei that Zuo Ci is a Hogwarts alum!"

Chao and Yun looked at each other, heaved a simultaneous sigh, and grabbed the "smart one" of their team. "We are _not _going to do any such thing," Yun informed Tong impatiently.

"That's right," Chao agreed. "The other teams already have a prank over us, each, and we're going to take advantage of their own puzzling out what's going on with Zuo Ci and catch up."

Tong thought about it as he was dragged away by his arms, "I suppose. Although I'm pretty sure Liang and Ying will both figure out that Zuo Ci went to Hogwarts very soon."

"Let's hope they _do _get to that crazy conclusion," Chao retorted dryly. He and Yun were almost effortlessly pulling their teammate to their "planning center". "That way we'll have even more of an edge considering we know better."

"It's not much of a conclusion, though, is it?" Yun contemplated. "So Zuo Ci is a repairman who can repair things that normal people can't, like that column. He didn't repair the roof so much as repaired the columns and most repairmen would just replace the columns to repair the roof."

Chao blinked. "Funnily enough, I understood that. Final conclusion, Zuo Ci fixes things no one else can."

"Except the country," Yun continued, "Which is why he fixed our injuries, so we could fix the country."

"But we're not fixing the country," Chao objected, noting in the back of his mind that Tong was finally listening to their conversation. "At least, we aren't now, not with the Prank War going on. If anything, the War is slowing down our eventual conquering of China and bringing peace to the country."

Yun considered this. "Yes, that _is _something to ponder. Well, we'll leave that to everyone else to figure out."

"Good idea!" Tong nodded. "Now, let's go work out something for the Prank War!"

_

* * *

...so that gives you r 3atanσsecσ all over 1 plus tan cubed __σ. Pull out the ½, integral from 0 to π/2 of quantity 3atanσsecσ all over 1 plus tan cubed __σ, quantity squared dσ. Substitute u for quantity 1 plus tan cubed __σ, du/dσ equal to 3atan squared __σ times sec squared __σ, substitute in u and du for σ and dσ, cancel out tan squared __σ times sec squared __σ, cancel 9 with 3, pull out 3a, integrate interval 0 to π/2 gives you negative 3a squared __divided by quantity 1 plus tan cubed __σ evaluated at π/2 minus said quantity evaluated at 0 is undefined…take the lim_— 

"Liang? What the hell are you doing?"

Liang roused himself from his musings. "Something your feeble mind cannot comprehend," he snapped impatiently, leveling a glare at the unfortunate passerby who dared interrupt him. Realizing who he'd just snapped at, Liang relaxed a bit. "Sorry, Ping," he apologized. "I was rather…immersed."

"Yeah, obviously," Ping replied warily. "What the hell were you scribbling?" he asked, peering over the strange symbols scrawled on Liang's paper.

"Not much," Liang shrugged. "Just a bit of light mathematics to warm up my mind." With the air of the excited scholar, he explained. "I was trying to find the area in the petal of the graph of a rectangular equation. But it's got two variables and graphing it is a bit of a pain."

Ping looked at him blankly. "What?"

Liang fought the urge to roll his eyes. _Ying would get it_, flitted through his mind briefly, before remembering, _Wei would get it too_. "Basically, I was trying to graph x3 y33axy, where 'a' is a constant greater than zero." (2)

Pulling out a piece of paper, Liang further explained, "It creates a sort of leaf-like graph when x and y are both greater than zero, and I was trying to find the area inside this leaf. I ended up converting the equation to polar form, and found that, given y equals rsinσ and x equals rcosσ, and making a substitution of y equals xt, after finding x and y individually in terms of t, substituted these values in for r squared equals x squared times y squared and tanσ equals y/x, it turns out that r is equal to 3atanσsecσ divided by the quantity 1 tan cubed σ."

"…Right…" Ping shook his bemusedly. Deciding not to humor his teammate, he changed the subject. "Did you and Cai decide on a prank without telling me? Because she was climbing a column for some random reason. It was very sketchy; even Chan wondered what she was doing."

Liang blinked, waiting for his mind to fully shift from "light mathematics" to the Prank War. "Oh, that. Yes, I sent Cai to investigate where the most strategic locations for some traps might be."

"Traps," Ping replied thoughtfully. "You mean we're playing the 'defensive game'? Tying people up in knots to delay their pranks while performing as many as we can ourselves? But didn't we say yesterday that Ying also knew about defensive trapping?"

"We did," Liang acknowledged. "But considering the way things will be set, I doubt her prior knowledge will help her unless she examines the little tiny details on every single column. Or makes a habit of looking upwards as she walks."

Ping eyed his teammate amusedly. "You _are _going to tell me what the strategy is, right? Sometime today would be nice, by the way."

Liang rolled his eyes. "Of course, of course," he said, waving his hand dismissively. "But let's discuss that somewhere _less _public. And we'll need to find Cai and ask her opinion on exactly how this shall be carried out."

* * *

Wei tapped his foot against the floor impatiently, watching his teammate stare at the piece of paper for what was now a good fifteen minutes. "Well? What does it say?" 

"Hm?" Ying looked up pensively. "Not much, really. The real big news, I think, is that the guy who caused Xiao to stop believing in love is Lord Zhou Yu."

"You didn't know that?" Wei asked, taken aback.

It was Ying's turn to be surprised. "_You_ knew that? You're not exactly social along inter-kingdom lines."

Wei shrugged, "I generally keep it a secret that the Qiao's and I are close brush-pals. And Lu Xun is a good friend of mine."

"So many Wu connections," Ying mused. "But weren't you a Wei officer before Liang convinced you to join Shu?"

Wei shrugged again, "Yes, but I wasn't exactly a high-ranking official. It was one of the reasons I defected; I felt like it'd take too long to work my way up into the higher-ranks. But that aside, how did you _not _know about the Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao breakup?"

"Break up?" Ying gaped in shock. "They were _together_?"

"Well, no," Wei admitted. "When Sun Ce and Zhou Yu rescued the Qiao's from Dong Zhuo, Lord Qiao Xuan decided that the Qiao's should stay with them in Wu to protect them from other men who took pursuit of marriage too far."

"I know _that_," Ying said petulantly. "I'm not _completely _in the dark about this stuff."

Ignoring her, Wei continued, "So far no one else has tried, since the Wu heir and his sworn brother are very formidable, power-wise. The only one whose marriage proposal is actually being pressed is Lord Cao Cao's, and Qiao Xuan sees no reason, other than his daughters' reluctance to marry Cao Cao and become concubines, to refuse."

"Yes, yes, I know, but what does that have to do with Zhou Yu and Xiao?" Ying asked impatiently.

"Well," Wei delayed, "I'm not sure I can tell you that."

Ying groaned, "Why _not_?"

"Because if Da wanted you to know, she would have told you," Wei replied simply. "Now, let me see that letter." Seeing Ying was about to refuse, he continued, "There can't be anything in its contents that I don't know anyway. Da and Xiao keep me updated as well."

Reluctantly, Ying handed over the paper, scowling all the while. She'd long prided herself as being one of the most inter-kingdom-connected people in Shu, and it prickled her pride that her teammate was also a regular correspondent of the Qiao's.

After all, it was usually Da who wrote to her, as Da was the more socially aware of the two. Xiao wrote to Ying as well, but wrote to Cai more. That Wei wrote to both Da and Xiao and both responded seemed a bit odd to her, but who was she to question it?

"It doesn't say much," she explained. "Apparently Zhou Yu screwed up and Da now thinks he's bad for Xiao."

Wei frowned thoughtfully. "That's not good. Da's opinion means a lot to Xiao."

"I know," Ying sighed. "But I have to agree that Zhou Yu was being kind of insensitive."

"What happened?" Wei asked interestedly. "I haven't gotten to that part yet."

Ying rolled her eyes. "He filled her room with cockroaches while she was sleeping. Not exactly the smartest thing to do, considering the Rules," here she whipped out the battered scroll Wei recognized as one of three official copies of the Prank War Rulebook, "say that, quote, 'pranks may not kill, seriously injure, or incapacitate someone on purpose…Nighttime, after 12:00 midnight, is safe time. Everyone needs to sleep. Execution of pranks will start again after the sun has _completely _risen.' End quote."

"I know," Wei nodded, adding, "Remember, I'm an Original Prankster, too. And considering Xiao has insectophobia, the prank could be considered 'incapacitating'."

"It's not only that either," Ying agreed. "You could argue that the execution of the prank was actually at night, during safe time, before sunrise and therefore out of bounds."

"We can't make that argument, though," Wei objected. "We executed a similar prank on Bei the first day, with the mice. Our justification in that case was that the execution of the prank would be when the victim felt the effects. In other words, the prank wasn't technically 'executed' until Bei woke up, which was after sunrise. Zhou Yu could make the same argument."

"True," Ying said thoughtfully. "The incapacitation is also a bit of a stretch. I mean, the bugs wouldn't _hurt _her."

Wei shook his head, "Hurt, no, but she _was _incapacitated." Noticing his teammates puzzled look, Wei explained, "She was found wrapped in her blanket huddled against the headboard of her bed. Lu Xun had to carry her out and she was a mess for a few hours. Phobias are nothing to joke about."

"Wow," Ying, too, shook her head. "No wonder Da's so pissed. Hey," she realized, "that part wasn't in the letter!" Casting an accusatory glare at her partner, she asked, "How did you know about that when it wasn't in the letter and just happened this morning?"

"Da wrote a letter to me, too. And I got my letter from Zuo Ci as soon as he arrived in Shu with our mail at lunch."

"Oh." Ying was feeling a bit left out. "What did her letter say?"

Wei shrugged neutrally, "Only that she was writing this hurriedly as she was sending you a letter too. She told me the details of this morning and said I could share them with you if I wanted to."

"Oh, sweet," Ying brightened. "I was beginning to think they didn't want me to know anything!"

Wei watched her warily, "Yes, well, don't go blabbing about everything I tell you. Also, mention to Da that I told you what I did in your next letter, okay?"

"Sure," Ying agreed. "And now that _that's _settled, let's go plan a prank!"

* * *

It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was calm. It was…_not right at all_. 

"Where the hell is everyone?" Zhong fumed. "Why's it so quiet and peaceful now?"

The veteran warrior had long since grudgingly admitted that he looked forward to this stupid War. After all, it was certainly exciting. And it kept his wits sharp, made him feel young again.

_Ah, the rigors of youth_…he thought wistfully. With a reminiscent air, he set off on a leisurely walk around the castle with the vague hope that someone would be tempted to try some trick against him. _It's no fun if no one's attacking…dear gods, I sound like I have a death wish!_

Zhong shook his head and decided to go outside and hope someone would be willing to spar with him. Maybe Yan was free…?

* * *

The Yan in question was currently staring at the columns that Zuo Ci had repaired the previous night. _What are you up to, Master Zuo?_ He mused. _You have said you needed my help, and I have given it. But what purpose does ensuring that the Prank War continues serve? And what are your designs for this children's War? _Clenching his fists, he vowed, _No matter what you're planning, know that I, Wei Yan, will be your strongest opponent should you attempt to attack Lord Liu Bei's kingdom!_

"Yan! There you are!"

A hearty slap on the back woke Yan from his dark thoughts. "What…Zhong…want?" he asked grouchily.

"Nothing much, nothing much," Zhong replied airily. "I was just wondering if you had a moment. I've been dying to stretch my muscles with a good sparring match. What do you say to that?"

Yan shrugged, "Sure…" _Thinking too much is bad, anyway. Might as well get in some practice while we're still in down time._

"Wonderful, wonderful," Zhong nodded cheerfully. "I'll meet you out in the training courts in a few minutes, then!"

Something caught Yan's attention then. "Why…so…good…mood?" he asked suspiciously. "Zhong…like…Lady…Xiao…Qiao. Jump…laugh…too…much!"

"Nonsense, old friend!" Zhong waves his hand dismissively. "I'm just feeling rather chipper today, what with my rapid healing thanks to that marvelous mystic. No need to insult me by comparing me to that chirpy little brat!"

…_Good point, _Yan conceded. _No one could be _that _annoying, no matter how cheerful they were. What Ying, Cai, and Wei see in her is beyond me. Annoying little chit. Like a little flea, always jumping around and falling over. _

"Anyway, let's meet out at training court 4 for warm-up, alright? Don't take too long getting your weapon!" With that Zhong vanished around the corner, presumably to ready his precious bow.

Yan shook his head. _I don't suppose I'd be able to do much to prevent Master Zuo from turning us all insane, though_…he thought gloomily. _I sincerely hope that is _not _his plan. If it is, we're all doomed._

* * *

"You can't be serious." 

"Why not?"

Ping stared at the blueprint Liang had sketched out sometime prior to their meeting. "First of all, how in all of China are we supposed to play off the disappearance of so much stuff?"

Liang shrugged, "The rules say no bribery or threats, yes? So then we ask. Politely."

Ping suppressed a snort, "Yeah, like that actually works. Besides," he gestured at the simple enough plan for the prank and at the map of the castle. "Somehow, I get the feeling that for this plan to work, we'll need a _lot _of stuff."

"True," Cai spoke up. "But we don't need to have a trap at every single circled location," she said, bending over the map. "If we have something exceptionally bothersome, like honey, ink, soy sauce, or milk, the distraction they'll cause will keep the victims busy for quite a while."

Ping thought about it. "So let me get this straight. We're launching a defensive campaign by littering the entire castle with traps such as suspended buckets of ink or diluted honey, nets covered in sticky substances for delay, and random pitfalls that will have to be outside as we can't go digging another pit in the castle without Uncle Bei throwing a hissy fit."

"Exactly," Liang nodded. "Although the pits are a bit of a stretch considering digging takes a while and is very conspicuous, not to mention that climbing out of a pit isn't exactly difficult. It will most likely be suspended sticky nets and buckets of unpleasant liquids."

Cai shuddered, "I'll say. Sticky liquids drying on your skin feel absolutely awful and gross. Water's alright, since all you have to do is change, and mud is something we're all used to. But honey? Gross."

"That reminds me," Ping frowned. "Why diluted honey? Can't we just use regular honey?"

"Regular honey is too viscous. It wouldn't spill from the bucket quickly enough," Liang answered. "Besides, diluting the honey will increase our stores and allow us to create more traps."

"And I suppose this is why Cai was climbing columns this morning after breakfast," Ping half asked, half stated.

Cai glared at him. "You mean when you and Chan ever so nicely caused me to slide down the column before I could get to the top, wasting my time and effort?" She asked in an uncharacteristically irritated tone.

Ping shrugged, "Yeah, I guess." Petulantly, he added, "You could have told _me _what was going on, though."

"Well you didn't exactly show up at a convenient time," Cai snapped. "It took me a good fifteen minutes to get back to the height I was at, and another five to get to the top!"

Liang frowned, puzzled for once. "Why did it take you twenty minutes to climb a column? It wasn't _that _high."

Cai threw him a scathing look. "It took me a few tries to actually get to the top so I could examine how we were going to set up the traps. And those columns are ridiculously wide in diameter. I could barely get my arms around them, and they were slippery!"

"Yeah, well if you'd told me what you were doing, then I could have helped you," Ping replied dismissively.

"Regardless," Liang cut in before the two could get into a quarrel. "We now know how to set up these traps, and we need to acquire the materials."

"Which brings us back to my original question of how we're supposed to disguise the disappearance of maybe a liter or more of honey," Ping concluded.

Liang rolled his eyes. _I can't believe I'm arguing with these two…_"And I stick by my previous answer of asking politely."

"That," Cai said emphatically, "will not work if it's either Ping or I doing the asking. We have awful reputations and snooping around the kitchen will be very suspicious."

Liang sighed, "Very well then. _I _will do the asking as it seems neither of you will be capable of achieving our goal. While I secure the unpleasant materials, you two go find enough rope to circle the castle three times."

"Seriously?" Ping asked, impressed. "We'll need that much rope?"

"Perhaps," Liang shrugged. "Perhaps not. But I'd prefer to be over-prepared all the same."

Cai stared at the strategist strangely. "You know," she said. "I never would have thought you of all people would join the War. It makes you seem younger, more our age, and that's really weird considering that you plan most of our military campaigns."

"I'm not _old_," Liang said defensively. "I'm about as old as Yun and Chao."

"You're _twenty_?" Ping gaped. "No _way_!"

Cai looked Liang over critically. "It's the mustache and beard," she said decisively. "That's why. You look like you're around twenty five with them." A wild thought ran across her mind. "You should try shaving! I've heard it hurts a lot if you cut yourself but if you're careful with the blade you should be alright!"

"Absolutely not," Liang replied flatly. "I am not doing this 'shaving' and the beard and mustache stay. I rather like my beard actually," he said, twirling it. "I think it's more dignified."

"Wow," Ping said, staring wide-eyed at his teammate. "You sound like Father."

Liang tried very hard not to be insulted. "I do not protect my beard with a silk bag in the winter," he replied somewhat sullenly. _Sullenly? Good gods, I'm acting like a child! _Mentally shaking himself, Liang changed the subject. "Now enough procrastinating. Go find that rope while I persuade the cooks to give up a month's worth of honey."

"Don't forget the soy sauce, too!" Cai called as she and Ping disappeared around the corner.

Liang shook his head. _As if I'd forget. I came up with the plan, you know…_Sighing, he turned and walked in the direction of the kitchen.

* * *

"You know, the problem with these pranks is that they all have to be set up _at night_ when everyone's asleep," Yun remarked while gazing critically over the list of pranks he, Chao, and Tong had come up with. 

"True," Chao admitted. "But at least it's a start. Besides, as long as the victims don't wake up until after sunrise, the pranks will be legitimate."

Yun shook his head. "Somehow, I doubt we'd be able to move someone without waking them up. They'd have to be either very drunk or knocked unconscious and that's treading a fine line around the Incapacitation Rule."

"You know," Tong said slowly. "I think the Prank War Rulebook says only _pranks _may not incapacitate victims."

"So?" Yun asked. "A Prank, by definition, includes the actual process of creating the Prank itself. It is, in effect, the idea, setting up, carrying out, and success of a plan that irritates, mildly humiliates, et cetera, another person or persons. We can't knock someone unconscious to set up a prank because the knocking out also constitutes part of the plan of the Prank and is therefore a part of the Prank."

"What if we didn't knock them out, though," Chao argued. "What if…they were just really drunk?"

Tong shook his head. "You're onto something, but you're going in the wrong direction," he said knowingly.

Chao looked surprised. "Really? What am I onto? And why am I in the wrong direction?"

Tong smirked behind his veil. "First off, no one is stupid enough to get drunk during the Prank War. That's suicidal."

"So how do we make sure the victims don't wake up while we're moving them then?" Yun asked somewhat impatiently.

"…Ever heard of hop, boys?" Tong asked, eyes sparkling mischievously.

Chao blinked. "Hop? What the hell is hop?"

Tong paused, enjoying the moment before enlightening his teammates. "Hop is a type of flowering plant, the female flowers of which are used in certain alcoholic beverages. Most importantly, it's a hypnotic, or a sleep-inducing plant. And spiking the victims' drinks isn't really a 'prank' per say. It enables another prank but it is not an essential part of the prank."

"Well," Yun said brightly. "That's it, then, isn't it? We slip some of this hop stuff into the victims' drinks!"

"And what?" Chao asked skeptically. "They keel over and start snoring?"

"No," Tong replied, a little miffed at being interrupted before he was finished. "They get sleepy. Then they go to bed, and then we move them. If there's a sufficient amount of the powdered female buds in their drinks, they shouldn't wake up."

"Nice!" Yun snapped his fingers triumphantly. "That's what we'll do then!"

"But what do we do _until _then?" Chao asked, bringing the subject back to the original problem. "Like you said, the problem with these pranks is that all of them take place at night."

"Perhaps not…" Tong interjected. "What we've currently got has to take place when the victims are sleeping. But what if we plan it at dinner instead?"

Yun frowned, trying to figure out what Tong was onto. "At dinner?"

"I get it!" Chao said, comprehension dawning. "We spike the drinks! Since no one's dumb enough to actually consume any form of alcohol, we just slip it in!"

"Or, without the alcohol, we just drug the drinks with some hop!" Tong nodded approvingly. "If we add a little hop into the drinks of the intended victims, they'll get sleepy, and then later when everyone's gone to bed, we set the Prank up!"

Yun shook his head, "But we can't do anything during dinner since the only mean that's _not _out of bounds this year is breakfast."

"Maybe not," Chao said thoughtfully. "Adding hop to the drinks isn't really a Prank in and of itself, and it's not really part of any other plan. It is an added precaution, and not a necessary clause of the prank itself, which could be carried out without it's use. Therefore, as it is not a prank, or part of one, it is not countered by the Safe Meals rule. And after everyone's gone to bed, we continue with our planned Prank, and at breakfast, we can execute the other plan."

"Wonderful," Tong nodded contently. "Oh, and we need to be very careful getting around the castle from now on." When Chao and Yun looked at him curiously, he continued, "Cai was climbing columns today and remember Liang was talking about a defensive plan yesterday? I'll bet my hat that they've got some traps set up. 'Course, the traps won't count as Pranks unless they're successful and actually _hit _someone, so be on your guard."

"Brilliant," Yun said, cheerfully. "So our focus today is actually finding some hop and not getting hit by any wayward pranks!"

"Yes, now the kitchen should have some hop since Zhong takes hop tea to fall asleep sometimes," Tong explained. "However, we need the dried female buds since they're more potent. If the kitchen is out, we're going to need to go hunting for some in the gardens."

"Wait…hop tea…" Chao said, thinking hard. "Don't we all have to go to the Hospital Wing later for that doctor to check up on us and make sure the injuries we got yesterday aren't acting up?"

"Yes…?" Tong raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What about it?"

"…I think I've got a better idea," Chao replied a bit smugly. "Since the adding hop at dinner could still be a shaky idea…how about this?"

* * *

Dinner that night was a strangely quiet affair, Liang noted, filing away the information. He'd obtained the "unpleasant substances" that would be used for his team's defensive traps, and Cai and Ping had reported they had enough rope and buckets to set a trap in every corridor. 

Unfortunately, by the time the said materials had been obtained, it was time for dinner. And after dinner, Bei insisted that everyone who had been injured the night before visit the Hospital Wing to make sure Zuo Ci's rapid healing was permanent, with no adverse effects.

Liang sighed, gloomily staring at his dinner. He supposed he and Cai could set up a few traps but it was unwise to set them up so late in the day anyway. Guards and servants still wandered the halls at night and having them getting hit by the traps would tip off the officers that there were traps lying around. Besides, having someone other than an officer setting off a trap would be a waste of materials.

It seemed most efficient, therefore, to set up the traps early in the morning, far before sunrise. That way, it was more likely that the traps would hit officers instead of servants, and more traps could go off before someone figured out that the plan was a _succession _of traps instead of one or two.

_Damn awful timing_, Liang thought sourly. _Given the nature of the plan, it's better to set them up before sunrise. If that's the case, we should go to bed early to avoid being pranked…I'll have to ask Cai and Ping about whether or not sleeping is "safe time" or if it's just after midnight that's safe._

"It's not."

"Huh?" Liang looked up from his musings.

Ying was looking at him amusedly. "You were mumbling about sleeping being safe. It's not."

_Good job Liang¸ _the strategist cursed himself. _Way to be suspicious. _"Why isn't it? If you're tired, you should be allowed to rest easy, without being on your guard until midnight."

"Think about it," Ying replied. "Teams could use sleep as a defense. An entire team could sleep from sunrise to midnight, rise after midnight and set up a multitude of pranks. The pranks would be legal since they wouldn't be actually executed until victims set them off when they wake up in the morning."

Liang nodded, "And if the team is only awake during the 'safe time' at night, then they would never get pranked. They would never be possible victims for pranks and other teams couldn't earn points from them."

"Exactly," Ying smiled. "In all modesty, the Original Pranksters aren't fools. When we wrote the rules, we knew the War would be like any other War; dishonorable. We are all competitive; we would not be warriors otherwise. Part of being a warrior is the urge to prove and improve ourselves. We fight this War to relax and have fun, but also to win. And in the desire to win, we would twist and push at the rules as much as we could. So the Prank War Rulebook is meant to have no unintentional loopholes, with rules to govern every situation."

"Logical," Liang muttered. _After all, half the reason I wanted us to retire early was to remove us from line of fire of Pranks. That way, the other teams would have fewer targets. They really did think the Rulebook through thoroughly. _He yawned, "But what if you're really tired?"

"I suppose we could ask everyone if they would prefer to just end the War early today since Ping, Yun, Chao, Zhong, and I all have to go to the Hospital Wing after dinner," Ying said thoughtfully. Tong and Wei can't really set up or plan pranks by themselves and if you're tired, we might as well call it a day."

"Wonderful," Liang said brightly. _If we can't set up our prank today, at least no one else will get ahead with their pranks!_

"Of course," Ying eyed her friend suspiciously, "we'll have to run that idea by everyone else."

"I see…" Liang nodded. _Let's see if I can find another, less suspicious way of bringing about an early end today…_

* * *

"Amazing," the doctor from yesterday shook his head. "It's almost as though none of you were injured!" 

Yan rolled his eyes discreetly. _Well yeah. Master Zuo Ci was the one who healed them. Of _course _they're good as new! _He thought irritably. _What did you expect? Sloppy fractures? _

"However," the doctor continued. "I would not advise any overexerting yourselves. Your ridiculous War will have to wait until tomorrow to continue, and I mean that. No more pranks today, is that understood?"

"Not that you really let us do anything besides plan pranks today," Ping muttered quietly as everyone nodded grudgingly.

Beside him, Yun hid an amused smirk. _Does after midnight count?_ _After all, we need to set up our prank after midnight, when everyone's gone to bed. 'Course, we'll probably all be dead tired tomorrow, but hey, war is an extreme case!_

The doctor gave Ping a disapproving look before adding, "It is better to be safe than sorry. I'll give you all something to drink to help you fall asleep. Sleep is, after all, the best remedy for things like these."

"I thought you said we were healed," Ying said suspiciously. "Why all this extra caution?"

"I don't particularly trust supernatural happenings," the doctor replied stiffly. "After a good night's sleep, I will believe that all of you are officially healed and may continue this ridiculous War of yours without any further hindrance."

Appeased, the patients accepted their fate, downing the soothing brew before stumbling wearily off to bed.

The doctor shook his head, chuckling. _I wonder what strange idea those three are have_, he mused. _It better be good! That was a lot of hop tea I gave the other patients and I'll need to replenish my stores sometime soon. This prank better be worth it!_

* * *

(1) Hogwarts does not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling and the Harry Potter universe. _Reparo_ is the repairing spell from Harry Potter. 

(2) The problem Liang is working on is known as the Folium of Descartes (who lived in the late 1600's) so technically, it has not yet been proposed. I'm also not sure if the Chinese knew about polar graphs, but for the sake of the story and Liang's characterization, let's say they did.

A/N: Alright, so the Prank War….is at a standstill as of now! Anyone notice that while there was a _lot _of planning, there were no pranks executed? My excuse for that is the officers were recently traumatized and are still not used to strange things happening. Today was a more "get back on your feet" day for them, but look forward to Day 3 for some odd things!

So the Prank War count is the same as Day 1, namely:

Yue Ying: 1  
Jiang Wei: 1

Zhuge Liang: 1  
Xing Cai: 0  
Guan Ping: 1

Pang Tong: 1  
Ma Chao: 0  
Zhao Yun: 0

As always, read, review, and thanks for your time!

Dracling Unicorn


	8. Day 2, Wei

A/N: Hello, hello! Apologies on the lateness of the chapter; I truly have no excuse for this being up later than I'd planned. In my defense, it's almost twice as long as chapter 7, and hits around 11,000 words! I truly didn't expect it to be this long, but so much happened and there's a mystery to be solved, and we finally have the beginnings of a romance (sort of), and….well, read and find out! As always, thanks to reviewers and readers alike, although reviewers a bit more than readers because reviewers do a little more work.

Note: I just realized that the Day 2 chapters are all longer than the Day 1's...except for Shu. The reason for that is I don't have as much fun with Shu characters and I apologize but that's the way it is.

Also, _italics_ are thoughts or emphasis, depending on how long the italicized words/phrases are. Chances are, if it's a sentence, it's a thought. If it's one or two words, it's emphasis. I also don't tend to leave out quotation marks, so those should be a tipoff.

Disclaimer: These characters and places belong to history. Their costumes, weapons and half their personalities belong to KOEI. The plot belongs to me.

**Chapter 8: Day 2, Wei**

* * *

Zhen Ji woke on the second day of the Prank War feeling warm, cozy, and extremely content. Sighing appreciatively, she burrowed deeper into the confines of her bed towards the strange heat source next to her, intent on making the most of this comfortable atmosphere. _Warm…_she thought sleepily. _Warm, warm teddy bear…wait…teddy bear? _With an ominous feeling, Ji warily cracked an eye open.

_Wow…_Slightly more awake and aware now, Ji found herself very close to a very well-defined, very masculine chest. _This seems a bit too good to be true…_Slowly, she raised her eyes up towards her bed-mate's face, only to find an also awake Sima Yi looking at her impassively.

Blinking confusedly, Ji decided to break the awkward silence. "Good morning."

Yi raised an eyebrow, but deigned to reply. "Good morning."

Ji waited for him to say more, but when he clearly wasn't going to, she decided to go back to sleep. Ignoring the surprised look on the strategist's face, Ji closed her eyes, pulled the covers up farther, and snuggled back against her "teddy bear". "Don't move," she ordered sleepily. "I'm warm."

Yi stiffened imperceptibly when he felt Ji cuddle closer to him, but decided to make the most of it. Relaxing, and finding himself quite comfortable, he too drifted off to sleep again. _Yes you are, _was his last thought. _Very warm._

* * *

People often said patience was a virtue. Cao Pi, for one, acknowledged that it was useful at times. Too bad he didn't have any. Patience, that is. And maybe virtue as well, but that was anyone's guess. Not that it really mattered, since Wei was more about ambition than honor or virtue anyway. Besides, his impatience was well-deserved.

Because honestly, what sort of Prankster slept in on one of the five days of the War?

"Maybe they were particularly tired," a voice offered unhelpfully.

Pi shot an irritated glance at the other unfortunate person forced to wait outside the guest room for his partner. "We were all tired. That's no excuse to sleep in during the Prank War!"

Zhang He shrugged, figurative feathers unruffled. "Perhaps. The Prank War tires everyone. But maybe Ji and Yi were more tired than we were."

"Why would they be?" Pi asked, irritated. "They can't have gone to sleep much later than we did. Any time after midnight is safe time, after all. There wouldn't have been anything else to do _besides_ sleep."

He raised a delicate eyebrow. "Pi, you're an intelligent boy. You figure it out."

Pi huffed and rolled his eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter, He," he retorted disdainfully. "I'm pretty sure Ji and Yi weren't doing anything inappropriate."

He shrugged in response. "You never know. They're both very beautiful individuals, though. I wouldn't be surprised." _Hmm…plant a seed of doubt. I wonder if he cares at all…_

"He," Pi gritted out, feeling rather disturbed. That, added to the combination of impatience and irritation was causing his already short temper to rise. "That's a very unpleasant image you're beaming into my brain. I suggest we change the topic before the urge to pummel you becomes overwhelming."

The butterfly general smirked. _Translation: the fact that Ji and Yi are sharing the same room and bed, and may possibly be taking advantage of their situation makes my stomach churn with jealousy so let's change the subject before I take out my jealous anger on you! End translation._ _Unfortunately for you, Pi, Ji and I have a beautifully crafted deal and _you _and your little attraction to Ji are not going to get in the way._ "Very well then. What would you rather talk about?"

"How about whether or not we should just knock down the door and drag our partners out of there?" Pi suggested, half-serious about the idea. _All this waiting isn't good for my sanity, after all. _

"That is _not _a good idea," replied a voice from right behind him.

Pi jumped, startled that someone had managed to creep up behind him so easily. "Uncle Dun, what are you doing up so early?"

Xiahou Dun glanced disinterestedly at the two officers pacing outside the guest room. "Your father kept Yuan and me up very late two nights ago, so we retired rather early last night. As a result, my sleeping pattern still has yet to return to normal. Although waking at the crack of dawn might actually be a habit worth keeping. Trains discipline."

"Good for form, as well," He added thoughtfully. "It is healthier to wake early and retire early."

"Exactly," Dun nodded. He leveled a glance at the door, adding, "And I would highly advise against vandalizing the castle. Your father would not be pleased. And I would imagine Sima Yi wouldn't be happy about it either."

"And that," Pi replied with a smirk. "Is exactly why we should!"

Dun eyed his nephew amusedly. "Incidentally, have you forgotten that Lady Zhen Ji is in that room as well? Or were you planning to see if her honor was tarnished?"

Pi shook his head, "That's the least of my worries. Ji would never do that, not before she's married. She knows there're already a lot of people who think no lady of such high social standing should be unmarried, so she can't give them any reason to reinforce that. If she slept with anyone before marriage, they'll say lack of a husband ruined her."

"Isn't that all moot, though, since she's sleeping in the same room and bed as Yi?" He pointed out more than asked. "There are bound to be skeptics who'll say they did have sex merely because they're sharing a room. Ji might have decided 'to hell with it all'."

For some reason, that really irritated Pi. _Deep breath, Pi. You can kill him _after _the Prank War. _"He, are you trying to make me angry?" _If so, it's working and that's really not good for your health. Or beauty since that'd probably hurt you worse. _

He cocked an eyebrow at the prince. Stifling a smile, he replied nonchalantly, "I don't see why what I've said would make you angry. I'm just pointing out some possibilities." _And gauging your reaction, but you don't need to know that._

"Wonderful," Dun said disinterestedly. "You two can go back to wondering how to drag your partners out of there. I am going outside to run a few laps."

As the warrior walked away, Pi felt something niggling at the back of his mind. _Something doesn't see right…wait…_ "Did he say—"

"—Partners?" He finished Pi's question, furrowing his brow. "Yes, if I'm not mistaken he did."

The two stood in silence, pondering. "Do you think he knows?" Pi asked cautiously. _If Uncle Dun knows about the War, then in all likelihood, he'll tell Father. Those two are so close they should have just become sworn brothers. _

"It's possible," He replied, serious for once. "Although since we know he overheard you asking if we should knock the door down and 'drag our partners out of there', it's more likely he just took the word from there."

"...Wow. You know, I don't think you've said the word 'beauty' or any of its many forms for a good five minutes now."

He smirked, "Perhaps because you don't inspire beauty."

"Was that supposed to be an insult, butterfly boy?" Pi raised an eyebrow, amused.

He laughed and shook his head. "Pi, if I truly did not find beauty in you, I would have left Wei a long time ago. Cao Cao won't live forever, unfortunately, and I could never follow a leader with no beauty. Fortunately, you're the heir, and since you possess just as much beauty as our lord, I won't have to leave Wei. Unless, of course, someone comes to enough power and deposes you."

"Don't worry," Pi said arrogantly. "That won't happen."

"You're very sure of that, aren't you?" Yi asked rhetorically as Ji followed him out of their room. "Good. It takes confidence to rule a kingdom."

"Oh, Ji," He declared emotionally. "You're looking beautiful today, more so than usual! What have you changed?"

"She slept in," Pi retorted with a scoff. "Which would be fine by me if _you_," here he leveled a glare at Yi, "hadn't slept in as well! Honestly, do you both _realize_ that you missed _breakfast_?"

Ji and Yi looked at each other and shrugged simultaneously. "It was warm," Ji replied, waving all of Pi's arguments aside. "Do you realize how cold it is, up so north? I was warm for once and I'm happy about it. You throwing a tantrum like an overgrown child first thing in the morning is not going to ruin it."

He smothered his laugh before turning to his teammate. "Let's stop by the kitchens. I'm sure you're hungry so you can grab something to eat before we immerse ourselves in our plans."

"Good idea," Ji nodded to He before turning to Yi and Pi. "We'll see you boys later. Don't get into too much trouble!"

"We won't," Yi replied smoothly. Then, glancing at Pi, he said, "I'm assuming you think there's no time for something to eat first."

Pi glared at him. "I do. However, you'll likely be functioning at a sub-par level without breakfast."

Yi raised an eyebrow. "I can always function perfectly fine no matter the conditions."

"Right," Pi rolled his eyes. "Look, do what you want, but I'll expect you in the library study room in fifteen minutes. We need a strategy, not just random pranks, and with the morning half gone we need to come up with one quickly."

* * *

Lord Cao Cao, ruler of Wei, paced about his study while observing his various collections. Fifty jade miniatures, no larger than his thumb, all depicting various animals. Ten jade dragons, majestic, wise, and powerful. Twenty five paper fans, all depicting tranquil scenes from nature and flowing strokes of calligraphy. One hundred sixty five scrolls of novels, poems, histories, treatises, all works of literature lovingly crafted by their authors, and only a fraction of the number of scrolls in the palace library.

Then, the less showy collections, more subtle in their worth, many from his youth and some from his later years. Thirty beautiful seashells, each unique, each with a pearlescent glow. Fifteen stones, varying shades, worn smooth by the Yangtze River. Fifteen beautiful butterflies, pinned on a flat bamboo stick, wings brittle but beautiful. _I hunted for years to catch that many_, Cao reminisced. _And there must be more types, more beautiful types, more vibrant wings…_

Oh yes, Cao was a very zealous collector. One might also call him a packrat, but that just wasn't very dignified. So collector it was. Cao walked over to the window and, gazing out, heaved a sigh. _But the greatest collection of them all…housed in the Bronze Bird Pavilion…is still incomplete. _

Well, technically, the collection could be complete whenever he felt like it was complete. And he did already have many women in the towers of the Pavilion already. _It's too bad Lord Lu Bu is absolutely _enamored _with Lady Diao Chan_, he mused. _She'd have made a good addition as well. _But alas, the couple had gone into hiding after Dong Zhuo had been killed, fearing repercussions and wanting no more than to live peacefully with each other.

And Zhen Ji was already "part" of the collection, Cao reasoned with himself. The Pavilion, contrary to popular belief, was not a brothel, but more like…a hotel. (1) The women stayed there for a time, left behind a trinket and a portrait with their name, then returned home. Ji, since she was an officer of Wei, was an exception and Cao considered her part of his collection, though she probably didn't know that.

And that left the two Qiaos. Cao knew their father, was good friends with him in fact, despite Qiao Xuan's relatively low status as a minor nobleman. _Honestly, is it too much to ask for him to send his daughters over to the Pavilion for as long as it takes to paint a portrait of them? It's not like I'm going to keep them there forever! For one thing, they'd get ugly as they age. That's why I collect portraits and baubles; keeping the women themselves would be pointless!_

Huffing his discontent, Cao stalked over to his desk. _I can't believe him! Sending the girls to Wu? Honestly, traitors to the Han, all of them! They stole the Imperial Seal! And their male officers obviously have _no _male pride. Half of them look like girls for Fu Xi's sake! Wei only has to deal with Zhang He, and we could lock him up for a few days! _(2)

Now thoroughly disgusted at his friend's distrust, Cao swept out of his study, muttering under his breath. _I need to read something before I get to the full-blown rant_, he advised himself. _Otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on _anything _for the next hour._

* * *

"Hey, Dun!" Xiahou Yuan called to his pondering brother, who was sitting beneath a tree in Garden 3. Similar to Wu and Shu, Wei also had gardens at some of the larger palaces. Garden 1 was the "guest garden", a typical garden for nature-lovers and someone just wanting a bit of fresh air. Garden 2 was the "be careful where you sit or you'll get eaten" garden, with exotic and strange plants. Garden 3 was specifically harmless plants, mostly herbs or aroma-therapeutic plants like lavender and lemongrass.

And it was in Garden 3, a garden made for scientists, scholars, and those wishing to meditate or ponder, that Yuan found his elder brother. "You're looking contemplative. What's eatin' ya?"

"I heard 'eating' and 'Dun' in the same sentence," remarked Zhang Liao, who had just entered Garden 3's other door. "And I must insist that someone stop him from eating his second, and only eye. One was quite enough to prove a point."

Dun ignored the comment, deciding to run his suspicions by his brother and best friend. "Something strange is going on."

Liao and Yuan shared a glance. "Really?" Yuan prodded. "And what makes you think that?"

"I've been pondering this since I ran into Pi and He this earlier. I thought it was only someone or ones, at first. But it has to be more than that," Dun continued.

"Wonderful," Liao said sarcastically. "Mind telling us exactly what you're getting at sometime soon?"

Dun shot his friend an annoyed look. "Well, haven't you noticed it? How, starting three years ago, odd mishaps would happen every year around this time? Think about it; both Zhen Ji and Sima Yi's rooms _have_ to be cleaned at the same time, and especially now? And the servants sent to clean up won't allow anyone in there. And Ji, Yi, Pi, and He have strange fights about seemingly nothing at all."

Yuan shrugged. "What's your point? Maybe those four have an annual game or something."

"That's not it, though!" Dun exclaimed, frustrated at his brother's skepticism. "Haven't you noticed? The amount of letters written to Wu and Shu has increased by about 50 since Pi woke us all up screaming his head off yesterday. Ji and Da Qiao exchange letters, yes, but Ji sent out five letters two nights ago and received five letters back! And she's already received three letters since then. Something is going on, and it's not just in Wei, either!"

Finished his tirade, Dun huffed and waited impatiently for his friend's reactions. When Liao and Yuan just exchanged glances again, he scowled. "What?"

The two were silent, obviously wondering whether or not they should tell him what they thought. "Just spit it out already!" Dun said irritably.

Liao sighed. "Very well. Dun, have you ever heard of the Prank War?"

"The _what_?"

"The Prank War," Liao repeated patiently. "I'm assuming from your reaction that you haven't heard of it."

Dun shook his head, "Of course not! What the hell is it?"

"Well, it's a game, of sorts," Yuan answered vaguely. "It's a war where there's no hand-to-hand fighting and no permanent damage."

Dun looked at his brother dubiously. "Well, what's the war about? What are they fighting for?"

"It's not even real fighting, per se," Liao replied. "It's more a competition. Teams compete against each other by tricking or pranking the other teams."

"Pranking?"

"Traps, tricks, mayhem-causation, frustration abound, et cetera," Yuan supplied. "I think the point is to cause as much damage to the other teams' sanity without getting caught."

Dun frowned, "Why in all of the Middle Kingdom would they want each other to go insane?"

Liao shrugged in response. "Personally, I think it's a stress reliever. It's a way to fight and compete while knowing no one will die or get hurt. Since the competitors are apparently trying to keep the War secret, it also fosters camaraderie. And besides, it's a way to waste time during peacetime."

"I see," Dun said thoughtfully before scowling. "That seems to make sense, though why you would want to waste time is beyond me. So who are these Prank War competitors?"

"They're called Pranksters," Yuan informed him. "And, to the best of our knowledge, the only ones participating in the War are Ji, Yi, Pi, and He."

Upon hearing the names, Dun shook his head exasperatedly. "Why am I not surprised?" he asked, giving the sky a morose look. "It figures that if something secret is going on, that little brat would be involved…"

"You know," Liao sighed. "You could be nicer to your nephew. He _is _the heir, after all."

Huffing, Dun replied irritably, "He's also far too immature for the good of Wei. Did I tell you that I heard him wondering in all seriousness if he should break down the door of the room that Ji and Yi were sleeping in? Honestly! Such irresponsibility does not befit the heir of our kingdom! And his participation in such a pointless game as this Prank War is just another example of his immaturity!" Having finished his tirade, Dun waited for someone to nod and/or exclaim about Pi's irresponsibility as well.

Yuan suddenly became very interested in his fingernails. "You know, brother," he began nervously. "I was thinking about joining the War myself." Catching the beginnings of a disdainful look on his older brother's face, he continued hurriedly, "It's just a game, right? Who said generals can't have fun, especially since we're at peace right now? And it sound like fun; I'm not sure what they do for pranks, but if they get so angry and paranoid about everything, it must be interesting!"

Liao nodded in agreement, "Surely an innocent pastime such as the Prank War would not be detrimental to the kingdom. We are, after all, at peace, and what better to do than enjoy it?"

"How about training and practicing so we don't get killed on the battlefield?" Dun asked sarcastically. "Or, even better, how about figuring out what we should do as soon as the ceasefire elapses?"

"Or," Yuan interrupted. "How about we leave all that boring stuff to the strategists since we've already been doing that for two nights with our revered cousin? I want to have fun, brother. We can be as intense as we want when the ceasefire's about to end, but we've still got four months of peace to prepare for war again. A week of fun and relaxation won't hurt."

Dun glared at the two people closest to him, besides his cousin. "You're seriously considering joining this…game?" he asked suspiciously.

Yuan and Liao nodded.

After a moment, Dun heaved a sigh and shook his head. "Fine. Count me in." Seeing identical grins spreading across Yuan and Liao's faces, he added, "But mark my words. This will _not _end well. I've got a horrible feeling about this, and when my gut tells me something, it's usually right."

Looking up from his ominous declaration, Dun started. "Hey, you dolts!" he yelled after his friends' retreating backs. "You were supposed to wait for me!"

* * *

"Now this is certainly very strange," Yi said thoughtfully as he observed He's room's door. The prank he and Pi had set up the day before had vanished like it had never been there. Yi glanced at his partner. "You're absolutely sure that He didn't set off the trap?"

Pi gave Yi his most sardonic look before folding his arms and scowling. "Yi, trust me when I say that we'd _know _if he set off the trap. Whether or not he was caught in it, He would have made a fuss, either cleaning it up, or sulking at his beautiful hair being ruined."

Yi thought about it. "Not necessarily true. He would have been upset, but he might have just cleaned up and decided to let the prank slide in hopes that we'd assume it didn't work."

In response, Pi pulled out the Wei copy of the Prank War Rulebook. "The Prank War, while a war, is not going to be dishonest. We are not fighting over something tangible, we are fighting over a title and our own egos. Therefore, all successful pranks must be reported and recorded accurately, along with the prank planner and team. Arguments over details of the prank may be debated, but the success of the prank itself should be unambiguous and cleared up if there is any confusion."

"So we should ask He whether or not he set off the prank, and whether or not he was caught in it," Yi concluded. "And he'll have to tell the truth or face the punishment, which is disqualification."

Pi clapped his hands mockingly. "Yay, Yi-Yi read the Rulebook!"

Yi glared at him disdainfully. "Of course I read it," he snapped. "I _am _an original Prankster!"

"We're all original Pranksters, Yi," Pi rolled his eyes. "Honestly, we're falling behind the other kingdoms. You do realize that Wu and Shu both had three new Pranksters this year? Zhuge Liang, Pang Tong, and Ma Chao joined the Shu Pranksters and Sun Ce, Sun Quan, and Zhou Yu joined the Wu Pranksters. And both Wu and Shu have five original Pranksters. Wei only has four original Pranksters, and _no _new ones!"

Yi shrugged, "I did not realize, actually. Shu and Wu Pranksters are of no concern of mine, and I don't communicate with officers in other kingdoms. Your father doesn't trust me, I'm not sure _you _trust me, and I'm not about to be executed for suspicion of treason."

Pi looked slightly uncomfortable after this declaration. "Well, you _are _too brilliant for your own good, Yi. And it's not that I don't _trust _you, it's that I'm not sure if you'd take an arrow that was meant for me, so to speak."

"Well," Yi replied bluntly. "Let's hope you never have to find out. Because honestly, I'm not sure I would either." He glanced at He's door again. "Now, back onto the original topic, before we started discussing Wei's deplorable lack of Pranksters. We need to find He and ask whether or not he set off the trap, whether or not he was caught in it, and if he didn't set it off, who did?"

"And we're interrogating He _after _lunch, right?"

Yi looked at Pi questioningly. "Why not now?"

To that, Pi answered with a glare. "Just because you woke and had breakfast late does _not _mean that we're having lunch late as well." Assuming a less irritated tone and a more petulant one, he continued, "I'm hungry. I want food and nothing you want to do right now is going to stop me."

* * *

He studied his partner carefully. "So that's how it is, huh?"

"Yep." Ji raised an eyebrow, "What were you expecting? You know I would never do anything inappropriate."

He smirked, "_I _know, but baiting Pi was certainly very entertaining. Especially since it was Yi, out of all people."

"Tell me about it," Ji leaned against the headboard of He's bed. Having brainstormed pranks the rest of the morning, the two had snatched a quick lunch and retired to He's room, as Ji's was being cleaned. Ji was sitting on He's pillows, while the room's inhabitant lay sprawled on the foot of the bed. "I half expected to have to fight with him for every square centimeter of the blanket, but things went rather smoothly."

He regarded his partner thoughtfully, "…So I suppose our alliance regarding Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu is still in place, then?"

Ji shot He a sharp look. "Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?" _He is definitely hiding something. Honestly, we're best friends; we've been colleagues and officers of the same force longer than anyone else. Why would he hide something and what is it?_

"No particular reason," He answered dismissively. _No need to let her know that I'm against her forming any sort of romantic relationship with Pi or Yi. After all, that would endanger our plan._ "Women are fickle beings, though, so I thought I would ensure our beautiful cooperation would not be soiled by unexpected interferences."

"...I see," Ji blinked, also shrugging the topic off. Before she could bring up more pressing matters, however, a knock on the door sounded.

"Make yourselves decent," an arrogant voice drawled from the door. "We're coming in."

As Pi and Yi entered He's room, Ji suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. _Pompous brat_, she sighed mentally. _Would it have hurt him to _ask _instead of demand_? She caught He's eye, and giggled when he raised his eyebrows and shook his finger at her. She could clearly hear what he _would _say if he could. _He wouldn't be Pi if he asked nicely, now would he_?

_Of course not_, Ji shook her head at herself. _And why am I talking to myself again_? "Alright, what are you two doing here?" she asked the pair in front of her, hiding a smile.

Yi and Pi shared a glance, and Yi cleared his throat. "We wish to assert our right to question and demand honest answers from the other team regarding the recording of a prank," he declared formally. _Straight from the Rulebook. As long as you're quoting the Rulebook correctly, you are never _absolutely _wrong._

"Alright," He said with an indifferent shrug. "Ask away. However," he warned, "if your questions do not pertain to the recording of said prank, I reserve the beautiful right to remain silent."

Yi nodded. _That's also from the Rulebook, albeit without the 'beautiful'_. "Fine. Our first question: Did either of you set off or dismantle the trap set above He's door?"

Ji looked at He, startled. _Did he set it off and not tell me_? She thought suspiciously. _He's been acting strangely. But he'd know better than to play the Prank War dishonestly!_

"No," He replied. Glancing at Ji, he asked her, "Did you set it off?"

"What trap?" Ji asked, shaking her head. "I didn't know there was a trap there."

"I wasn't aware of it either," He nodded. Turning to Yi, he continued, "Neither of us was aware there was a trap set anywhere near my bedroom door. Unless we unwittingly set it off and didn't notice, your prank didn't work."

Yi frowned thoughtfully. "I thought not. Well, the trap obviously didn't go off, since we'd hear about it from someone. It wouldn't have been a normal occurrence and its unusualness would definitely have caused people to talk."

"What was it?" Ji asked interestedly. "The prank, I mean."

Pi waved a hand dismissively, "Not much and a secret, since it technically hasn't been executed yet."

Ji scowled, fighting the urge to sulk and pout. _Honestly,_ she thought irritably, _I am _far _above using such childish tactics to get my way. _"Well then how are we supposed to figure out what happened to the trap?" she asked, annoyed.

Yi glanced at her, her question waking him from his thoughts. "I think it's very safe to say that the prank was dismantled."

"And why, oh beautiful strategist, is that?" He prodded.

The said strategist leveled a glare at He, before answering, "Obviously, if it went off, Lord Cao Cao would be interrogating all of us as to why something so strange happened. It would have had a very noticeable effect. Now, back to the matter at hand, the servants do not disturb our rooms without our permission. He, did you allow anyone in your room yesterday or today?"

He frowned, "No one besides us beautiful Pranksters; I'm not _that _forgetful! We _did _establish a rule saying that all of us must keep everyone except other Pranksters from entering our rooms during the Prank War except for servants and only when they're cleaning up after us. Did you think I forgot?"

"No," Yi responded with a shrug. "But it's better to cover all the possible options."

"So no servants entered this room and therefore no servants set it off," Ji said thoughtfully. "Maybe another officer set it off but didn't report it?"

"Unlikely," Pi said dryly. "The unfortunate victim likely wouldn't get far without being noticed as being unusual and questioned about it. No, the prank was not set off, but it was noticed and dismantled. My question now is who would do such a thing."

"More like who actually figured out what it did and how to dismantle it," Yi muttered darkly under his breath. In his normal voice, he added, "This is very serious. Someone other than the Pranksters has discovered a prank and dismantled it. It has not been reported yet, but we may be facing blackmail, especially if the culprit knows the War is secret."

"So then we don't know whether or not the dismantler knows about the War," He thought out loud. "All we know is that they found the prank and took it down. We don't know if they did that on purpose to thwart us, to send us a message, or if they merely saw something out of place and decided to get rid of it."

"That latter possibility is unlikely," Ji shook her head. "I'm assuming you two put up this prank yesterday when you two were dressed up to hide from us?" she asked Yi and Pi. At their nods, she continued, "He and I were outside the room after you two finished setting up the prank, which we were unaware of. We didn't see anything unusual on the doorframe or door itself."

He continued her train of thought, "That means that the prank was set up inside the door, yes?"

"That is correct," Pi affirmed.

Nodding, He added, "If the prank was set up inside the room, inside the door, then a random passerby would not see it and know it was there. Therefore, whoever took the prank down knew it was there, and likely knew its purpose."

"And that," Yi concluded decisively, "is most definitely _not _a good thing. We are unsure how Pi's father will react to the Prank War, and it is unlikely that others will be willing to keep a secret this large from him."

"So what do we do?" Ji asked, somewhat rhetorically. Everyone knew what they needed to do after all. _Watch, wait, and keep our ears peeled. Not much else we _can_ do_.

"We could keep tags on the other officers," He began unconvincingly, trailing off at the end. "But that would interfere with our concentration on the war and would be rather difficult to do while remaining subtle."

Ji scowled worriedly. _As if we didn't have enough to worry about_, she thought irritably. _The War itself takes a heavy toll; any interference is going to make it worse. And if Ying is right about Zuo Ci's plan for a combined Prank War, interferences are the _last _thing we need. _

"Keep your eyes and ears open," Pi ordered finally, after a long pause. "We don't know who took it down, but I'm fairly certain it was an officer. The servants wouldn't dare enter our rooms without permission and I think my father is getting rather suspicious of us. Act innocently, plan discreetly, and make sure your pranks don't end up revealing us all. We need to pick up hints and clues as to who it is, and once we have an idea of the culprit, we'll plan what to do."

"It would behoove us to work together on this matter," Yi asserted. "This concerns us all, and we should set apart an hour before midnight to talk about it, share what we've found, and our suspicions. Until then, watch your step."

With that, the pair turned and left, leaving He and Ji looking at each other worriedly.

"Who do you think did it?" Ji asked anxiously.

He turned to stare at the door the other team had just left through. "I'm not sure," he said at last. "I have my own suspicions, but I have no proof. Dun was acting suspiciously this morning, when Pi and I were talking, but he would have told Lord Cao Cao if he knew. I don't really know anyone else well enough to know if they're acting strangely, though."

Ji nodded. "Pi's right, our lord is getting nervous. I think Dian Wei might be watching us, but I've managed to evade him most of the time. We need to be careful." Her eyes narrowed, "But we will win, have no doubt about that. This is still a war, and we'll just need to tiptoe around a bit to keep the results that we want."

* * *

Pang De wandered around Garden 1 thoughtfully. To reveal the information, or not to reveal the information. After all, Zhang He and Zhen Ji were officers who had defected from an old, albeit currently dead, foe. Sima Yi was not to be trusted. Cao Pi might not hesitate to kill his father to take the throne.

The four were dangerous, all the more so because of their unique talents and ambitious aims. It might be wisest to tell Lord Cao Cao, inform him of the possible belligerents' deeds, and take orders from there.

On the other hand, the group's actions were rather amusing, and seemed harmless. Honestly, it wasn't hard at all to figure out what they were up to, and De doubted it would bring much harm to the kingdom.

Still, he owed his loyalty to his lord, and suspicious activity must be reported. The question De was pondering now was whether the four's activities were truly "suspicious" or merely a game. De suspected the latter, although a little paranoia wouldn't hurt.

Considering that no one had yet been injured or killed, De concluded that the activities of the group could be…overlooked until a later date. Meanwhile, he resolved to continue gathering information, and watching carefully for signs of treachery.

Having come to a reasonable conclusion, De walked off, humming a children's tune under his breath.

* * *

"Well. That went…well."

Yi "hmm"-ed an agreement. The meeting had gone rather well, considering all the factors. Both teams and their members had followed the Rulebook, and they had gleaned some valuable information and identified a threat to the War and the security of its members. "I suppose now we'd better focus our attention back on the War itself."

"Indeed," Pi nodded. "We wouldn't want to fall behind because of some inane meddling, now would we?"

Yi raised an eyebrow. "Somehow, I doubt that this 'meddling' is inane, Pi," he warned. "Someone knows about the War. That someone now has potential blackmail material, and possibly enough incriminating evidence to get us exiled or executed, if your father's in a bad enough mood."

Pi waved a hand dismissively. "Trust me when I say that my father is _not _going to execute me."

"Really?" Yi challenged. "I get the feeling even _you _don't believe _that_. After all, there are quite a few powerful politicians who plan to place your brother Zhi on the throne in your stead."

"I know," Pi replied, unmoved. "They won't succeed. Incidentally," he leveled a neutral look at his partner. "Would you be one of those politicians?"

Yi rolled his eyes in response. "Your brother likes his alcohol a bit too much," he said, shaking his head. "And he's too bookish to be a good ruler. If I'm going to back a horse, I'll back a winning one thank you very much. And in a race between you and Zhi, you are far more promising."

"I'm delighted that your decision stems from your sense of loyalty," Pi said dryly.

Yi shrugged. "Loyalty can get a man killed and I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

"It's generally not a wise idea. Now, what do you have in mind for our next prank?"

"You seem confident that I have something in mind."

Pi raised his eyebrows. "Yi, you _always _have something in mind. And if not a prank idea, you can at least tell me if my idea is feasible."

"Fair enough," Yi conceded. "So what's this idea of yours?"

"All in good time, my friend," Pi replied with uncharacteristic amiability. "Let's get to a safer place, shall we? Eavesdropping is not disallowed by the Rulebook, and besides, someone out there has too much knowledge of the War anyway."

"Yes," Yi's eyes narrowed. "Now, the million-yen question is who."

Pi glanced at the strategist. "You have an inkling as to who it is, don't you?"

"I do. Several inklings, in fact," Yi replied neutrally. "But I don't have any proof, and suspicions alone will not help us. For now, let's continue normally. It's best if the meddler, whoever he is, does not become aware that we are aware of his meddling."

"You sound certain that it is indeed a _he_."

Yi shot Pi an irritated glance. "Of course it's a _he_. There aren't any other female officers of Wei besides Ji, and we know _she's _not the meddler."

"True," Pi conceded. "But who said it had to be an officer?"

Yi snorted. "Who else would it be?" he asked rhetorically. "A servant? They wouldn't dare disobey our orders to not enter our rooms. And the visiting nobles would not be so discourteous as to venture into our rooms, either. There's simply _no one else_ with the mettle to enter an officer's room without express permission, which He obviously didn't give."

"Maybe they were sure they wouldn't get caught?" Pi suggested.

"Unlikely," Yi refuted. "They changed something in He's room; they dismantled the trap. It would be too much to hope that the dismantling of something placed deliberately would be overlooked. That trap was taken down on purpose, and in order to have done so, the person had to know it was there and be certain that they wouldn't get into too much trouble if they were caught. That rules out servants and visiting nobles and leaves only the officers. Therefore, our perpetrator is a he."

"Fine," Pi acquiesced. "It's a he, and it's an officer."

"Yes. Now. Back to the War at hand…"

* * *

"De, what in the Middle Kingdom are you mumbling about?" Cao Ren asked his friend exasperatedly.

Pang De glanced at Ren briefly, before murmuring a "Nothing" and sinking back into deep thought.

Ren huffed. _Honestly, he's been doing this for a good half hour or so. What could possibly be occupying his mind for so long?_ Surveying his friend's countenance, Ren concluded that the matter was either incredibly important or incredibly unimportant with De believing it to be incredibly important. Knowing De, Ren was betting on the latter.

Either way, De thought the matter was important. Therefore, the best way to get him to talk about it was to humor him. Pretend to be interested. Stuff like that.

"It is most definitely _not _nothing," Ren said calmly. Adopting what he hoped was a soothing and persuasive tone, he continued, "Tell me. It may be that I can help. They do say 'two heads are better than one'."

Unmoved, De shook his head and descended deeper into his train of thought. Slightly irritated, Ren wondered idly if poking the unresponsive warrior would merit a more interesting response.

"Touch me and die."

Ren gulped inaudibly. _Did I really say that out loud?_ "No harm meant, De," he answered gruffly. "Just idle thoughts."

De eyed Ren suspiciously, while the latter did his best not to appear intimidated. Ren was by no means an easily intimidated person, but De was just one of those people who commanded attention and respect. Not to mention that he had a rather grim air about him most of the time. Honestly, the man carried his coffin to each battlefield! Red prided himself on being a stalwart and determined warrior, ready to give his life for the cause he was fighting for. That De also shared the same commitment was something Ren admired greatly, and consequently, the two became friends.

Now, though, Ren was wondering if the "ready to die" attitude was impairing De's brain. _Seriously, who talks to himself for half an hour? And none of his mumbling makes any sense, either!_ "For Fu Xi's sake, De, what the hell are you talking about and why are you talking to _yourself_ about it?" Ren snapped.

De looked up from his thoughts, fixing Ren with a gauging stare.

Ren waited patiently for a reply, determined that, this time, he would drag whatever it was that was bothering De out of him. "Well?"

De continued to stare at him. Ren shifted uncomfortably and scowled. "I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me," he informed his friend. "Keeping things bottled up is not a good way to live, and if you're talking to thin air under your breath, then that means whatever it is you're talking about is really _really _bad for you."

When this failed to elicit a response other than continued gazing, Ren huffed and began to storm off.

"Wait."

_Finally_, Ren sighed. Fixing De with his own annoyed glare, he asked, "What? _Now _you want to tell me?"

De gazed at him, before nodding. "Yes. But only on the condition that you swear not to reveal the information I'm going to give you, unless I tell you it is alright to."

"Yes, yes," Ren replied impatiently. "What do you take me for, a gossip?"

De shrugged noncommittally, "No, but it never hurts to be cautious."

"Fine," Ren said dismissively. "Now, what's so disturbing that you've been talking to yourself about it for a good hour or so now?"

* * *

"That is _not _going to work!" Ji glared exasperatedly at her partner who was stubbornly glaring right back.

"Why _not_?" He asked irritably. "This prank is a masterpiece! What could _possibly_ go wrong?"

"Everything!" Ji retorted. Sighing, she pointed to the blueprints He had drawn up. "First of all, it could jeopardize the Prank War, since this will involve _everyone_, not just the Pranksters. In fact, it's highly unlikely that we'd be able to keep everyone _not _in the War from seeing it."

He waved a hand dismissively, "So we make up an excuse. Maybe we left the door open or something."

"Secondly," Ji ignored him. "We can't guarantee that we can get rid of the prank after it's been performed."

"That's not our responsibility," He argued. "After all, no one else will know it was us, except Pi and Yi. And _they_ aren't going to explain why it has to be _us_ cleaning up, instead of everyone."

Ji shot him a glare, "Thirdly, we have no control after the prank is unleashed. What if it destroys some valuable treasures?"

"Like what?" He rolled his eyes. "All the treasures worth _anything_ are kept in the public rooms, like the Banquet Hall or the Throne Room. As long as we lock the doors to those rooms, it'll all be fine."

"And fourthly," Ji continued. "This will reflect badly on Wei. We have visiting nobles, for Nu Wa's sake! What would they say?"

"They're in a different wing of the palace and shouldn't be affected," He shrugged. "I don't see what the problem is."

Ji huffed exasperatedly, "The whole _plan_ is a giant disaster waiting to happen!"

"It is _not_," He replied stubbornly. "I've rebutted all the arguments you've made against it, and you haven't said they wouldn't work!"

Ji took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Alright. Say we do make an excuse, we left the door open. And say Lord Cao Cao makes everyone help clean up."

"There you go," he nodded encouragingly. "You are opening your beautiful mind to my wonderful suggestions."

Rolling her eyes, Ji retorted, "That's only the first and second arguments, He. The third and fourth still stand."

"I highly doubt that the visitors, who live on the complete opposite side of the palace, will notice our prank, Ji," He replied with a sigh. "The castle is huge. The prank will not spread all the way to the other side of the castle, at least, not unless all the Wei officers are unable to stop it."

"And what if we can't?" Ji asked, eyes narrowed. "What if, all of us combined, can't get rid of the prank?"

He smirked, "Well, then Shu and Wu will eat us for breakfast the next time we face them on the battlefield. Think about it; if all thirteen officers of Wei can't get rid of our prank, then do we seriously stand a chance against other officers in battle?"

Ji sighed reluctantly, "Fine, but that still leaves the argument about the valuables."

"Lock the doors of the rooms that house them," He replied indifferently. "It's not like we have that many floating around, anyway. It's not Chang An, for Fu Xi's sake."

Ji buried her face in her hands, minding her makeup, of course. "We're doomed."

"Stop being so melodramatic," He said cheerfully. "It's not beautiful. This prank is a work of art; it's so simple, it can't possibly go wrong. Everything will be perfectly fine."

The unfortunate female raised her head and glared at her partner. "It better," she replied menacingly. "Because if it doesn't, and everything I mentioned that could possibly go wrong, does, then you shall _pay_."

"Ji," He sighed mournfully. "I assure you, the plan will not fail. Don't you trust me?"

Ji looked at him as though he'd sprouted four extra arms. "Not in your lifetime, He," she replied, shaking her head. "Not in your lifetime."

* * *

"Absolutely not. Not in _your_ lifetime, anyway."

Pi sighed. "Fine. I didn't really expect you to agree anyway."

"Because it's _stupid_," Yi shot back. "Why in the entire Middle Kingdom would we _ever _want to let a _potentially dangerous _wild _boar_ loose in the castle?"

"Well why not?" Pi sulked. "No one but Ji and He would know it was us."

Yi rolled his eyes, "You're forgetting the person who dismantled the trap we put on He's door. If something this odd happens, he's _bound_ to know that it was us, and it will give him _more _of an incentive to tell your father about the War."

"You know," Pi began, irritated. "I beginning to think it might be better to just _tell _Father that we have an annual Prank War. I mean, what's he going to do?"

Yi closed his eyes and wondered, not for the first time, if he _really _trusted his partner to one day rule all of China. "I don't know," Yi replied sarcastically. "_Ban_ it, maybe? Or have us executed for stealing? Because you know, a lot of the materials we use for pranks technically belong to Wei, not to us. Or he could accuse us of being spies for the other kingdoms, since this is something that all the kingdoms do. Or he could just have us killed for not telling him about it sooner."

Pi looked as though he'd never really thought of that. Shaking his head wonderingly, he asked, "You're really afraid of Father, aren't you?"

"Not afraid," Yi corrected quietly. "Just cautious. I didn't particularly want to serve Lord Cao Cao, if you recall. I joined Wei only after some…_persuasion_, on your father's part."

Pi sighed, "No need to dance around what happened. I know he threatened to arrest you if you didn't agree to his 'request' that you serve Wei." (3)

"Then you know why I still don't really trust him."

To that, Pi shrugged. "You don't need to trust him," he replied indifferently. "Hell, even _I _don't trust him, and I'm his son. The only thing we _can _trust is that he wants to unify China and bring about a time of peace."

It was Yi's turn to sigh. "I know that. It's what we all want, after all. It's what we're risking our lives for."

After a moment of uncharacteristically grave silence, Pi spoke seriously. "So, if we're not going to let some wild boar trash the palace, can we at least steal all of Ji's clothes? You know, it'll be easier since you two share a room now."

Yi tried, and failed, to keep a straight face. "You," he said, shaking his head in dismay while struggling not to laugh. "Are an unforgivable pervert."

Pi grinned impishly, "Yes well, at least I can admit it. So can we do it?"

Yi thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I don't see why not. But we'll need to plan very carefully for this one."

"Don't worry," Pi replied with a smug smirk. "I already have an idea."

* * *

An hour before midnight saw Ji curled up on one of Pi's armchairs, Yi and Pi reclining on Pi's bed, and He perched on a footstool that matched the armchair Ji was on. "So," Pi began. "Now that we're all comfortably situated in my room, let's talk. Has anyone found anything useful pertaining to our current crisis?"

"Define 'useful'," Ji replied, raising a delicate eyebrow. "We all have our suspicions, but proof is hard to come by, especially since, besides the dismantled prank, nothing else has happened."

Pi shrugged. "Any suspicious activity by anyone? Any other pranks go wrong and disappear?"

"Nothing strange besides Dun's odd comment this morning," He responded. "It's been a rather uneventful, if still beautiful, day. No awe-inspiring pranks or any pranks at all for that matter. "

"Well maybe that's because _some _people decided to sleep in," Pi glared pointedly at Yi, who ignored him. "Late starts mean you might not have enough time to plan, set up, and execute your pranks."

"Regardless," Yi said, intervening before Ji could make a snappy retort. "No pranks were executed today, so a lack of suspicious activity can be explained. How about suspicions? If you had to guess, who do you think is responsible for interfering?"

He eyed the strategist thoughtfully before admitting, "Dun. You weren't there for the conversation Pi and I had with him this morning. It doesn't sound very suspicious, but he didn't seem at _all _surprised that we were waiting for you and Ji. And he mentioned that they were our 'partners'. Yes, maybe he overheard me referring to you two as such, but it's still very…shady, don't you think?

"I agree," Pi nodded. "He just seemed too…calm when he saw us waiting and he tossed off the word 'partners' very nonchalantly. But if it _was _Dun, I'm very surprised that he hasn't told Father yet."

Yi shrugged and offered, "Perhaps he has and Lord Cao Cao just hasn't seen fit to approach us about the War?"

Pi scoffed, "Unlikely. Father very much likes having things to hold over people's heads. Taking advantage of the knowledge he's gleaned is one of his most admirable traits. No, if Father knew, he'd find a way to test us, gauge our reaction and our motives for the War."

"And what if that's exactly what he's doing by dismantling your trap?" Ji postulated. "Imagine, Dun somehow found out about the War and informed Lord Cao Cao. Then, in true Cao form, your father decides to learn more about why he'd participate in what must seem like a truly ridiculous and childish game. The best way to do that, without directly approaching us, is to interfere anonymously in the War and judge our reactions."

Pi thought about it and shrugged. "It's possible, of course. But if that were the case, don't you think Father would have warned Dun not to give us any inkling that he, or Father, might now about the War? He'd want to have an unbiased and impromptu interference to throw us off track. If it's really Father, I highly doubt Dun would have let the word 'partner' slip, especially since it's such a…suspicious word."

"So Dun and Lord Cao Cao," Yi noted. "Any other opinions? Ji, you haven't really mentioned anyone besides our lord."

Ji shrugged, "I mentioned to He earlier that I think Dian Wei's been watching us. Other than that, I haven't noticed much." She eyed Yi suspiciously, "And you? You're not getting our suspicions without offering your own. Information isn't free, you know, and I'm not talking about money either."

Stifling a laugh, He smirked and fought the urge to ask if sexual favors were an acceptable form of payment. It'd be far too crude, especially considering it was Yi who would be paying. _Although the look on Ji and Yi's faces might be worth it._

Before he could say anything, however, Yi replied, looking rather offended, "I said we should work together to solve the problem. I meant it."

Ji shook her head and raised an eyebrow, "No. You said it would _behoove _us to work together. You never said that we would. And, knowing you, you'd be tricky enough to exploit that."

"Touché," Yi acknowledged with a nod and a smirk. _Glad to know that someone's paying attention to details. _"I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted that you think I would be so particular about wording."

"Be what you like," Ji replied nonchalantly. "But hurry and tell us your suspicions before I fall asleep."

"Very well." If she could be blunt and to the point, so could he. "De and Ren were being unusually withdrawn today."

He scoffed, "Those two are always contemplating the beautifully dark purpose and price of war. Of course they were withdrawn; that is their way."

Yi shot him an irritated look, "I said _unusually_, did I not? I am aware that De and Ren are usually very quiet and very observant. Today, however, they spoke to no one but each other, and always in hushed voices. Even on normal days, they speak to Lord Cao Cao and the Xiahous."

Pi shook his head and said apologetically, as if he couldn't believe he was agreeing with the butterfly general over the kingdom's main strategist. "He's right, Yi. Those two are always really quiet. Just because they didn't stop Father or my uncles to chat about the weather doesn't mean they were acting suspiciously."

_Well, if you put it _that _way, _Yi thought, becoming increasingly annoyed that he couldn't quite explain why he was very suspicious of the two veterans, _it does sound rather weak. I'm _sure _there was something off about them, though. I just…can't _explain _it…_

"No, I think Yi might have a point," Ji spoke up, surprising everyone. Yi shot her an intrigued and vaguely grateful look, glad that at least someone didn't think he was imagining things.

"It's hard to explain," Ji continued, "but someone quiet _can _be _unusually_ quiet. It's just a different quiet than they usually are."

"Quiet is quiet," Pi said bluntly. "There's no arguing about it. How can there be _different _quiets, when the word 'quiet' is simply the absence of sound? Either they were talking or they weren't. Since De and Ren usually _don't _talk, unusual for them would be talking more. Them _not _talking is normal."

"It's the air about them, I suppose," Yi tried to explain patiently. Unfortunately, patience was never one of Yi's stronger points, and explaining something he found obvious irritated him to no end. "Their silence seemed…almost heavy." When Pi and He looked at him dubiously, Yi gave an exasperated sigh and turned to Ji. "_You _know what I mean?"

Ji nodded, "I do, actually. It was like they had a sign above them saying 'don't ask, don't tell'. And even though you never catch them watching you, you can feel their eyes boring holes into your back."

Seeing the opportunity for a little fun, He shook his head and suggested with a smirk, "I still have no idea what you're talking about. Perhaps this is a more…_feminine_ trait, this ability to sense how the air of a person feels."

"Don't call me feminine, you butterfly-obsessed hypocrite!" Yi snapped, letting his annoyance and frustration show. "Just because you lack the _finesse_ and _sensitivity_ to understand the differences in people's auras—"

_Bingo_…He hid a triumphant laugh. _I love arguments like these….they're so…entertaining. Mm…what was the name of that Greek goddess of discord I read about earlier? Etis? Eros?Eris? Hmm…regardless, that should definitely be my nickname._

"Come now, Yi," Ji smirked, interrupting the strategist's tirade, to He's delight. "Femininity isn't a _bad _trait. We _are _the more elegant and cunning of the two sexes."

"I beg to differ on the latter," Pi replied smoothly. "Men are the strategists and men are the rulers. Women are simply…inferior. Their beauty is to be commended, but not their cunning."

Ji raised a delicate eyebrow. "Surely you wouldn't contest that Diao Chan was far more cunning than Lord Lu Bu and the tyrant Dong Zhuo?"

"Of course not," Pi scoffed. "However, Diao Chan was one of the most cunning of the female gender and her ploys were seen through by our own Zhang Liao who, meaning no offense to him, is certainly not the most cunning of men. I doubt Yi, Lord Zhuge Liang, or Lord Zhou Yu fell for her innocent façade either."

Yi looked deeply insulted that Pi used the word "doubt" instead of "refuse to believe" or something more along those confident lines. "What do you take me for? Of course I didn't believe it! Everything was _far _too conveniently set up! Men that stupid don't believe something unless they're told it. That both believed she hated the other man means she played them, and well."

"Very well," Ji waved a hand, interrupting the strategist. "Then how about—" Ji abruptly snapped her mouth shut. _I can't believe I almost told them about that!_

"About what?" Pi asked her suspiciously. "What is this fascinating fact that can prove that women are equal in cunning to men?"

"Nothing, nothing," Ji lied. _Idiot_! She reprimanded herself._ Nu Shu is a women-only language for a _reason_. Telling the future emperor of China about a secret language known only by women is called _suicide! (4)

_Not to mention that he'd order it destroyed because women aren't _supposed _to know how to read or write! Honestly, the only reason the female generals can is because they _need _to, in order to lead an army effectively. _"But you're acting like women aren't cunning at all, when that's _clearly _not the case. I'm pretty sure Lady Diao Chan fooled _you_!"

"I never said that women were _not _cunning," Pi, backpedaling a little. "I'm merely saying that men are _more _cunning. No matter how many examples you bring up, all strategists and people renowned for intelligence and cunning are _men_."

"That's because women never have the opportunity to prove their worth!" Ji protested, recovering from her slip up and getting back into the debate with vigor. "Men are considered superior, therefore they have more opportunity! Our world is blind to the virtues of women besides being an accessory of men!"

Pi scoffed, "If you believe women should run the world, you're out of your mind. The world has been run by men since the beginning of time, and it works fine."

"I didn't say women should rule the world! I said women don't have the opportunity to prove themselves equal to men! Women are worth so much more than being whores to obtain power and wealth!"

"I don't deny that," Pi retorted. "But men are still superior. If women were equal to men, they should be able to force the world to give them equality. They need to deserve it, and they need to _prove _they deserve it! So far, however, _nothing_ indicates that women are equal to men, and therefore, women are considered inferior!"

Yi shook his head, deciding to cut the debate short. "If I may interrupt, how does _any _of this have to do with the reason we're here right now?" he asked in annoyance.

Their debate effectively ended, Ji and Pi fell into a guilty silence. _It doesn't? _Ji would have said sheepishly, had that not been the obvious answer.

"It doesn't," He spoke up. _But it's entertaining! Damn you, Yi, for putting a damper on the beautiful debate I instigated…_

"So let's change the subject back to the original one," Yi replied, rubbing his forehead tiredly. _It's been a long day. Let me sleep. I don't want to keep dealing with Pi in an irritable mood because Ji and I are sharing a room. I don't want to continue playing nice when I want to torture every other officer of Wei until I find the idiot who dared to mess up my prank. I don't want to keep dealing with He's nonchalant dismissals of my ideas. I want to _sleep!

He shrugged, "I don't quite remember what the topic was, prior to this beautiful debate. Care to enlighten us, Yi?"

"Actually," Ji replied. "I think we finished the original topic. We gathered to share what we know, and so far the only things we know are that we suspect Dun, Lord Cao Cao, De, Ren, and Wei. After that, the conversation devolved into a debate over the equality of men and women."

"Great," Yi said, closing his eyes for a moment. "So if we're finished, shall we all retire for the night?"

Pi scowled, "It's fifteen minutes to midnight. If you go to bed now, you're still a target for pranks."

Ji watched the strategist worriedly. "Actually, I'm rather tired, too. Why don't we call the War to a halt for today? Both teams are present, if we agree to end the war for today, we can get to sleep and start tomorrow refreshed. Sleep _is _the reason we had the meeting an hour before midnight, instead of after midnight when pranks are on hold."

"I have no objections," He shrugged nonchalantly. "Beauty sleep _is _essential, after all."

"I'm about to fall asleep right here," Yi grumbled. "Objection is the last thing on my mind."

Silence followed He and Yi's acquiescence, as the other pranksters waited for Pi's vote. Pi frowned, glaring at his companions before folding his arms and looking away. "Fine. It's not like we'd be able to get anything done in these last few minutes anyway."

"Wonderful," Yi said with something scarily similar to a sincere smile. "I'm off to sleep."

Ji quirked an eyebrow, "You do that. I'll be awake a bit longer, though, and I'll need light." When He looked curiously at her, she explained, "I need to finish my letter to Da…Lady Da Qiao."

Yi waved a hand sleepily. "Go ahead. Just don't take too long."

"Such uncharacteristic amicability," Pi noted suspiciously. "Who are you and what have you done with Sima Yi?" _And why the hell are you and Ji so damn _friendly _all of a sudden? _

His partner glared at him. "I always seek the path that obtains the result I want. In this case, I want the result to be me, asleep, in bed, as fast as possible. Being agreeable will hasten the result, especially as my roommate can delay the result for quite a bit of time."

_Now stop being a jealous pig. You're great at hiding your attraction to Ji, so keep it up and don't bother me!_

Blinking, He attempted to reword that in simpler words. "So…you want to sleep, and since Ji can keep that from happening, being nice and agreeable is the best way to handle her?"

"Exactly," Yi nodded.

"Well," Ji said, somewhat surprised at Yi's logic and a bit gratified to hear that he'd be nice to her, even if it was for his own benefit. _At least now I know why we haven't fought at _all_ even though we're living in the same room_. "If you'll be nice, I will to. I'll finish my letter as quickly as possible."

"My thanks," Yi replied, before walking out the door. "Good night everyone."

As the door shut behind the strategist, the remaining three pranksters looked at each other rather confusedly. "Why's he so tired today?" Ji asked curiously.

Pi shrugged, "I'm not sure, and, as long as he functions well tomorrow, I don't care. My best guess would be that the unexpected interference by one of Wei's officers is ticking him off. Yi hates having his affairs meddled in by people who aren't involved, so someone sticking their nose into the War is irritating him."

"And he's one of those who, when something's irritating him, has to deal with the irritation before it goes away, otherwise it keeps niggling at the back of his brain," Ji finished for the heir.

Pi nodded. "Exactly."

After a short silence, He said cheerily, "Well, I'm a bit tired myself. Have a beautiful night you two!" As He left the room, Ji got up to follow him out.

"Wait."

Ji paused, wondering what Pi wanted to talk to her about. She'd always been somewhat attracted to the heir, as he was just as ambitious as she was, and she admired his ruthless nerve. And being the wife to the next emperor of China would mean she'd be Empress, not some random concubine. Not an unappealing idea at all.

"Did anything happen between you and Yi last night?" Pi asked hesitantly.

Turning back to him, Ji answered his question with a question of her own. "Nothing intimate, if that's what you're looking for. Why?" _Does it bother you_?, went unasked.

He looked away. "No particular reason. Only, if you two had done something, it might be another reason Yi was so tired at the end of today. And a relationship between you two could upset the Prank War."

_Alright, so not the answer I wanted to hear. _"…Why does the War mean so much to you?" Ji asked. "You didn't want to end early, you're very set on finding who's interfering in the War, and you're very strict on us being in top shape every day. Why?"

Pi didn't answer for a while. _To tell the truth or to not tell the truth. I'm sure I could make up a believable lie. Would it help? Would it hurt to tell her? _At last, he replied, "Because it's something _I _control, without my father helping.

"Father's a great man; one that everyone knows. As his son, I'm not 'Cao Pi', I'm 'Lord Cao Cao's heir for the time being'. I am nothing without him. Every army I'm given to lead is given at his behest. It's not given to me because I'm a capable leader, it's given because Father said I can lead it, or commanded that I lead it. Everything I have, everything I do, is because he allows it, or commands it."

"And the Prank War is different, so it's important that it goes well," Ji guessed the rest. "As Lord Cao Cao's son, you have no control over what you can do, no individuality. In the Prank War, our lord isn't a factor, and you're free to do as you please, and take credit for it."

"Exactly."

After a brief silence, Ji sighed. "So is that the only reason you wanted to know if Yi and I were intimate?"

Pi looked at her guardedly. "Perhaps. Why do you wish to know?" _What answer are you hoping to hear_? He wondered silently.

Ji shrugged. "Just curious, I suppose." She turned to leave again. "Good night, Pi."

The heir chuckled, "Good night, Ji. Don't wake Yi."

"Nu Wa forbid," Ji smirked. "I imagine he'd be extremely unhappy."

"Don't imagine," Pi told her. "Know for certain."

Ji laughed and left an amused Pi to his own devices. _Yi would be raging mad if I woke him. I'll be kind and let him sleep though_. Shaking her head, she wondered what news Da would have for her tomorrow.

* * *

(1) The novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms by Luo Guan-Zhong, which is what Dynasty Warriors is based on, vilifies Cao Cao, and the Bronze Bird Pavilion is an example of this. The Pavilion was supposedly a palace and Cao Cao, according to the novel, wanted to conquer Wu, take the two Qiaos, and keep them as his concubines there. However, since the novel has a clear bias for Liu Bei and against Cao Cao, whether or not this was true is unknown. Since I'm trying to keep all the characters relatively likeable in this fic, I've changed the purpose of the Pavilion; although Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao clearly have the impression (no doubt left by Dong Zhuo) that Cao Cao is a sick twisted old pervert. They'll be corrected…someday.

(2) For the purposes of this fic, this is Cao Cao's opinion, much as it pains me. Personally, I love Zhang He and the Wu officers; they're my favorite characters to play with. But, just as Da Qiao, Xiao Qiao, and the rest of Wu have misguided opinions about Cao Cao, Cao Cao has his own misguided opinions. (This is supposed to be a central theme, hint, hint)

(3) This is not touched upon in the games, but, historically, there are quite a few accounts as to how Sima Yi came to join Wei. One of them is that Cao Cao repeatedly requested that Sima Yi serve him. When Sima Yi feigned sickness, Cao Cao didn't believe it and ordered him to accept the position offered. If he had refused, Cao Cao would have had him arrested.

(4) Nu Shu literally means "women language" in Chinese, and is the only female-only language in existence. Since it remained secret until around the 1960's, no one's quite sure how old it is, but for the story's sake, we'll say it was already around during the Three Kingdoms period (although my research indicates that it's probably not that old).

* * *

A/N: By the by, if the footnotes annoy you, don't read them, although their presence means that I do hope that you do. They are supposed to help explain parts of the fic, why this happens, why that happens, and a little bit of history.

Prank Scores are the same as Day 1, unfortunately. I apologize for the lack of pranks in the Day 2's; I truly didn't notice it happening. However, for the sake of plot and character development, things happening take precedence over pranks. You should all note that there is a lot of PLANNING in Day 2's so you can look forward to pranks returning with a vengeance in the Day 3's!

Prank Scores:

Cao Pi: 1

Sima Yi: 1

Zhang He: 1

Zhen Ji: 1

As always, thanks for reading!

Dracling Unicorn


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